• The first Class

    “Mom where the hell are we going?”, I said looking out the car window. Of course she won’t answer me. We haven’t really talked for awhile now, but that’s to be expected after what she just found out. Well we finally got to where we were going and it turns out it was one of those group talk things. I hated things like that, but you never know it could help and since I don’t really know anyone in it then I won’t have a problem with talking about my feelings. Well whatever I wonder how long I’m going to have to come here?
    When I went inside my mom drove off like I knew she would. There was a women at the front desk that told me where I was suppose to go. As I followed the yellow hallway I walked by lots of rooms with groups of people all talking some crying and some that looked like they were about to fight. I didn’t know what to expect, but when I got to the room it was a light purple color with only three other girls and four boys. There was also some adult there. She was weird though. She was a preppy gothic adult. Now that’s something that you don’t see every day.
    When I walked into the room all heads turned and everyone was staring at me. Great I thought I’m the new girl. The one that’s going to have to talk about my “problems” today. Just great. Well I sat down and the women asked me what my name was and if I wanted to start things off. So I said sure just to be nice, but hell when am I ever nice and my name is Alice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and started.
    Have you ever truly loved someone? If so how did you know it? Did that person love you back? Well I have one thing to say to you. Love HURTS!!!
    Hi my name is Alice and I am an 18 year old Goth. I’m here to “talk” about my “problem” as people call it. My obsession to cut over something that most people would find stupid, but I don’t care what people think. When you really do love someone then when its over it really hurts. Sometimes it hurts more then people think.
    Lets see where did it all start? Ah yes that’s right, we have to go back four years to when I was in 8th grade. Now like every other girl in 8th grade I had lots of boyfriends. I wasn’t really athletic or popular, but everyone did know me as “that Goth chick“. Now I had lots of friends even though i wasn't popular that had similar interests as me. Now one of my so called “friends” was friends with this girl named Alex. Now me and Alex weren’t really good friends. Actually I think she kind of hated me. Later though we found out that we liked some of the same things, like manga and anime. So we started talking about anime conventions one day and we just hit it off then. Later though Alex’s three best friends stopped being friends with her because as they said she “changed”. Screw that she was still the same person, she was just hanging out with me and my friends and talking about anime more, but having that happen was a good thing because that made us become better friends. She told me one day that I was the only person that she could tell anything to, because she knew that I would understand and not judge her.
    One day though, I started to realize something…….I was becoming attracted to her. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and I told myself that it was wrong and she would think I was a freak, so I just put it in the back of my head and didn’t think about it anymore. Things were normal still since I didn’t tell her anything, but inside it was killing me. I always thought of my favorite emo quote at the times that I was sad from thinking about it so much……. What’s that? What’s the quote you ask well I’ll tell you. You see one day I was on Google looking up emo quotes and I found this one that said Sick of crying. Tired of trying. Yeah I’m smiling, but inside I’m DYING! That quote was perfect for the way that I was feeling.
    The first couple of days after I realized my true feelings were the hardest. I would cry my eyes out. Sometimes I couldn’t stop. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go on like that and if it didn’t stop I wouldn’t know what to do. Some people told me that I was crazy for hiding my feelings. I should have been open about it and maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like this. I don’t really know, but everything happens for a reason………Don’t tell me that things don’t happen for a reason. I believe want I want and you believe what you want.
    So about a month into finding out how I felt about her I started to be able to control my feelings. Everything was going fine. We were still best friends and all, but it was still hard on me. Soon though about two more months I forgot all about my feelings. Thank god for that.
    “Alice that’s all we have time for today.” the adult that I now know as Sam said. The rest of the class got up and left. Sam came over to me when I was about to go. She smiled and said “that was very good. From what your mom told me I thought it would take you awhile to warm up to the class and tell us what was wrong.” I smiled back and said “ don’t worry. As long as I have my eyes closed it makes everything better because I can’t see the expressions on anybody else’s faces. Not to mention when I close my eyes I can see the story unfold before my eyes.” I smiled again and started to leave “ bye Sam.” I said. I really started to think that we would become friends of some sort. I left the room and started to follow the yellow hallway back the way I came. There was a lot of people out in the hall this time and all of them were staring at me. I hated it when people stared at me, but I had to learn to deal with it after all I am different.
    So when I got to the front of the building and went outside I started looking for my mom and of course I didn’t see her anywhere. So I started to walk towards home. It was a cold night and I didn’t have a coat with me. About fifteen minutes into my walk for home a red truck pulled up next to me and the driver rolled down the window. “Hey Alice do you want a ride home or are you meeting someone somewhere?” the guy in the drivers seat asked. I smiled and said “yes a ride would be very nice if you don’t mind.” The guy just smiled and motioned towards the passenger door. I walked over to the other side of the truck and got in. I turned towards the guy and said “So I know that your from my class, but nobody told me their names so um…….. What’s your name?” He just laughed at me and started driving. “My name is Adam and you can turn the radio on if you want to” he said with a soft smile on his face. I just smiled and looked out the window I don’t really like listening to the radio with people I don’t really know.
    I told him where to go to take me home and about forty-five minutes into the drive I was home. “Thanks a lot Adam.” I said as I opened the door. “No problem……I guess I’ll see you at the next meeting.” Adam said. I waved from the doorstep and went inside.
    Inside I saw my mom lying on the couch with a beer next to her. Great I thought she was drinking all night while I was gone. So I went upstairs took a shower and went to sleep.