Welcome to Gaia! :: Artist Gallery

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"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."<br />
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"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."<br />
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"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."<br />
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"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus."<br />
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"God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."<br />
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"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again.""<br />
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"We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities."<br />
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"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days."<br />
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"Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many"; and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures"."<br />
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"My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins."<br />
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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils <br />
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.<br />
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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.<br />
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.<br />
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Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!<br />
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.<br />
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman<br />
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"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."<br />
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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.<br />
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If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.<br />
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.<br />
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.<br />
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The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.<br />
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge<br />
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.<br />
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"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."<br />
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He who laughs last didn't get it.<br />
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When there's a will, I want to be in it.<br />
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There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.<br />
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Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?<br />
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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. <br />
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Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.<br />
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Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.<br />
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Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?<br />
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This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.<br />
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Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.<br />
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Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river<br />
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A penny saved is ridiculous.<br />
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Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!<br />
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All generalizations are false, including this one.<br />
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We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him. <br />
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Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off. <br />
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There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age. <br />
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My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. <br />
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A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! <br />
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"Cheese... milk's leap toward immortality." <br />
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."<br />
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Don't drink and drive, cause you might hit a bump and spill.<br />
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The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 of the people on earth take up 75% of the worlds population!!!<br />
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Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.<br />
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A cat is a tiger that is fed by hand.<br />
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A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.<br />
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God made the cat in order that man might have the pleasure of caressing the lion.<br />
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Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats.<br />
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Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.<br />
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Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.<br />
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The cat was created when the lion sneezed.<br />
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I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream.<br />
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The smart cat doesn't let on that he is.<br />
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Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.<br />
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A meow massages the heart.<br />
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Dogs eat. Cats dine.<br />
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The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.<br />
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In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this.<br />
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So there are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.<br />
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No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one Who is, won't make you cry.<br />
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.. <br />
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart. <br />
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The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them <br />
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Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. <br />
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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. <br />
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Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. <br />
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Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. <br />
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Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. <br />
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Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you. <br />
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Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. <br />
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i wonder, if someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?<br />
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is in desperate need of some duct tape, barbed wire, a screwdriver, shovel, and handcuffs. what you do in your own time is your business... dont judge me<br />
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just read that the local police station had its toilet stolen.... the cops have nothing to go on<br />
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if at first you don't succeed, don't give up... try it again, only try it the way your wife told you to in the first place!!!<br />
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_______o/________halp I'm drouding. oh no here come the sharks_______o/________/______help shark attack_________o/_/_____its eaten my arm_______o/_______<br />
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No one notices what I do, until I don't do it any more.<br />
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if duct tape and chocolate don't fix it, you're in serious trouble<br />
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It's amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.<br />
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I think Mother Nature is going through Menopause because one day it is warm and the next day its cold. Enough Already!<br />
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The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.<br />
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.<br />
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.<br />
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There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?<br />
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Everything ends this way in France - everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, funerals, swindlings, diplomatic affairs - everything is a pretext for a good dinner.<br />
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My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.<br />
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To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.<br />
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."<br />
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"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."<br />
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"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."<br />
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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."<br />
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"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."<br />
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"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."<br />
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"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."<br />
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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."<br />
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"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."<br />
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"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."<br />
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."<br />
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"My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."<br />
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"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."<br />
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"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."<br />
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"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."<br />
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"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."<br />
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"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."<br />
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.<br />
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When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. <br />

Albert Einstein

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"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."<br />
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I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. <br />
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"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." <br />
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If you can't convince them, confuse them.<br />
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He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.<br />
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"The draft is white people sending black people to fight yellow people to protect the country they stole from red people."<br />
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"Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable."<br />
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"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another."<br />
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"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."<br />
Tim Allen <br />
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"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."