• Once upon the time, there was a magical hat. When someone wore this hat, they would be granted innumerable magical powers. The hat was first found by a young tailor, living in London at the time, that proclaimed the hat to be totally and utterly hideous. No one wanted to wear the hat for fear of being called ugly. It was passed from owner to owner and eventually ended up inside a tree somewhere in Ireland. A lonesome raven spotted the hat, and, feeling tired from it's day long trek, landed in the hat. This hat is not very comfortable, the raven thought, I wish it was bit snugger, and a bit warmer.

    And so it was. The hat became lined with fur, and changed to fit the ravens body. It resembled a knitted cap. The raven was so comfortable, in fact, that he spent many nights in it, not moving to fetch food or exercise, or anything. The raven learned that if he laid very still in the hat, all sorts of bugs and creatures would pass by. When they came a little to close, Mr. raven swallowed them whole. He grew very fat and lazy.

    One day, though, a big sweaty guy with an ax came to chop down the tree. The big sweaty guy angered Raven. How dare this big sweaty man try to chop down HIS tree? The Raven wished he was bigger and stronger than the man, so he could show him that this was HIS tree, and that he wasn't about to give it up.

    As soon as this thought occurred to raven, He grew much larger, and stronger. Much bigger than the big sweaty guy with an ax The hat grew with him, and now sat on his back like some sort of turtle shell. The man was very frightened by the bird, and shrunk down towards the tree, tears in his eyes. Raven tried to scream at him, and tried to tell him off, but all the big sweaty guy heard was a strange array of terrifying screeches. The big sweaty guy proceeded to bawling his eyes out and screaming for Raven to stop.

    Raven was VERY angry by now, and leaned down very close to the man. The big sweaty man(who was now covered with more than one type of fluid) froze in terror and stared at one of Ravens big black eyes. The Raven reached downward and tore the big sweaty guys head right off with his beak. His powerful jaws crunched down on the skull of the man, blood splattered against his beautiful black feathers and beak and every other nearby surface.

    Raven tears up the rest of the big sweaty guys body, consumed with rage and fury. Soon, there was nothing left except a few bones and a fairly large puddle of blood and sweat and tears and other unidentifiable fluids(but mostly blood). Raven returned to his normal size, and went back to his tree. You have served me well, Mr Hat, Raven thought, tomorrow you will be tested further. Raven slipped away into a peaceful slumber, while the other creatures of the forest were sitting in their homes, scared shitless.

    The Next day, Raven left his tree and grew even larger than he had the day before, and hat now sat upon his head, looking a bit like a top hat worn by a Broadway dancer. Raven flew away from Ireland, to London, where the hat had come from. Upon entrance, the people pointed and gasped and shrieked and drank tea only to spit it from their respected mouthes with great force.

    Raven landed upon a great clock tower, and told the hat that he wished to speak in a tongue that the onlookers could understand."Ladies and Gentlemen! Fools and Wise men! Children and Adults! Sane and Insane! Alive and Dead, all inferior beings that stand before Raven!" The crowd stopped raving at once.

    "Raven has come to say that from now on, HE will rule your little City. Raven is far more superior to you tiny creatures, and deserves his position of ultimate ruler of all races of this planet!" Raven Shrieked, calling all other Ravens to him. The congregated all over the city. Upon buildings and street lamps and poles and all other surfaces available. Raven Shrieked again.

    "Raven sees all! Raven hears all! No one can escape Ravens gaze!!" raven continued to Shriek while the people below cried and begged and pleaded and screamed and protested.

    For many long years, Raven held siege of London. His Raven armies spread across Europe, taking over cities. Then they spread to the surrounding Countries. Then Asia, and Africa. They went everywhere, taking over them all, while Raven enjoyed his stay in London, with the Hat constantly whispering promises of power to him. For many Centuries Raven Ruled over the people, forever.

    But then the sun exploded. Everything was destroyed. EVERYTHING. Even Raven. Oh well.