I am a wallflower completely invisible to the world. You can usually find me sitting, staring into space or reading a large book that is frowned upon by my peers.
My names Kat. I’ve got shoulder length brown hair, Sapphire colored blue eyes and I’m 4’9. But the fact is I just don’t care anymore because this is reality: My life sucks and I’m totally fed up with it. The last straw was my best friend Eve who committed suicide.
Even with this horrible occurrence on everyone’s mind I still have to go to school. I feel as if I’m walking down this dark tunnel fueled by anger and guilt. At school where I’m ridiculed for being different, At home when I’m being yelled at for my imperfections, Where ever I go.
I wonder aimlessly from class to class wondering. It seems as if I’m always wondering. Wondering why she didn’t tell me anything. Wondering why I didn’t stop her. Wondering why she did it. Then a brilliant idea pops into my head.
Why not join her?
I sit down to plan my own suicide when I am joined by the poplars.
"Hey freak this is our hang out"
one spouts pushing me to the ground drawing me from my haze. s**t, I hadn’t been paying attention and now I was in for it. I hurriedly gather my bag and everything that spilled from it and stay sitting on the ground. I don’t think I can handle them today so I close my eyes and focus on my personal oblivion.
I’m awakened to rain on my face. I look around and no ones in sight. Guess the bell rung I say to myself surveying the damage. My clothes are torn, bruises are forming on my arms, and my hands cut and bleeding. What a wonderful ******** day. I decide to kill myself tonight in my parents perfectly kept perfectly white bedroom.
"Hah", I say aloud
"it won’t be so perfect anymore with my blood splattered everywhere."
Instead of returning to class with five or so minutes left of school I decide to enjoy the rest of my last day on earth.
Walking to the pay phone smack dab in the middle of town I let the rain drench me smiling at the strange glances people are giving me only to laugh at them when they pass me. Rose may have left town but that doesn’t me I can’t say good-by I say in my thoughts determinedly. I come to the booth and there’s a line. So I stand in line humming till it’s my turn up to bat. As I punch in Roses number I feel a pang of guilt and abruptly hang up the phone.
"I can’t do this"
I say pushing my way out of the phone booth,
" I might give something away."
So instead of telling Rose good-by I go to the park.
Sure it’s in a rough part of town. The part of town in my parent’s words where only the gang bangers and drug dealers live, but frankly my dear parents I don’t give a dam.
When I get to the park there’s hardly anyone there. Just a couple guys playing soccer and an elderly couple who is sitting on my bench. I sit down on the bench three down from my regular spot and wait for the sunset.
"I wonder what my Moms going to do when she finds my lifeless body. My arms slashed, empty aspirin bottle resting by my head, blood all over her perfect room. She’ll probably pay to have the news paper not cover the story of how her 16 year old Daughter, Katalina Vivaretti viciously took her life"
I think these thoughts laughing to myself happier now than I have been in days looking forward to seeing Eve again even if it’s in hell.
The sunset comes and it’s beautiful as ever. The bright yellow clashing with the magenta. The violet mixed with orange. All the colors colliding in perfect harmony to form yet another perfect sunset. Although I find this one the best one yet. Maybe because it is, maybe because it’s my last one. You tell me. I sit on my bench as the sunlight fades and breathe in the fresh air locking scents and sounds into my memory.
When the sunlight’s gone I leave the park. I decide to take the quickest route to my house which is directly in the middle of the rough part of town. Walking down the rugged and cracked sidewalk I glance at the broken buildings, the rundown cars, and the tough looking people everything.
As I walk around the corner I notice a man following me. He has a tough build, multiple tattoos on his face and he’s smiling. Talk about creepy. I decide to play it cool. I slow my pace down hoping he’ll walk past me and am on his merry way but unfortunately he doesn’t. I speed up my pace walking faster and faster then I start to run. There’s an alley up ahead maybe it will go across to the nice part of town so I can escape I think panicked I don’t want to die this way. Running into the alley I stop. There’s no way out. I turn to look back but the man’s upon me. He grabs my wrist forcing me to the ground. I fight back kicking, clawing and screaming but all that gets me is a slap on the face and hands on my neck preventing me from breathing. I fight getting weaker every moment.
My mind grasping for oxygen I say to myself I hope your happy now World because I’m finally giving up. After saying these words I attempt a last breath, and then I die.
It’s not so bad being dead sort of like an outta body experience (no pun intended). Just total and complete bliss. I’m floating above the alley way my mangled body lying in the middle. I find myself smiling and look up, momentarily stunned how can I be happy at a time like this? Two doors appear in front of me hazily and I am hesitant to enter until something in my mind tells me to proceed. As I approach, the doors open soundlessly and I see a room in the middle of the haze with two chairs solely in the middle; one being occupied by a grandfatherly looking old man.
"Ah, Katalina Lyn Vivaretti welcome",
he says his voice smiling. Grimacing because of the use of my full name I correct him.
"It’s Kat and how do you know who I am?"
" Little Kat," he says openly laughing at my grimace
"I know lots of things about you such as your dogs named pixie and you can’t stand romance novels, now do you want to sit down so we can discuss this?"
" Discuss what I say frowning."
" Why you death of coarse" he says in an exuberant voice, "Now sit down."
I walk over to the chair he’s not occupying and slowly lower myself into it.
''Now Kat since your death was forced you have two options. You can either return as something you weren’t or you can proceed back through the doors to wherever they take you, but first take some time to talk to this familiar young lady.'' I look over to where he gestures and I see someone slowly coming out of the corner.''
The familiar black hair, the familiar green eyes.
''Eve'', I yell and run towards her we meet half way and hug for what seems an eternity.
''It’s good to see you again'' she says in the mellow voice I remember, ''but I can’t stay long and neither can you. I wish you could just stay with me'' Eve says with a sigh
''but it’s not that simple. Now if you choose to return everything may be the same but it may be different only the dead person will know, but if you go through the door who knows what will happen.''
'' Why can I stay with you'' I say stubbornly my voice on the edge of despair,'' you were my sister in the screwed up world you were there for everything but now'' I say my eyes forming tears, ''I have no one?''
'' Dammit Kat'' she yells causing me to look at her,'' I want you to live, and I want you to be able to grow up, to get a job, to have a life. Do you know how much it pained me to see you get hurt, to watch you walk around each day with all hopes of living gone from your mind, watching you stumble through each day drowning in grief? All because I had so idiotically taken my life,'' she takes a breath with tears in her emerald green eyes,
''I didn’t mean to take my life I just wanted to scare my parents, but instead I took mine along with yours.''
'' Stop'', I say my voice ringing in my ears, ''you didn’t take my life the creep in the alley did and I don’t want to go back nothing there really matters I mean I say sarcastically I just have a mom who hates me because I’m not perfect and a ******** head shoved up his a** jock brother, what’s not to love?''
Seeing the look on her face I am quiet. ''So you want me to live huh'', I say in a dark tone. ''How will it be different if I go back?''
''It depends'' Eve states wiping the tears from her eyes ''I can’t tell you anymore because my times up'', with one last hug and a whisper of ''I know you’ll choose right'' she’s gone.
''Have you decided'' a voice asks drawing me from my oblivion. I look at the grandfatherly old man and wonder how long he’s been dead.
''Yes, I have decided'' I tell him uncertainly ''ill return.''
'' Good choice'' he says waving his hand in front of my face. My mind suddenly gets fuzzy and I feel myself falling, then I fade away.
''******** Kat breathe.'' The words are paired with a blow to my chest and warm lips blowing air into my lungs. Who the hell I think my mind still clouded. More blows to my chest, more air in my lungs the pain so sever I almost change my mind about wanting to return.
''Kat?'' I see Rose and Slades faces peering anchious down at me.
''Hey guys'' I say my voice raspy I thought you had left town.
''We did'', Rose says in a quiet voice ''but when we heard what Eve did we came back. We went to your house but your mom said you hadn’t come home yet. So we thought we would hit some of the place we used to hang out but we still couldn’t find you.''
'' We were thinking of calling the police if we hadn’t found you in an hour or so'' Slade says in an angry voice, ''but when we walked by this alley and saw you laying on the ground with some creep kissing your neck I lost it. I chased the creep till I caught him then I beat the crap outta him. He’s not going to touch another girl again for a long time'' Slade says his voice a firm confirmation.
''And by the looks of it you need a hospital.''
I look down at myself the cuts on my arms only minor, the gash on my head has stopped bleeding. ''I’m fine'' I tell them with mock confidence as I struggle to sit up ''I just need to sleep.'' When I am able to stand we slowly begin the walk to my overly expensive town house. I find myself leaning heavily on Slade wondering what’s different than before. What edzactialy did the old man and Eve mean?
I must have passed out because when I wake up I’m in my room with Rose sprawled out on the floor on my fuzzy black blanket.
I walk to the bathroom preparing myself for what I’m going to see because surely this will be worse than what happens at school only to find nothing! No bruises or scratches. No gash on my head. And no pain. I stare at myself in the mirror puzzled at what happened only to shrug my shoulders wearily. Stepping into the shower I let the water burn me until it runs cold and turns into icy darts on my back.
Returning to my room a couple hours later Rose is still asleep so I pick up my sketchbook planning to draw, when my mother comes into my room completely unannounced.
''You didn’t tell me you were having company ''she says stiffly staring at Roses unmoving form. ''There is a matter at hand which we need to discuss, so I expect you in the living room in 5 minutes.''
Pushing my door open she calls over her shoulder and ''you better be deemed presentable by my standards.'' The door closes and I hear her walking rather loudly to the living room.
''Well, my mother hasn’t changed that’s for sure;; I say to myself my voice laced with disgust. ;;What will I wear today?;; Opening my closet doors I stare at my scantily clad collection of clothes most of which most are deemed unpresentable.
So I play it safe and settle on a long sleeved blue t-shirt, blue jeans, and my high tops. Very different from my usual appearance. Yanking my unbrushed hair into a pony tail I walk to the living room, brush the bangs out of my face, sit down, and then prepare for the extremely boring wrath of my mother.
''Your school called yesterday'' she says her voice sharp, ''care to elaborate.''
'' I don’t say anything'' which only makes her temper rise. Ignoring what’s probably the same lecture I’ve already heard a million times I imagine her turning red, smoke spouting out of her ears, setting off the alarms. Only to have my dad come in and dump a bucket of water on her head. Her mouth forms and “O” then she melts like a Popsicle on a sidewalk in the dead of summer. A laugh escapes me before I can stop it echoing in the small room.
''So you think this is funny'' she says the anger clearly showing on her face. ''Why you can’t be like your brother he never does any of this skipping classes and failing grades. And he attempts to at least act human; all you do is dress like you’re in some witch coven and fail even the most basic classes.''
Being compared to my brother really pisses me off so I reply calmly causing my mother to stare.
'' Did you know that He’s screwed most of the female population that goes to our school? That he threatens to beat the crap out of a certain group of people if they don’t do his homework.'' I stop talking.
Something smells wonderful better than anything I’ve ever smelled before. Better than a triple chocolate cappuccino from starlight, better than strawberries that are half rotted. ''Can you smell that I ask my mouth watering hungrily.''
'' Do you mean my perfume' she asks puzzled ''im glad your starting to act like a respectable young woman but this is hardly the time.
'' I ignore the lecture henceforth only focusing on the scent that’s about to drive me insane. ''Im glad you’ve decided to see things my way'' my mom says getting up. ''No more skipping classes and we’ll see what your reward is.''
When my mom leaves the room the scent is gone but the ache is still there. I ignore it walking back to my room I’ve got some junk food somewhere that’ll be better than the tofu crap my mom buys. Walking into my room Rose is awake and sitting on the floor lacing up her boots.
''Your mom being a b***h again'' she asks bemused,'' my mom used to be till I left her with that loser of a boyfriend.''
She shudders I notice after she says this but I pretend not to see and start looking for my junk food stash. Digging through my old sketch books, erasers, and half used pencils I begin to get frustrated at my unfruitful attempt.
''Where is it dammit'' I say hitting my hand on the bookshelf. After letting out a few choice cuss words im about to ask Rose if she’s seen my stash when the scents there again. I sniff the room and it appears to be coming from Rose. I walk towards Rose only one goal on my mind. Getting closer and closer to Rose the scent becomes almost intoxicating. When I approach Rose she looks at me warily and backs up to the wall.
'' Kat'' she says her voice anxious and a bit panicked ''what’s happening to you.''
Laughing at her mere panic I reach up and gently move her gleaming red and black hair from her neck. Her throat looks so tantalizing good enough to bite so that’s what I do. Biting down her flesh crumbles easily as if biting into sour cream. I am struck with the wonderful taste like melting chocolate running down my throat.
After the ache in my stomach subdues I let go of Roses neck and notice the two canine teeth protruding down out of my gum's.
''Well that’s a change'' I say to myself amazed and scared at what I had just done. Looking at Rose she’s staring at me intently a mixture of anger and excitement on her pale face.
'' When the ******** were you going to tell me that you were a vampire'' she yells her eyes excited. ''I mean I always wanted to meat one now I find out my friends one holy s**t this is awesome.''
'' Im not a vampire'' I say stunned ''I mean I just had garlic bread last week and last night I watched the sunset if im a vampire how’s that possible.''
I look back on last night. ''Oh s**t'' I say aloud ''im so ******** screwed.'' Just before he choked me the creep whispered some words into my ear. I take a breath and Rose almost jumping up and down with excitement whispers well what were they. Letting out my breath I look at her straight in the eye and tell her.
''Welcome to the realm of the undead, pichachu I choose you.''
looking back I didn’t care about what he said I was more focused on getting away from him. But now it seems ironic that I might have to find him and be civil. ''Rose
'' I say sitting down unnaturally fast lets find out if im truly a vampire before we go making conclusions.
''Okay'' she says eyes bright let me get my purse. Her purse is a small messenger bag barely big enough to fit a paper back book and a pack of gum but yet she can fit almost anything into it. I once asked her where she got it her voice went mysterious and she replied very solemn from a friend that conversation ended quick. I look over and she’s pulling out a small case no bigger than a notebook, but thick as a shoebox.
''I stare at her amazed how’d you fit that in there'' I ask. She just shrugs her shoulders a weird smile on her face ''okay now lets see if you’re a vampire'' she says firmly.
''Why’d I agree to this'' I say 10 minutes later sitting in a chair borrowed from the kitchen in the middle of my room. ''Because you love me and because you want to find out if you’re a bloodsucking fiend'' she says laughing at my nervousness. I hear her as she opens the case on my bed her back to me. I stare at her wondering what she’s doing. After she tinkers around with the contents for a minute she turns around and begins speaking. ''Now im going to test some of the things ive read about with what I have here but we’ll have to go somewhere to test the rest of the myths.'' She reaches for something she’s layed on the bed. ''This is a silver crucifix'' she says nervously. ''Some vampires cant stand silver or crucifixes so I figured that this will prove or disprove two of them.'' I am sitting in the chair still and silent hoping im not going to go crazy over the crucifix other wise how am I going to talk myself out of church ever week. As she walks towards me I close my eyes and wait for her to touch my neck with the cross. Will I burn? Will I go crazy? These questions run through my head until the crucifix is gently placed on my neck. She lays it down then jumps back to stare at me. I feel the cross on my neck but I only feel its coldness. Im not going crazy or burning that’s a plus. I open my eyes and take the cross of my neck.'' Other than the fact the coldness of the metal is irritating im fine.''
'' Okay then ''she says to herself ''now the garlic.'' I take the garlic from her fingers. I sniff it and rub it on my arm. Nothing happen after that so I take a bite. It tastes like cardboard. I chew it meticulously giving myself every chance to react to it then swallow. ''Other than the fact that it tastes like crap im fine no problem at all.''
After that I spend the day outside and in my room testing all the myths Rose comes up with. Nothings effected me so far but Rose says we’ll have to wait and see. I think she’s talking about the whole sleeping in a coffin thing but I don’t ask.
Im laying on my bed wondering if Eve knew this was going to happen to me she said she didn’t know but she could have been lying. Rose has been gone awhile I say to myself looking at my Goodbye kitty clock. Its around nine she said shed be back by seven. Maybe her and Slade got held up or something. Slades been her boyfriend for about five years I think enviously. I always wanted a boyfriend but instead I get attacked by a delusional psychopath and I get murdered instead of loved by one. Laying back I try to think of my perfect boyfriend but sleep overwhelms me and I fall into a dreamless sleep.
Im awakened by the sound of four days grace coming from Roses cell phone. ''What the Crap'' I say rubbing the sleep out of my bleary eyes. I pick up the phone and answer with a corse ''hello.''
''Ah, Katalina just where Rose said you’d be.''
'' Who the hell are you'' I say my voice anxious. ''You don’t remember me picachew.''
The word sends flashes of the night before through my head. ''You'' I say almost dropping the phone my voice a whisper. ''How the ******** did you get this number and how the Hell do you know Rose.''
'' Do you truly want to know pica'' he says his voice gleeful. ''My names Kat'' I say irritated, ''now tell me dammit.''
'' Well dear Kat after I was only able to turn you halfway and dear Slade assumed I was half dead I followed you home. I watched as Slade and Rose carefully carried your sleeping body in the house lying through there teeth to your mom. I watched them carefully lay you on your bed then talk among themselves for a few minutes then kiss. I watched as Slade left as quiet as he had come.'' He paused then continued on.'' I followed dear Slade to his apartment ever so quietly and listened as he fell asleep on the couch. I then picked the lock and went inside and awoke him abruptly. He stared at me shocked his shock quickly turning to rage. he proceeded to attack me but I came prepared. I pulled out my knife and plunged it into his heart. After making sure that the life was gone from him I had a little snack. And by the way I want to congratulate you. you did a fine job about keeping your head today, most young vampires even half ones hardly ever are able to keep that level of humanity.''
'' So Im a half-vampire'' I say stunned by his words,
''yes dear you are he says laughing at me. Now you were probably the best meal ive had in years and your blood is simply calling to me so I want to finish what I started and make you a full queen of the night. My request is simple come to where I ask no questions asked and let me make you full vampire, if you do this I will not hurt your little friend, but if you deviate from my instructions even the slightest bit ill have some fun with your little friend and you’ll never see her alive again. Ah she’s crying now.''
I listen in the back ground as he says gently ''don’t cry im sure shell do what I ask but in the mean time I might just have a little snack.''
'' no don’t hurt her'' I yell into the phone tears streaming down my face'' ill do as you ask and become a full vampire.''
'' Good'' he says his voice triumphant ''now meet me in the park at midnight at the third bench down from your regular spot ill be waiting.''
The phone goes silent and I openly weep. For Rose, for Eve, for Slade, and for myself.
Who knows what ill become like when I let that b*****d change me.
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