• They’re gonna put me in the movies,
    They’re gonna make a big star out of me.
    We’ll make a film about a man that’s sad and lonely,
    And all I gotta do is act naturally.


    Sundays were always the worst for Michael. He would mope around the house, maybe do a little cleaning, wash the dog, or perhaps vegetate in front of the television while some sportsman idiot hauled fish out of a river. By about five in the afternoon, he had eaten all the leftover pizza from the night before, drunk all the coffee he could usefully drink for the day, and watched all the television he could stomach. He would take a shower and go to bed, not looking forward to yet another week of uneventful pencil-pushing at work.

    He was a far cry from the guy he was in high school. Those were his glory days. He was captain of the football team, captain of the wrestling team, worked on the school newspaper, and always had someone to hang out with after school. Despite impeccable grades and promises of football scholarships from numerous highly-ranked colleges, Michael stayed home after graduation and worked with his father at the Toyota dealership downtown.

    Convinced that the Yugo was the way of the future, Michael’s father sold his Toyota dealership and opened a small Yugo dealership across town. He sold three cars then went under. His father, in financial ruin, killed himself in a drunken stupor, leaving his only son with a mountain of debts to be paid and no hope of ever going to school.

    His mother died two years later of cancer. She had been living in Florida since Michael was fifteen, and the first knowledge he had of her illness was when his stepsister called to tell him she had died. He didn’t attend the funeral, although he was massively stricken with grief. He simply could not leave his job for two days to go and bury his mother. When he finally got some time off a year later, he went to visit the grave, but couldn’t muster a single emotion. All he ever felt was loneliness.

    Michael worked in a six-by-six cubicle with a computer terminal, a phone, and a pile of paperwork that never seemed to get any smaller. His job was data entry for a large cable television programmer. In the grand scheme of the company, he was a very tiny cog in an infinitely huge machine. He worked eight hours a day, often not breaking for lunch, posting payments to accounts and sorting through mail. When he went home at six, he would feed his dog and eat a light dinner before collapsing into bed. He woke up at seven every morning to start the cycle over again.

    On weekends, he did his grocery shopping, washed his car, and sometimes had a Saturday night poker game with his only friend Jason. The poker game was usually a once-a-month deal that lasted only about two hours. Sometimes they would rent a movie to watch while they played, and they always split a pizza. Thick crust with ham and mushrooms. Never any variation.

    Every once in a while, Michael would get dressed in his best clothes, slap on some cologne, and go out to the nearest club. He would ask a few girls to dance, but usually they turned him down. A few would take him up on it, then make up a polite excuse and leave. Sometimes he would get particularly lucky and have a really good time with a girl, only to find his wallet missing by the end of the evening. He always went home to his one-room apartment alone.

    Sometimes, when he got really lonely, he would try to phone up some of his old high school buddies. Those that were not still in college were either in the military or married, and had no time for Michael. Once he had managed to catch an old girlfriend at home, and they talked for three hours. They agreed to meet the next night up at the mall, but she never showed up. Michael waited until they closed, but she was nowhere to be found. He went home to call her and her phone number had been changed to a nonpublished number. That was the last time he had try to date. It was three years ago.

    He never understood why women didn’t like him. He was attractive; six feet tall and well-built. He had slimmed down considerably since his football days, but he knew he could still tackle the best of them. His hair was short and black, his eyes light green. In his high school yearbook, he was voted “most likely to break the girls’ hearts.” Years of standing around in car lots had made his skin tanned, and his teeth were straight and white. He had a great sense of humor, and was totally devoted to those few girls he had dated in his life. He really could not fathom why there wasn’t at least one girl out there who would like him.

    So he spent his days and nights alone. He read a lot of books, all the while listening to the Beatles on his headphones. His phone never rang, unless it was his boss calling him in to cover for someone. He corresponded with no one except the lawyers who were helping him with his father’s estate.

    Occasionally, he would sit up in bed at night and envision his perfect woman. His dream girl would be shorter than him, with delicate hands and a whimsical, crooked smile. She would have lightly colored hair, never blonde, and dark brown eyes. Sometimes he would fall asleep thinking about her, and have wonderful dreams that they had a happy life together. Then he would wake up to his reality and feel even more lonely than ever.

    *


    Two blocks away, Mary lived in a modest split-level house that she had inherited from her grandmother. She, too, was hopelessly lonely and got greatly depressed on Sundays as well. She spent them either in the swing on her front porch reading, or curled up on the sofa in front of the fire reading. She spent her weekdays at the local community college working towards a nursing degree, and her Saturdays visiting her grandfather in the nursing home.

    Like Michael, she had been popular in high school. She was homecoming queen, president of the Junior Beta Club, and captain of the volleyball team. She divided her time between her many friends, and spent very little time at home. She never felt lonely until after she graduated.

    She had passed up a scholarship for a prestigious ivy league school so she could stay at home and care for her younger sister Rhonda. Rhonda had been stricken with spinal meningitis as a child, and had become an invalid by the age of twelve. Mary’s mother had to work almost constantly so she could afford to pay Rhonda’s ever-increasing hospital bills, and when Mary graduated, she went right to work waiting tables at Denny’s. Her tips and most of her salary went to her mother, to help pay for Rhonda’s bills.

    Her father had died when Mary was still a baby. He had been killed by friendly fire in the Nguyen Hue Offensive. All she really knew was that she had been deprived of a father, and had only vague memories of him and her mother’s stories.

    Four years after graduation, Rhonda died. Although Mary and her mother mourned her passing, they both also heaved a sigh of relief. Mary quit her job and started going to school. She moved into her grandmother’s house a year later, and found she had to go back to work part time to pay her electric, water, and gas bills.

    The time Mary didn’t spend at school or work during the week, she spent studying. She liked to listen to the Beatles while she studied, and found it helped her relax. The work was hard, but she was very intelligent, and managed to make straight A’s. But she felt isolated.

    She had only one friend, Brenda, who had gone to high school with her and gotten married right after graduation. They spent very little time together, because Brenda had a son she had to look after, and didn’t have much time between that and work. They did manage to get together once a week and have lunch, but it was usually at some fast-food restaurant and was invariably rushed. Brenda always had somewhere to go or someone to meet.

    During breaks between quarters, Mary would sometimes go out to the local clubs and try to have a good time. Many men approached her, but most of them were either goofy, obnoxious, or just looking for sex. Once in a while, she would meet one that was particularly handsome and charming, but he would always end up married or engaged. Usually, that would not stop them from hitting on her, but Mary didn’t want to start anything with anyone she knew she could never trust.

    So she spent most of her days and nights alone. She never knew why all she attracted were the most lecherous men. She couldn’t understand why other men didn’t find her attractive. She was small, about five and a half feet tall, had long light brown hair and a fair complexion. Her eyes were dark brown, and seemed alive with intelligence. She always looked sad, though, which was understandable, because most of the time, she was very sad.

    Mary had given up on finding a man two years ago. The few she met never seemed to stand up to the man of her dreams. Her dream guy was tall with dark hair and pale green eyes. He had a powerful chest and strong arms which could hold back an ocean to keep her feet from getting wet. Some nights she would stay up and envision him, and fall asleep dreaming about him, then wake up more depressed than before, as lonely as ever.

    *


    Neither Michael nor Mary knew of the other’s existence, yet they were each what the other was looking for and were so very close to each other. It was as if the two were made for each other, as if God or Fate or Destiny or whatever it was that powered the universe had created the one just to be there for the other. And, although Michael and Mary didn’t know it, there paths were destined to cross very soon.

    *


    Jason dealt another hand, and noticed that Michael’s brow was a little more furrowed than usual. He sat back, popped open a beer, and asked, “What is bothering you, Mike? You look even more depressed than you usually do tonight.”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” replied Michael. “I’ve just been thinking, you know? How long has it been since any woman has given me the time of day?”

    “By my count, it has been almost four years,” said Jason. “You went out with that coke addict for about a week before you realized she had been using your ATM card, right? I’ll never understand why you didn’t have her arrested.”

    Michael shifted uneasily in his chair. “Well,” he said, “I always felt a little responsible for her condition, you know? I could have done something to help her, but I just ignored it. I suppose I was just so desperate for company, I didn’t mind that she had her quirks.”

    “Quirks? Mike, she smoked up three-thousand of your hard-earned dollars. I would say that’s a bit more than a quirk. Sure, she was a looker, but you should have had her locked up. They might have been able to help her with her addiction in jail. Whatever became of her, anyway?”

    “Last I heard, she went to live with her sister in Colorado. She’s either clean and sober and going on with her life, or she overdosed pn crack and died of heart failure or something. I didn’t really like her all that much anyway. She wasn’t...”

    “Please, Mike,” cut in Jason. “If I have to hear you describe your ‘dream woman’ one more time, I’m going to get sick. You know she is out there somewhere. You just have to look a little harder. You’re one of my best friends, you know. I don’t want to see you alone anymore. Why don’t you go out with my sister?”

    “The stripper?” asked Michael. “You must be joking. No offense or anything, but your sister isn’t exactly June Cleaver. I want to find somebody a bit more tame.”

    Jason grinned. “I hear the things she does drives men wild. I never met a boyfriend of hers that wasn’t completely satisfied, if you know what I mean.” He winked as he shuffled the cards for the next hand.

    Michael sighed. “All you think about is sex, Jason. You know, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want any of that, but I am looking for more. I want someone I can spend my whole life with. Someone who makes me feel so comfortable that I could tell her anything. There is more to life than ‘knocking boots,’ you know.”

    “I hear you, Mike,” replied Jason. “Don’t think for a second that I don’t want that, too. Some day. But we’re still young. We should be out there getting as much tail as possible. Pretty soon, we’ll be forty and fat and bald, wishing that any woman would look our way. We should take advantage of our youth. Why don’t you and I go out to the club Wednesday night? I guarantee that you will walk away from there a happy man.”

    “I don’t know,” said Michael. A feeling of apprehension was creeping over him. He never completely trusted Jason. “I’ll have to get up early Thursday morning for work. I don’t think I should be staying out till all hours.”

    Jason rolled his eyes. “Man, you have got to live a little. You bend over backwards for those tightwads at the cable company. So go in late one morning. You have sick time, use it! I won’t hear any more arguments. I’ll be here at seven o’clock to pick you up. If you aren’t in your best clubbing clothes, I will personally kick your a** from here to China.”

    “I don’t know...”

    “So it is settled,” said Jason. “Now, I’ve got to run. I have a date tonight with that cute chick from accounting. I will see you again on Wednesday night, right?”

    “Well,” said Michael. He was still a little wary of Jason. But it had been a while since he had done anything fun. At least this would give him a chance to try and meet someone, even though he felt for sure his chances at true love were almost completely shot. “Okay, Jason. Whatever you say.”

    “You won’t regret it, homey!” said Jason. He slipped into his jacket and walked out, leaving Michael alone in the apartment once again. Michael put the cards away, folded up the card table, and went to bed.

    *


    Monday at noon, Mary waited patiently at a table at Big Cahuna’s for Brenda. They had agreed to meet there at a quarter to twelve, and Brenda was running late as usual. She finally showed up, rushing into the restaurant out of breath.

    “Sorry I’m late, Mary,” said Brenda. “I was dropping Ben off at day care. We have to make this quick, I’ve got a hair appointment at twelve-thirty.”

    They ordered their food and sat back at the table. Mary watched as Brenda inhaled a bacon double-cheeseburger, then sat back to have a smoke. Mary quietly nibbled at her own chicken sandwich and pushed it away half-eaten.

    “So what is wrong with you?” asked Brenda. “Did you flub that math test or what?”

    “No, it’s not that,” replied Mary.

    “Well, spit it out, sweety. I only have about ten minutes. What is bothering you?”

    Mary paused. Brenda meant well, but was a little rough around the edges. She was a lot like Mary’s mother in that respect. Her mother always called her “Morose Mary” when she was feeling depressed. She half expected Brenda to do the same. “I’ve just been lonely,” she said. “I mean, do you know how long it has been since I had a steady boyfriend?”

    “Two years by my count,” replied Brenda. “There was that one-week whirlwind relationship you had with Doug What’s-his-name that turned out to be not only married but a bigamist as well. Why are you thinking about that, anyway? Getting a little antsy?”

    “Jesus, Brenda, not everything is about sex, you know. I have just been feeling a little lonely lately, you know? I wish I had somebody to spend my free time with.”

    “What am I? What are we doing right now?”

    “Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Mary said. She was beginning to blush. “You’re just always so busy. Between Ben and your husband and work and everything, you really don’t have time for me. Besides that, I’m looking for something more. Somebody I can spend all my days and nights with. Somebody I can tell everything to. You know what I mean, you have a husband.”

    “That b*****d?” said Brenda. “You don’t want that, honey. Trust me. You are so much better off single. You can do whatever you want whenever you want. Don’t get me wrong. I really love him, and Ben too. More than words can describe. I just wish that sometimes I could leave town for a few days, not worry about things. I envy you in many ways.”

    Mary sighed and ate a French fry. “I don’t see it as being tied down, Brenda. I am just so lonely most of the time. Ever since Rhonda died, I haven’t really had anyone to talk to. You can’t slow down long enough to really talk to me, and mom doesn’t want to hear it.”

    “Mary, before you can plan a life with some guy, you have to go out and find him. When is the last time you went to the club? When is the last time you prettied yourself up and gave it the old college try?”

    “I don’t know,” replied Mary. “I could never go to a place like that alone. Besides, I have had bad experiences with men there. That’s where I met Doug, after all.”

    “Look,” said Brenda. “I’m off Wednesday night. I’ll send Ben to his grandmother’s house. That idiot husband of mine will be dead in front of the television by five o’clock. You and I can go out to the club and see if there is anyone out there worth having. Okay? Okay!”

    Before Mary could argue, Brenda was already three steps toward the door. “Just wear your sexiest clothes and I will pick you up at nine, okay?” said Brenda. “I’d like to see if there are any other fish in the sea myself.”

    And then Mary found herself alone again. She sat at the table and finished her sandwich before quietly getting up and leaving. She was worried that Brenda was about to get her into trouble, but she had been alone for far too long to care. She wasn’t about to give up any chance that her dream guy might be at the club that night.

    *


    Michael straightened his tie and slipped into his jacket. He checked his hair one more time in the bathroom mirror, then sniffed his armpits to make sure he hadn’t forgotten to use deodorant. He checked his teeth to make sure they looked all right, and patted his pockets to make sure he had his wallet and his keys.

    It was Tuesday night, and he had decided to go to the club himself. He knew that Jason meant well, but he was pretty sure that his friend did most of his thinking with the wrong head. He wanted to meet his dream girl, and he wasn’t about to let Jason’s obnoxious ways come between himself and destiny.

    He got to the club just after eight, and took a seat at the bar. He bought a beer, and leaned back to survey the room. There weren’t a lot of prospects. He saw one or two girls that he thought were cute, but they were not alone. There was one girl sitting in a booth by herself drinking a cola that he thought was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, and she appeared to be alone.

    Downing the last of his beer for courage, Michael got up from the bar and walked towards the girl. She saw him coming, and an intrigued look broke across her face. Michael was just about to open his mouth to speak when another man, a thin greasy-haired guy, slipped into the booth across from the girl, and said. “Hey, baby, did you miss me?”

    The man held her hands in his, and she smiled at him, then looked up at Michael. Michael made a quick turn and headed for the bathroom, acting as if that had been his destination all along. He stayed in there for five minutes, just staring blankly at himself in the mirror, before he had the courage to leave.

    The girl and her boyfriend were no longer in the booth, and he couldn’t see them anywhere in the club. With a feeling of despair, Michael went back to the bar and got another beer. Her drank it slowly, staring down into the bottle thinking about his sad and lonely life. He looked up and saw the girl again, reflected in the mirror behind the bar. She was walking towards him.

    He slowly turned around in the stool so he wouldn’t appear too anxious, but it wasn’t his dream girl who he saw, but another familiar face. She was tall, had thick red hair, and a toothy grin. “Hey, sweetheart,” she said. “You wanna go home and play with Mr. Happy?”

    Michael smiled, but was stunned. “Cheryl?” he said. “I thought you were in Colorado.”

    “I was, baby,” replied Cheryl. “Now I’m back and I want to spend a little time with you.”

    “Spend time with me or spend my money? You still owe me three thousand dollars, you know. I could use that money to help pay off my dad’s debts.”

    “Come on, baby. I love you. I’m all cleaned up now, and I want to be with you. Can’t we just go someplace and get naked?”

    Michael gulped down the last of his beer. “You must think I am pretty stupid, Cheryl. You’re high right now,” he said. “Your eyes are bloodshot, and you have track marks up and down your arms. And look at your damn teeth. Your a walking poster child for crack and heroin. Just go home, please, and get some help.”

    Cheryl slapped him and stormed away. Michael looked around the room, but his dream girl was gone. He cursed himself and cursed Cheryl. He slipped the bartender a five and left the club.

    *


    Early Tuesday night, Mary decided she wanted to go to the club alone after all. She didn’t completely trust Brenda, and didn’t want anything to come between her and the man of her dreams. She slipped into a loose black blouse and her best-looking miniskirt and went out to Midnight Blues.

    There weren’t a lot of men around that night who weren’t already with someone else. She thought that maybe Tuesday night wasn’t the best time to go out and find eligible bachelors. She got a Coke from the bar and went over to a booth to sit by herself and scope the place out.

    This club was one of the more tame places in Macon, meaning there were very few freaks out during the weeknights. Still, it did have it’s share of strange people. There was one guy over at the bar that she found to be enormously attractive. He kept giving her sideways glances, and she could swear he blushed every time she caught him peeking at her.

    Finally, just as she was about to give up on the guy, he began to walk over towards her. Her heart raced, because the closer he got, the more she realized that this was the guy she had been dreaming about. He had just gotten within speaking range when another man darted in front of him and sat across from her in the booth.

    “Hey, baby, did you miss me?” said the new man, a skinny guy with greasy hair and a thick mustache. She smiled at him and he put her hands in his. The dream guy quickly made his way towards the bathroom.

    “Doug,” said Mary, “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”

    “I’ve been looking for you, honey,” said Doug. “I wanted to give you the good news personally. I got a divorce from my first wife, and had my second marriage annulled. Why don’t you and I go someplace quiet and celebrate?”

    Mary pulled her hands away and glared at Doug. “You must think I am pretty stupid, Doug. There is no way in hell I would ever have anything to do with you again. How do I know you don’t have three or four more wives?”

    “Aw, baby...” began Doug.

    “Don’t you ‘baby’ me!” said Mary. She slapped Doug and got up. He followed her but she dove into the bathroom and hid from him there for about ten minutes. When she finally poked her head out, Doug was gone and dream guy was back at the bar.

    She told herself it was now or never. She checked herself in the bathroom mirror one more time, then walked over to her dream guy. She caught his eye in the mirror behind the bar, and he began to turn around.

    Another woman with flashy red hair and an hourglass figure stepped in front of Mary, and said to dream guy, “Hey, sweetheart, you wanna go home and play with Mr. Happy?”

    Mary’s dream guy smiled at the redhead, and Mary quickly turned away and walked out the front door. She couldn’t believe that she had let herself think for one second that a guy that good looking would not be attached. She got in her car and drove home, thinking about her dream guy the whole way.

    *


    “You’re going like that?” asked Jason, when Michael opened the door to him the next night.

    Michael was in his robe and pajamas. Jason’s persistent knocking had gotten him up out of bed. He had forgotten his plans with Jason, and had been nursing the mother of all hangovers all day. “Oh, hey,” he said to his friend. “Look, I’m really not up to this tonight.”

    “You made plans with me, Mike,” said Jason. “Don’t back out on me or I’ll kick your a**. Now get dressed and let’s go!”

    Sighing, Michael went to his bedroom to change. He had agreed to go, after all, and there was no reason why Jason’s night should be shot because of him. He threw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. He slipped on his jacket and walked out.

    “Okay, the James Dean look,” said Jason. “If you think that’ll work. Let’s get moving.”

    *


    Two blocks away, Brenda and Mary stood on Mary’s front porch. Brenda’s car waited on the street, still running. Mary had a pained expression on her face and Brenda looked extremely mad.

    “What do you mean, ‘you changed your mind’?” said Brenda angrily. “Look, I busted my hump to get here on time, and had a major fight with that d*ckhead husband of mine when he found out where I was going.”

    “I just don’t think I’m up to it,” replied Mary. “I thought I was ready for this, but now I don’t know.”

    “Look, you are never going to meet your ‘dream guy’ sitting on your a** at home listening to that outdated Beatles crap. Now get your a** dressed and let’s go before I blow a major fuse.”

    Mary went to her bedroom to get dressed. She had, after all, agreed to go along with Brenda tonight. There was no reason why she should bring her friend down just because of one bad experience. For all she knew, Doug wouldn’t be there again. Besides that, she felt bad that she had never even said hello to the dream guy.

    She slipped into a T-shirt and a pair of jeans, and met Brenda outside. “Well, if that’s what you want to wear, then fine,” said Brenda. “Just don’t be surprised when the men don’t flock to you. Let’s get moving.”

    *


    Midnight Blues was bustling that night, full of happy dancing people. It seemed as if everyone in town was out tonight, enjoying themselves and making Michael feel generally miserable. When he and Jason walked in, about a dozen women waved at his friend, and he went off to talk to some of them.

    Michael got a Coke and went over to sit in a booth, the same both his dream girl had sat in the night before. He felt comfortable there, as if her essence lingered there somehow. He watched the people dance and laugh, and he cringed every time a woman walked past him without so much as a look.

    After a miserable thirty minutes, Jason approached him and sat across from him. He had a young blonde with him, and she kept whispering in his ear. “No luck?” he asked.

    “Not really,” said Michael. “I told you I really wasn’t in to this, you know.”

    “Well, listen,” said Jason, “me and Delia here are going to split. You want a ride home or you wanna get a cab?” It was obvious to Michael that Jason wanted him to take the latter option.

    “No, you go ahead,” replied Michael. “I’ll get a cab. You two have fun.”

    They left, and Michael finished his Coke. He took one last look around, then went out to the street to hail a taxi.

    *


    Mary was feeling just as neglected and miserable. Many men walked past her position at the bar, but none of them seemed too interested. Brenda had disappeared as soon as they walked in, and finally presented herself. With her was Doug.

    “Hey, look who I found,” said Brenda, smiling.

    Mary took a swallow of beer, and said, “Hello Doug.”

    “Hey, Mary. You never told me your friend Brenda was so fine,” said Doug with a smile. Brenda was turning red with embarrassment. “So, she and I are gonna split. She said we should come check with you first, though.”

    Frowning at her friend’s choice, Mary replied, “You guys go on. Just be careful, Brenda. I’ll catch a cab home.”

    “Thanks,” said Brenda. “Listen, I will call you tomorrow, okay?”

    They took their leave and Mary finished her beer. She went out to the street to hail a taxi.

    It seemed that there was no one on the street that night. A few people were standing on the curb waiting for a cab, but they were few and far between. Finally one pulled up alongside the curb, and both Michael and Mary went for it at the same time.

    Their hands met at the door handle. They looked up to see each other. Michael broke into a wide smile and Mary gave him a crooked grin. They stepped back and just stood in the moonlight, looking at each other.

    “Hi,” said Michael.

    “Hi,” said Mary.

    “Look, I was going to get this cab and...” Michael trailed off. Mary had the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

    “Yes?” prompted Mary. Her heart was pounding again. She couldn’t believe how handsome Michael was this close. The whole world dropped away and it was just the two of them.

    “Would you like to share a cab?” asked Michael.

    “Sure,” she replied. “My name is Mary.”

    “I’m Michael,” he said. He opened the door for her and they climbed in. They sat in the back seat next to each other, neither one able to look away from the other’s eyes.

    “Where to?” asked the cab driver.

    Michael broke the gaze and looked up at the driver. He was watching them through the mirror mounted on the windshield. “Just drive,” said Michael. “We’ll know when we get there.”