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  • Artist Info: 101 ways to annoy people blaugh <br />
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    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.<br />
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    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."<br />
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    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."<br />
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    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."<br />
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    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.<br />
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    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.<br />
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    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.<br />
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    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.<br />
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    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".<br />
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    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.<br />
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    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.<br />
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    12. Sniffle incessantly.<br />
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    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.<br />
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    14. Name your dog "Dog."<br />
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    15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."<br />
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    16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."<br />
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    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."<br />
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    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".<br />
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    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."<br />
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    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.<br />
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    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.<br />
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    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.<br />
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    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.<br />
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    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.<br />
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    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."<br />
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    26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."<br />
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    27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.<br />
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    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.<br />
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    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.<br />
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    30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.<br />
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    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.<br />
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    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.<br />
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    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."<br />
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    34. Drum on every available surface.<br />
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    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.<br />
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    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.<br />
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    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.<br />
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    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.<br />
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    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.<br />
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    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.<br />
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    41. Set alarms for random times.<br />
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    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.<br />
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    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.<br />
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    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.<br />
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    45. Honk and wave to strangers.<br />
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    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.<br />
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    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.<br />
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    48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.<br />
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    49. Wear your pants backwards.<br />
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    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.<br />
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    51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"<br />
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    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.<br />
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    53. only type in lowercase.<br />
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    54. dont use any punctuation either<br />
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    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.<br />
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    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.<br />
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    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.<br />
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    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.<br />
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    59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.<br />
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    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/ UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.<br />
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    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."<br />
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    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.<br />
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    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.<br />
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    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.<br />
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    65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."<br />
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    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.<br />
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    67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.<br />
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    68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."<br />
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    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.<br />
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    70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.<br />
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    71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.<br />
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    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.<br />
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    73. Drive half a block.<br />
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    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.<br />
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    75. Ask people what gender they are.<br />
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    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.<br />
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    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.<br />
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    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".<br />
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    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.<br />
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    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.<br />
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    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.<br />
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    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.<br />
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    83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."<br />
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    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.<br />
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    85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.<br />
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    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.<br />
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    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."<br />
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    88. Sing along at the opera.<br />
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    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.<br />
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    90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"<br />
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    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."<br />
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    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.<br />
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    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."<br />
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    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."<br />
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    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.<br />
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    96. Never make eye contact.<br />
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    97. Never break eye contact.<br />
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    98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.<br />
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    99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.<br />
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    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.<br />
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    101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. <br />
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    65 Things to Do on a Long Airplane Ride<br />
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    1. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it<br />
    2. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar<br />
    3. Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, anounce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places<br />
    4.Run down the aisle screaming,"He's got a bomb! He's got a bomb!"<br />
    5. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed<br />
    6. Fly into a rage whenever the word "Gallstone" is mentioned<br />
    7. "Accidental" soda spill on the dork next to you.<br />
    8. Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preporation H to your hemrrhoids<br />
    9. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask somone if they have a bat you could use to test.<br />
    10. Disco dance in the aisle<br />
    11. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends<br />
    12. Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't"<br />
    13. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"<br />
    14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you<br />
    15. Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner"<br />
    16. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers<br />
    17. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers<br />
    18. Moon passing Delta planes<br />
    19. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane<br />
    20. Start a hot dog stand<br />
    21. Steal businessman's laptop, play solitaire on it<br />
    22. Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes<br />
    23. During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone<br />
    24. When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud<br />
    25. When there's any nudity, say "Hey! He/she must be real cold!"<br />
    26. Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon<br />
    27. With the person next to you, discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands<br />
    28. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning<br />
    29. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you<br />
    30. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni<br />
    31. Show off your Batman underwear<br />
    32. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only)<br />
    33. Switch accents and see if anyone notices<br />
    34. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup<br />
    and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers<br />
    35. Sneak into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm<br />
    36. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die<br />
    37. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head<br />
    38. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger<br />
    39. Go into the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says "e"<br />
    40. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do the call it the COCKpit?" then snort as if it's the funniest thing in the world<br />
    41. Don't use deoderant, then "accidently" stick your armpit in someone's face<br />
    42. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to cover it<br />
    43. Listen to James Brown on your Walkman, sing along (especially the<br />
    "Oooh Oooh" parts)<br />
    44. Snort when you laugh<br />
    45. Tell corny jokes and laugh like it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same 46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices<br />
    47. Sing that irritaing song that starts like this "I lost my car on the rooooooaaddd an' I'm cryin' over yooooouuuu...."<br />
    48. Recite all you can of the last Ann Landers column<br />
    49. Hum the Monty Python theme song<br />
    50. Act like a movie star<br />
    51. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason<br />
    52. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!"<br />
    53. With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say "Nevermind. Do you have any towels?"<br />
    54. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show<br />
    55. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!"<br />
    56. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra<br />
    57. Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Kevin Costner or Goldie Hawn (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)<br />
    58. Start talking Korean<br />
    59. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off<br />
    60. Pretend you're flying the plane<br />
    61. With a fellow passenger, Re-enact the disco scene in "Airplane!"<br />
    62. Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong<br />
    to a biker gang<br />
    63. Take over the plane with a toy gun<br />
    64. Yell to someone "Is it time to hijack the plane yet?" (Note: Do this when there are stewardesses there)<br />
    65. To the person next to you, say "It's amazing that they didn't notice the grenade in my luggage <br />
    <br />
    50 weird things to do on an elevator<br />
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    # Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.<br />
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    # Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.<br />
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    # Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!<br />
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    # Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.<br />
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    # Sell Girl Scout cookies.<br />
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    # On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.<br />
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    # Shave.<br />
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    # Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?<br />
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    # Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.<br />
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    # Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.<br />
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    # When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.<br />
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    # Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!<br />
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    # Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.<br />
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    # Censored by your son.<br />
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    # On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.<br />
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    # Do Tai Chi exercises.<br />
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    # Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!<br />
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    # When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!<br />
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    # Give religious tracts to each passenger.<br />
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    # Meow occassionally.<br />
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    # Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.<br />
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    # Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!<br />
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    # Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.<br />
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    # Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.<br />
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    # Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.<br />
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    # Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.<br />
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    # Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.<br />
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    # Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!<br />
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    # Leave a box between the doors.<br />
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    # Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.<br />
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    # Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.<br />
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    # Start a sing-along.<br />
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    # When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?<br />
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    # Play the harmonica.<br />
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    # Shadow box.<br />
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    # Say Ding! at each floor.<br />
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    # Lean against the button panel.<br />
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    # Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.<br />
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    # Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.<br />
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    # Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.<br />
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    # Bring a chair along.<br />
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    # Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?<br />
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    # Blow spit bubbles.<br />
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    # Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.<br />
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    # Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.<br />
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    # Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.<br />
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    # Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.<br />
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    # Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.<br />
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    # Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.<br />
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    # If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!
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