Chapter Four Two: Like You as a friend Rhombus
Everyone has someone else. Everyone has feelings for someone that exceed what they really consist of. The only problem, is the one who chooses the feelings, is less likely to choose the 'accepting what's at hand.'
Latley I've been killing myself, slowly yet surely. Someone out there, who I never would have imagined could possibly feel something of Love for myself, has confessed those feelings. I didn't want to hear it, nor did I want to accept it. I still strive in denial, but it's not just some dream or a terrible nightmare. It's real. I dont want it to be.
Who knew? Really? I never would have thought.... But I was wrong.
I guess its best to start off with how I feel about my love...
I'm blinded by the force known as love.
I'm twisting in the wind.
I'm dizzy, and my love catches me....
I'm simply falling...over...and over...and over...
And he's there to pick me back up.
I am in love. I've fallen for the sweetest, most charming, handsome, loving, gentle, funny, outgoing guy, and I love him. LOVE. The word is real. When I say it I mean it. He knows who he is, and he knows he's lucky to have me, as I am lucky to have him.
It's almost unbearable to know that someone so close to him, has feelings for me....the way I have feelings for... my love. He's my everything, yet his close friend feels the same about me. How can this happen?
I have no feelings for his close friend. None. He's my friend, and I don't want to hurt him. But alas, It is unavoidable. He knows I don't feel the same. He knows that I'm already so deep in this bottomless pit of love that there's few things that could pull me out of it...
I'm terrified. Frightened. I'm just an individual that is slowly sinking in the sand.... I feel so troubled, and I keep doubting myself.
I allow this world to bulldoze right over me.
Everyone just keeps rolling, crushing me, and stepping on my toes.
To know that God would let me be in a situation as I am now, is sickening. Someone is going to get hurt. Someone already is. If I tell my love, he'll kill his close friend. If I ask his close friend if I can tell, he'll tell my love on his own, and I'll be the one who is hurt.
I could come up with no solution. Nothing. I have to tell my love. And the only possible way for me to tell him is through this chapter.
My love... you know you are my everything. Without you, I'd be wandering through life, feeling this overwhelming nothingness. You cure my saddness, and you make my everyday perfect. If I ever lost you, I'd be losing my heart all in all... I've given it to you, with trust that you'll keep it safe and do it no harm. Having said this, I have much more to say, but I cannot find the words to say it. Its indescribable the way I love you...
So understand, that you have nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about, and nothing to get upset about. However, I understand that I am not the one who should tell you how to feel. I can only tell you how I feel and give you all the reassurance I have.
I'm sure you know who this 'close friend' is by now. If you havent figured it out... just ask. I'll tell you. but understand this as well....
I have known for two weeks. I didn't know how to respond. I've known that I had to tell you, but I have not known how. The words escaped my lips, my pen refused to write them as well... this was my last resort. I didn't want to tell you, for I couldnt see such a friendship between you and him fade over someone like me.... I didnt want to ruin it. The three of us laughing and joking, getting along so famously, and then my mind says 'quit hiding'.
So I couldn't ruin your friendship. That's one reason why I didn't tell.
The second reason I didn't tell is because I was afraid that you would lash out on him, and you would hurt him.
But then... I spoke up within myself again... 'quit hiding.'
My love, if you havent already noticed... I cannot keep a secret from you. I have to tell you everything. And this was something I saw as important. I just told myself it wasn't so I could ignore it.
I know I can't change the way he feels. I know you can't. Wwhat you will do, I hope you will base on what I've told you here. I want nothing, nor do I need anything more, than yourself. I love you. When you've finished reading this, please... talk to me.
I'm so afraid... that you won't talk to me. I need you right now... Please, Love. Speak to me....
End of Chapter Four:
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