The Way The World Will End

• Artist: Damanly1
• Description: Plz comment and tell me what i can do better
• Date: 12/12/2008
• Tags:

I awake dazed and hurting. A blood curtling scream comes from the distance. I look around nobody is around. The streets once nice are now cracked and shattered the buildings crumbling and burning. I stand up and walk onto the sidewalk. Suddenly a person comes screzming down the road. Blood covering their face. Then he falls and is dragged away screaming and crying. Then there was silence not a sound to be heard but the fire crackling inside the buildings. Then I heard a sound. A women crawls out under a car. She looks at me her face deformed her hair falling out. "This is How The World Ends." She mutters then drops.

Comments

[xXPucketteXx]

I'm sure you have great potential, and after all, no author is ever done with the perfection process. You should reformat and use spell check (an author's best friend!). Also watch your pronouns (tricky little buggers.) Fix the fragments and pay close attention to detail. Good luck!
PS--"Then there was silence not a sound to be heard but the fire crackling inside the buildings." is the best sentence in the whole work!

[xXPucketteXx]

Either I'm losing my touch...or this really isn't as awesome as these people think. I'm not trying to be mean but--words are spelled incorrectly (ScreZming? Curtling?);. The sentence structure is pretty horrible, and you have so many fragments I'm hyperventilating from all the breaths I've been taking while reading.
On the positive side, you've got a great idea, but you really should reformat and use spell check.

[Princess Amilie]

wow thats so awsome

[xXx-I-Emo_Gaara-I-xXx]

wow that is sad D= but rly good!

[AoiOmamori]

i luvv it!
you should soo write it!

[kizumia]

that was deppreising................yuo should write it

[MoniTomp]

LUV IT! Of corse I just being nice cuase I'm totally crushing on you.Lol
JK!It's good man! you should finish it! Get to work skinny! Lol!