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1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. <br />
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2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. <br />
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3. <br />
Going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more <br />
than standing in a garage makes you a car. <br />
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4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat. <br />
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5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. <br />
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6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. <br />
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7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. <br />
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8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. <br />
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9. For every action, there is an equal & opposite government program. <br />
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10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. <br />
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11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. <br />
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12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good. <br />
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13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. <br />
(Just remember how <br />
lucky you were to get a free trip around the sun. <br />
) <br />
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14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. <br />
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15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. <br />
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16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. <br />
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17. <br />
Middle age is when broadness of the mind & <br />
narrowness of the waist change places. <br />
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18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. <br />
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19. <br />
Junk is something you've kept for years & <br />
throw away three weeks before you need it. <br />
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20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. <br />
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21. Experience is a wonderful thing. <br />
It enables you <br />
to recognize a mistake when you make it again. <br />
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22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends. <br />
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23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator. <br />
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24. <br />
Someone who thinks logically provides <br />
a nice contrast to the real world. <br />
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25. <br />
If you must choose between two evils, <br />
chose the one that you've never tried before. <br />
~~~~~<br />