Welcome to Gaia! :: Artist Gallery

This used to be a really cool place. I miss it so much.<br />
I made my first account around 2010, I think. I was a confused, lonely girl in her preteens who had nobody to spend her time with outside of school. It's painful to reminisce. So much loneliness and pain and angst. Relentless bullying at school and home, and then books, manga, TV, and video games. That's all I remember. I spent years daydreaming. Reality wasn't something I could handle. <br />
Imaginary worlds helped me escape. I'd dream up a universe with the help of all those kids like me, who knew how to make words into a safe place. That's how I ran into this website - while looking up fanfiction. I was browsing Google when an image popped out that was definitely not for kids. It was incredibly explicit. To this day I have no idea how the mods have not taken it down the moment it was posted. But I was a curious one. One click led to another, one page to another, and... I found Gaia. It felt like a sanctuary.<br />
Oh, those were the days! Bottle-filled aquariums, Towns full of bugs, and folks chatting while the virtual sun was setting and rising. I remember how I once hid in the bushes because I was convinced nobody saw me. And then zOMG. Connecting to practically full servers, killing Gnomes for badges, waiting for a crew in front of Dead Man's Pass, getting murdered by Buzzsaws. Meeting people who were kind enough to save me when I was in trouble, watching passersby heal and buff me with Teflon spray. I'd spend hours earning gold just so I could buy some stuff in Jock Strap and Barton Boutique. My current avi is so similar to the one I used to have. The ones I made on TekTek were just as weird and bland. But I loved them.<br />
I loved everything about this site, though only a few people ever found out I was using it. There was nobody to tell, after all. <br />
There were so many things to do. I added items I could never have to my wishlist. I collected bags around gold shops during Halloween. I rode that airship and hunted for meat during summer events. I edited my profile a thousand times. I filled my sig with gifs and pngs. I RPed, solo, if that makes any sense. I pretended I was a shopkeeper like Urahara on the MP. I joined a thousand guilds. I completed zOMG recipes and always wore a badge.<br />
I made stupid little haikus and sent them to my friend. I'm sad to admit I don't even remember his name. I only remember three things: he broke up with his girlfriend back then, he was very depressed, and he was a sweet, kind soul. Buddy, if you're reading this, and you remember a brat who called you bro all the time and made DeviantArt so he could send you awful haikus about pie - I hope you're doing well. I should've been a better friend to you. Instead, I was nothing but a stupid, mean little creature. Forgive me. <br />
All I could do back then was lie. I was too ashamed of myself to be honest. Which reminds me - I used to pretend I was a boy. It was easier to face my sexuality that way. Nobody would bother me for liking a girl. I even had a fake girlfriend, which didn't last long. Thank god. I hated that Starmony thing she used to wear.<br />
Time passed. I had no idea I'd be fond of all these little things. I wish I kept that account. But it's too late. I left Gaia and came back a thousand times, and at least 3 accounts are gathering dust on these servers. I'll probably never remember my old usernames.<br />
Nostalgia was what kept me coming back. I needed a sanctuary, and this was it. It drowned out dark thoughts, which wasn't that great in hindsight. I needed an actual solution, not a bubble. Adults should have seen I needed help. Instead, they let me wallow and run away. I hid in these lines of code. Nobody bullied me here. Nobody hated me here. I was safe. That's all I wanted.<br />
Still, everything has its expiration date. It's time to move on. Gaia has changed for the worse a long time ago. Too few things still function, and too many bitter adults are back. As for me... I'm no longer a sad kid. I'm a sad adult in her mid-20s - except now I have hope. There's much to work on so I can become the adult little me needed. I want to be good and kind. I want to make people happy. <br />
On October 21st, 2023. I decided to leave this website. Hopefully, I'll manage to do this by October 31st. In the meantime, I'll use my journal and try to do nice things. And when the time comes, I'll write the final part of this section. I just want a part of me to stay here. Maybe someone will find this in the distant future, and I won't be forgotten.