[$] Not Myself [Avengers rp] (MDaylus)

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony turned to face Loki as he felt the pain come from the god. Frowning, he let himself think he’d made a mistake for a moment before he decided it was better to have said it now than to have waited. “I know you didn’t Loki….but it happened.” He said slowly. “And if you think you can use that furniture and not hang our children with the fear and bad memories of Vali and Narfi, then we’ll use it. I’m sure it’s better than just about anything I could buy. But you need to think about it. You need to be sure that if you see our son and our daughter in an old crib, you aren’t going to see Vali and Narfi instead.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki nodded brokenly when Tony stated that he knew he hadn't meant to do such things but that it had happened. He was doubting himself now that Tony had made the connection in his mind to the two sets of twins and the furniture. He didn't know if he couldn't think of Vali and Narfi when seeing their children in the furniture. The thought that he might not be able to separate the children made the god more upset as he listened to Tony talk on. When the man said that he was sure the furniture was better built a thought crossed his mind. *We could have a new set built. I wouldn't connect it to the twins then. I mean our twins would be separate then and I wouldn't think of Vali and Narfi.* he offered. He wanted to make this right now, he felt like he had done wrong by offering the furniture. He should have known better, he should have destroyed it when he had killed his children so he wouldn't be reminded of them. He wanted to cry but he was sure that wouldn't fix things.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Feeling the turmoil he’d caused in Loki, Tony slowly reached up and took his hand, holding it tightly as he looked at him. “We could have some built.” He agreed. “But I don’t want you to rushing into a decision.” He added after a moment. “I’m sure there are…..good things that come with the furniture too. And I can’t deny you them. Think about it for a while. Even if it’s just a few things, we can use what you’re comfortable with.” He said softly.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki was almost to full on panicking when Tony grasped his hand and held it tightly. For an instant everything stilled in Loki as he looked to tony concern still in his eyes. He blinked at the man when Tony said that could have some furniture built but that he didnt want him rushing into a decision. After a hesitating moment he nodded softly. He continued to listen and his heart which had been pounding calmed as Tony spoke saying that he was sure the baby furniture he had came with good things. *I do not want to blend our children with my Vali and Narfi.* Loki stated weakly. He was a but surprised by what Tony was offering him, despite what mistakes he had already made in doing what he didn't wish to.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony squeezed Loki’s hand as he felt the god begin to calm. “I don’t want that either.” He replied slowly. “But I think there may be some things that you can use that won’t cause that. That will remind you of good things and not bad….but you just need to think about what will and won’t do that.” He told him. “And remembering them isn’t bad. We’re having twins after all, but it’s only okay if you’re associating the good things and not the bad.”
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki gave a weak squeeze back when tony squeezed his hand. He listened as the man said that he thought there might be somethinga that could be used that wouldn't cause loki to think of his other children. He nodded, there were many things in what he had that reminded him of good times. He wondered however if thinking of the good times wouldn't lead him to thinking about worse times. He nodded again when to y told him that it was only okay to associate the good things not the bad. He breathed then slowly and steady. Then he pulled his hand from Tony's to put the tray of food on the nightstand beside him before shimmying down the bed to lay down. He didn't feel like eating anymore, his stomach to tight with the stress of things. *Youll have to look at everything. Maybe if my mother does come down she can open the pocket for me and we can do it then* Loki said a few minutes later.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony let Loki pull away, knowing that he wasn’t bordering on panic like he had been moments before, watching him, he waited until the god seemed settled before slowly shifting Fenrir from his chest to lay next to Loki, knowing the god would likely appreciate having the pup close. “If you feel up to it, we’ll look.” Tony agreed softly. Looking to Loki seriously then, he locked eyes with the god. “I know I’ve asked it before, but I guess I need to hear ir again….you’re really okay with me right? With me being the father and me being involved? Now’s the time to speak up if you don’t…..” he asked seriously. Even though Loki had answered the questions numerous times now, there was no denying that that was Tony’s biggest concern and biggest fear.  

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki looked to Tony when the man shifted for a moment he hoped the man was shifting closer to him but instead the man placed Fenrir between them. He was glad to have the pup close and he was vaguely reminded of the pictures he had seen of couples with a child between them all asleep but the parents seemed to protect the child. Still he desired the closeness to tony. When the man said they could look if he felt up to it he nodded. He was about to decide to try and sleep again when Tony locked eyes with him stopping Loki in his thoughts. He listened and blinked in confusion. *I want you, I never didn't want you. I was scared you wouldn't want me, that you wouldn't want them.* Loki assured before gesturing to his stomach. *There are things I want to tell you but I can't Jarvis can't translate it. I wrote a letter but only Thor or my mother can understand it.* Loki explained. He wished he could tell Tony what had helped him make his decision to run but he couldn't, had no way to and it ate him up.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony listened, watching Loki. "I have always wanted you...." Tony replied. Slowly reaching out, he placed his hand on Loki's stomach, a little more confident in the movement than he had been earlier. "And even if I didn't originally want kids, I would never not love them or try to send them away." He said softly. Frowning as Loki continued, he searched the god's face. "A letter?" He asked slowly. "Would Thor be able to read it to me?"
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Relief flooded Loki a bit when Tony said that he had always wanted him. His shoulders relaxed at those words, like tony he had been so worried about that. When the man placed a hand on Loki's stomach with more confidence than before Loki smiled a small smile. The smile almost disappeared when Tony said that he didnt originally want kids but he heard the man out and loki felt his throat tighten with emotion. Tony's words brought him more relief knowing that Tony would not send their children away and that he would at least try to love them. He nodded when tony confirmed the existence of the letter. *Yes Thor should be able to read it. It is written in Asgardian runes.* Loki assured.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Rubbing Loki’s stomach gently, Tony felt Loki’s emotions through the bond. Felt how deeply his words affected the god. Hearing Loki say that Thor could read the letter, Tony frowned slightly. “Let me guess….you don’t want him reading it to me right?” he asked softly. “otherwise you would have given it to Thor right after you wrote it. “
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki relaxed some more as Tony rubbed his stomach even though the children were kicking lightly at their father's hand letting him know they were there. When Tony frowned and said that he thought that Loki didn't want Thor reading the letter. *That is not it, he was gone when I wrote it. Thor can read it to you but can you not do it with Fenrir in earshot. I don't want my son to hear what's in it.* Lokipleaded. He knew the information in the letter wouldn't fix things over even excuse his actions but he thought it would help Tony understand his actions.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony jumped slightly at the first few kicks, but slowly relaxed, seeming fascinated by the sensation. Those were his children. His twins. They were alive and strong. That knowledge was deeply satisfying, in ways he couldn’t quite express. Listening to Loki’s request, he frowned. Moving his hand from Loki’s stomach, he slowly pet Fenrir instead. He had no idea what Loki could have to say that he’d be so desperate to keep from Fenrir. It was a little unsettling to think about honestly. “I can do that if it’s that important to you.” He said slowly.
 

[Alikia Tsuki]

MDaylus

Loki watched Tony when the man removed his hand and her felt himself tense again. He was fearful that the man would deny his request to keep the contents of the letter from fenrir. Especially as he pet the pup. When the man said he could do that if it was so important to him. *It is, some of the letter involves his father and I have no wish to alter Fenrir's view of him.* Loki explained. *The letter is on the deal in the study.* Loki continued.  

[MDaylus]

Alikia Tsuki

Tony slowly nodded as Loki explained the letter dealt with Fenrir’s father. He could understand a hesitancy to involve Fenrir then, but still, that didn’t sit completely well with him. “I don’t know what it is that you’re hiding, and I can’t make these decisions for you, but you should probably think about telling Fenrir whatever this secret is. One day.” He said softly. Hearing that it was in the study, Tony shifted. He hadn’t gone in there since Loki left. That was Loki’s space, it felt like trespassing without him around and it held too many memories of him for Tony to handle going inside. “We’ll have a look at it later.” He said softly. “I imagine you’ll want to be there too. And right now, you need rest.”