[PRP] Within (Nili & Adaeze) [FIN]

[Daffupanda]

There was trouble brewing. Nili could tell. He wasn't new at this in any way, shape or form, and honestly... the air was charged. Something was bound to happen; all the tension he could feel building had to somehow release, and what little he knew about what was going on in the background told the former Song Keeper that it wouldn't be pretty. Still, all that seemed slightly unimportant to him as he padded across the beach, his mouth holding a rock he'd found washed upon the shore earlier that morning.

He'd known Adaeze was feeling particularly upset of late. He'd noticed her slink off away from their family early in the day and had not shown up since; if she was anything like him (which she was, amusingly enough), she'd likely holed herself up. In her case, it was likely in the most literal of senses, too. She was probably hidden away within one of the many coves within the shoreline, and thus, Nili followed her scent, stopping only every so often to look at the water line or to observe a plant that caught his attention momentarily, treasure still securely clutched within his mouth.

It was a rather long while later that he finally managed to spot the cove his younger sister had chosen as her own, and he peeked his head in to find her curled up to the side.

Wordlessly, he padded over to her, and just as silently flopped down at her side, dropping the boring looking rock at her feet, "Found this. Thought of you," for the time being, it looked like a rather unassuming rock. But Nili knew better... he'd seen rocks like this one and knew what lay within.

Ladypipen

 

[Daffupanda]

((Apparently the site's not loading for pippy, so I'll log for her XD))

There was a tension in the earth that had even Adaeze anxious- she was not the wisest or most clever of lions, but there was a primal sense of wrong-ness that hung in the air that even the most bullheaded lion could feel, and Adaeze- as used as she was to such base feelings of disconnect and error- was no exception.

So, she did what she did best- she kept to herself, taking more and more time away from the pride and in her own company, and the company of the caves. The rock, at least, knew what it meant to be set in stone, even with the strange scent of anticipation mingling with the salt in the wind, and she never failed to find comfort there.

And usually, lions didn't find her there, either- the wind brushed the scent from the rock as if it were never there, but then, Nili always was annoyingly detailed-oriented. There wasn't anything he couldn't miss, including just where his sibling had slunk off to brood to, though she didn't grace him with acknowledgement, such was her general displeasure, simply turning her head so that it was her cheek pressed into the warming stone, rather than her chin, tail waving in silent annoyance as her brother flopped beside her.

She even took the rock he pushed at her, pinning it under a paw, "A rock reminds you of me, huh?" she sniffed, with only a fraction of the bit her tone usually carried- she simply hadn't the energy for it, "Why, I'm flattered. Was it the bland color? The rough edges?" Oh, she could go on- make no mistake, any other time, she would have.

Today, though.... Well, the sibling rivalry was nothing new, but maybe- just maybe- though she'd never admit it, she might have enjoyed the fact he came looking, and flopped down uselessly with her. Just a little bit, mind you.  

[Daffupanda]

Nili stretched and got himself comfortable. After all, he figured that no, he would not, in fact, be moving anywhere any time soon if things went in the general direction he expected they would. Deze was nothing if not bullheaded, and it might take him a while to make the point he'd come here to make, "Well, yes," he scoffed slightly, turning the rock over, watching it from one direction, and then the other before her paw came over it, covering it from view, "It's your muse, after all. And I found this particular one... appealing."

He'd always found it interesting how very much like her muse his sister was, despite all the whining she'd done once she'd been claimed by it, "Oh please," he refrained from rolling his eyes, but only just barely as he 'tsked' loudly with his tongue, "I'd say not to be melodramatic, but then... pot kettle sort of thing, wouldn't you say? But no, you dumbo, it's none of those things," he reached over with his paw, reclining his weight firmly against her as he snatched the rock from her grasp.

"It's not what's on the outside," he said softly, and then, with an expertise that seemed to betray the fact he'd done this sort of thing more than once, the small male grabbed the rock and smashed it with force over a particularly jagged rock a little to his left before lifting it to inspect his work, "It's what's inside that matters. You and I, perhaps know it better than the others... I know you know what I mean," he then passed her the newly opened geode for her to inspect; the few rays of sun that filtered within the cave already reflecting the colors on the walls of stone around them, "I feel it too, you know... the wrongness. Not being right, within my own skin."  

[Daffupanda]

Of course he got comfortable- Adaeze expected nothing less, as mild as she was being- for the moment, her attention was focused more on the rock she had been presented with than her brother, one cautious claw sliding out to tap on the stone. though she'd be loathe to ever admit it, in the deeper reaches of her cave there was in fact a sizable rock collection- one she knew every name and voice of, every shape and size.

As outraged as she was when her muse was discovered- hard, ugly and borish as rocks were- her muse they were, and she found a deep comfort in them, rock or not. She'd honestly taken it at face value, assuming her brother simply knew and accepted this as he silently knew and accepted every other part of her... He understood an awful lot, she could tell, and she understood to. It was part of what built the closeness she felt and cherished, though they were from different litters.

Her ear only twitched at his tsking admonishments, only mewing displeasure when he pulled the rock from her grip- displeasure that turned into an outright growl of panic the moment he took the poor thing and smashed it into the floor, the stone shattering even before she had hauled herself up in her panic- "WHAT are you DOING-" she screeched, sense washed away in the moment of her panic, only to be silenced the moment he spoke again, pushing the revealed geode at her.

For a moment, she simply admired the glittering crystals that lay hid inside, thought taken away wherever her breath had gone, until a few moments ticked by and Nili spoke again, snapping her attention back onto her brother.

And for once... For once, the barbed lioness had no words. "You're being nice," she gaped, tearing her eyes from the geode to stare at her brother, maw working open and closed before she finally settled for laying back down next to him, leaning against his small frame as she pulled the geode back to her, gently rocking it side to side to watch the sunlight play on the crystals inside, "I don't know how to respond when you get all sentimental. You should go back to insulting me, that's easier to discuss- I think I left off at rough edges?" she pouted, staring more and more insistently at the geode as she spoke...

Pretty on the inside.... It was the validation, even moreso, made her squirm in blushing, flattered embarrassment than the compliment, really. Yes, she knew what he meant.... She was fairly certain of it, anyway, but that didn't make it any easier to speak of it- private or not, the moment it was spoken, it was really real= no longer just a sense or a feeling, and that was a frightening concept.  

[Daffupanda]

He watched his sibling in silence, having ignored her even when she screeched her displeasure at him upon the shattering of the geode. But then, can't make an omelette without shattering some eggs, or so he'd been told, and as such, he'd pushed forward. A small grin had tugged at his maw when her scream had all but died in her throat when the colors washed upon both her startled face and the side of the cave, "Yes, well," he snorted, "I've been known to do that from time to time," he drawled, "But only to people that really do deserve it, and only sparingly. Can't go tarnishing this b***h persona I've crafted oh-so neatly, now can I?" they were just words, really, and yet... also not really. He meant every single one of them, and he knew his sister could read him as well as he could read her.

Two sides of the same coin, him and her.

As she spoke, he couldn't help but chuckle, but gave her the metaphorical space and time she seemed to need to regather herself, turning his face away from her form and the geode she now neatly and lovingly held within her paws. He instead watched the sun lingering beyond their cove, trying to figure out how to put thoughts into words in a way that would not sound stupid and wouldn't distress his sister further, given her obviously raw state.
"I think..." he paused, frowned, and tried again, his voice lowered several notches, "I think... that there was a mistake," he said softly, "I didn't understand what it was until you came along though. Didn't really put two and two together until I saw you, and you grew up and I saw... I saw myself in you. Shades, a shadow... a ghost of a hint, really, but there, only in reverse."

Again he fell silent for a while, his eyes never leaving the opening of the cove, both because he wanted to make sure no one but Aedeze ever heard these words, but because he couldn't bear to look at her as he spoke, "I think there was a mix up. The gods, the muses... someone for it wrong, 'Deze. I think I took your body. You took mine," his mouth closed then, and he finally looked at the geode she held in her paws. Beautiful inside, no matter what was on the outside.

Her essence was just as beautiful as his, despite the wrongness of the situation they were both in. It was just something he'd learned to live with, just like she had too, "No one else understands."  

[Daffupanda]

"Persona? Whatever you gotta tell yourself," Adeaze mumbled- back to her bite, maybe, but still without the edge. He was trying to be serious, to have a moment, no matter how uncomfortable Adaeze was confronting actual feelings and issues rather than squeezing her eyes shut, placing her paws over her ears and pretending they didn't exist.

She could give him at least a little cooperation for that, all things considered. He had come all the way to the caves to sniff her out, just to cheer her up- the geode was evident enough of that, enraptured as she was- she didn't know if.... Well, alright, it was an embarrassingly accurate metaphor, and he had come all the way to cheer her up and let her know she wasn't alone. She appreciated that.... Much more than she'd ever actually willingly admit.

She was content, for the moment, to enjoy the silent company- she suspected that he was as much here for himself as he was for her, really, but that was hardly a bad thing. Birds of a feather, they were... And for all he was a prickly b***h, Adaeze still enjoyed him very much, cheek pressed against his warm shoulder as she enjoyed admiring her new friend, and her brother's silent company until he spoke up once more.

One would think the validation would be exciting, a happy thing even, but ice flowed through her veins as Nili spoke- she hated the feelings she grew up with, the constant sense of wrong-ness that kept her just a bit apart from her family and perhaps that was why she'd bonded so well with Nili... But she wouldn't have wished it on him, even for the solidarity.

"The gods have a twisted sense of humor," Adaeze grimaced in response- Could the gods make mistakes? As big of a mistake as this was? "I'm sorry, Nili," Perhaps it was the pessimism of her moment, leaning just a little bit heavier on him in comfort, "I know it's true. There's always been the feeling- the sense of being.... Off." She didn't like the other fear that teased at the back of her mind, either- that they only shared a bond of closeness due to the divine mistake, "Do you think we'd've been close," Adaeze dared, "If we weren't... In the wrong bodies?"

Perhaps it was her dark mood- but there was little that could be changed about what was done. Nothing much more than speculation and enjoying Nili's company, really... If anyone had to have been mixed with her, really, she was glad it was Nili, for all that was worth.  

[Daffupanda]

He could see his sister struggling, and after watching her twitch for a few seconds, leaned into her, trying to tell her without words that he needed nothing from her. That he did not expect her to do anything but what she'd always done before; he did not need her to change to know how she felt or that she loved him back. The words were unnecessary at that point; he'd known since the day he'd set eyes on her.

As such, when she settled back into silence, admiring her geode, the small male was content. One day, perhaps someone would walk into her life, become her mate, but his place was secure as family. After all, theirs was a close nit family, and they never usually strayed far away from each other. If the downfall of the muse had not caused their tight bonds to crack, then Nili figured not much else would... Even if he did miss those that left. Specially Panu.

Those that stayed though, Nili was sure would never leave.

"The gods are not infallible... we know that better than most," Li wei, after all, had been responsible for the muses leaving, even if that had not been the intent at the time. When one looked at things like that, it made them think and realize that everyone on earth was just set there and was trying to make s**t work. He let out a sigh as Aedeze leaned heavily against him, allowing his warmth to hopefully give her the comfort she needed, as he turned to look away and out the cave once more. After all, there was no need to look her in the eye, and she'd likely feel much more comfortable like that. His gaze did slide over to look at her, if only briefly as she spoke, and he shook his head, "No," he wasn't sure why he felt so sure of the answer, but he simply did, "It wasn't that wrongness that initially drew me to you; it was your colors. The Purple," another sigh, "It's dumb, inconsequential, even, but there you go. You were the only one that shared the color of her markings with me; no one else did. none of our other siblings, mother or father did."

He turned to face her and took to grooming her neck and head, like their mother had done for them while they were cubs, "Nothing would have changed."  

[LadyPipen]

"Purple," Adaeze barked a laugh- it was true, honestly, none of their siblings shared their coloration and it was a link that bound them still- perhaps it was what had caused the confusion, switching two purple souls with two purple bodies, and whether that was a realistic idea or not, it was amusing.

He put on a show, but he was really just as soft and gooey as the rest of their family that remained was, and Adaeze purred under his attention, even turning her head to rasp her tongue over his mane, enjoying the moment and the closeness for what it was. It was true, if any of their family shared their purple color, she had no idea who they were or if they yet lived- she'd never met them, and it was a comfort to think that their shared off-ness was not the only link that could be found.

"You're a right sentimental softie when you wanna be, Nili. Better not let the rest of the pride know, they'll think you've lost your edge," Adaeze teased- she may have grown, but she never did quite get the hang of serious conversations- they were hard, and she was much more comfortable with the easy teasing and ribbing she and Nili had always shared, even if it looked aggressive to those outside of their family. "But thank you."

The geode was beautiful.  

[Daffupanda]

"Purple," he agreed with the ghost of a smile upon his lips, his grooming continuing for just a few moments further before he tilted his head and allowed her to return the affection by grooming his mane, curled by the sea air.

He'd always wondered where the purple came from, but wasn't intrigued enough to ask. He'd just assumed he'd always be the odd one out, and thus, when the second litter had arrived and Aedeze had come to be, Nili had known they were destined to be side of the same coin. It could not have been any other way.

He chuckled softly as he set his head down on top of her shoulders, allowing his eyes to close and the geode to paint soft colors across the walls of the cave and his closed lids, "Shhh... don't tell anyone," he allowed the moment stretch for just a few moments more, and then, "You're welcome."  

[LadyPipen]

Adaeze let the softness of the moment wash over her, enjoying the warmth of her brother next to her and the no-longer-quite-cold feeling of the geode nestled between her paws- Raha. Her happiness, her comfort, her special friend. The moment was awash in contentment and warm comfort, even as Nili's breathing slowed to sleep.

She wouldn't trade it for the world, she decided. There were negatives in every life, wasn't there, not just in their own- and in this one moment, Adaeze was very sure that it was worth it. Every feeling of displacement and every moment she felt the wrongness in her own paws... She still had her brother, and her family. She had Raha.

One day she might even have a lion to walk with- never to compare or replace the closeness she and her brother shared, she was certain, for mates were a tragic thing.... But she could find nothing tragic for what she had here in familial bonds, as she leaned her head against Nili's soft mane, letting her eyes droop closed, and she didn't think she ever would.