• Three years have managed to pass since that horrible court date and yet I still remember it like it happened yesterday. The voices in my head still ring loud and clear and my one voice still attempts to fight back. Life is getting harder and harder as those voices are getting harder and harder to control; I swear one day I'm going to give into what everyone here tells me: That I am the murderer of Alexander White. I'm not, at least that's what I've been telling myself for years. No! I can't give into what they say, it's not true. I didn't murder him. I didn't!
    What Alex's dad told me still allows me to hold onto the little bit of sanity I now possess. 'You're innocent and no matter what the jury believes you did or did not do, you have to hold onto that fact. You are /INNOCENT/; Never forget that.' It's so hard to believe that when everyone everywhere is telling me that I killed Alexander White. My head constantly spins with racing thoughts and they are normally against me and everything I know to be the truth.
    "Gah!" I excaim as the voices in my head begin to grow louder and louder. "Shut the hell up!" Just then my doctor, Lori, (or really therapists) walks in. "Danniel, you must get over what happened. You killed him and now you must suffer the consequenses of what you have done. Yes, your crime was great but once you come to the realization that you killed him you will be let out and can live a normal life. Maybe even get married and have a few kids. Just admit what you did." she says calmly. Too calmly in my opinion. "I. Did. Not. Kill. Him." I say infuriated and through clenched teeth. "Danniel." The doctors voice is now exhasperated.
    I give her a smirk and laugh like a true insane person even though I have not yet reached that point. It works, the doctor steps back a few steps. I continue with what I intended to do just to give her a show. "Just because you people can be fed lies doesn't mean I can't hold onto the truth. I didn't kill my best friend now leave me alone!" I sound like a little kid trying to convince an adult that I didn't do something. "Go away! Just go and leave the suposed insane boy alone. After all this is only your job. You don't go around caring about me after you clock out so what does it matter. The only help you can give me is that fed by lies, so go!" I yell. "Danny-" "Don't call me that." I snap. She blows her bangs out of her face and sighs. "Danniel, that's not true, you know I care about you and want you to get better." "Bull." I mutter. "Look, do you honestly think I would stick around for three years if I didn't care about you? I'm going to be here until you get your mind straightened out! Now stop giving me this kind of crap and let me help you. I'm a doctor, I know what I'm doing."
    I begin to calm down a bit and talk to her calmly like the adults we both are. "I didn't kill him and all you're doing is feeding the voices in my head. Please, go away. I don't need your kind of help, I need to get out of this place and have my record cleared. I'm not crazy. I didn't kill Alex; he's my best friend; I would never hurt him even if my own life were being threatened to do so." I can feel the tears coming again but I hold them at bay and hear what Lori has to say. "Danniel, the evidence is against you. Your DNA was found all over the place. You need to face the truth: you killed Alex. Please, I can't clear you until you finally understand what you did." "That's it!" I shout. "What's it?" "You can clear me, all you have to do is sign that little papaer that says I'm better. That's all you have to do and you'll be setting an innocent man free from this horrid place. Lori, please sign that paper." I beg. "Danny," she begins and I ignore the fact that I don't let anyone call me that anymore. This could be my chance to go back to a normal life, my chance for freedom! I listen intently to what she says next. "You know as well as I do that I want to sign that I want that paper signed but I can't do it. I just can't." She's crying now and I let the tears leek out from eyes as well. "Please. Please. Please do it. I didn't kill him. I didn't!" I sob.
    Lori walks out the door without so much as a look my way but she is still crying. When she closes the door she says "We'll try again tomorrow."
    I am once again left in my so called room. All it is is a small seven foot by seven foot white room, without any windows. Everything is white; the walls, the floor, everything. Even the clothes I wear are white pants and a white T-shirt. So colorless, so very colorless.
    I draw my knees up to my chest and I cry into them while rocking back and forth like an autistic man. Everything is wrong. Alex should be alive. We should be studying late into the night while making jokes about our teachers.
    Is the world so cruel that an innocent man is sentenced for a crime he did not commit?

    I creep out of the confines of my room, walk down the hallway and go to the area where the autistic and mentally unstable children play. Their play room is empty, which is exactly what I wanted. I go to a cabnet where some play things such as toy cars, dolls, crayons, coloring books and paint are kept. I open it and grab the crayons and paints and run back to my room with my new found treasures.

    Lori walks in, a smile on her face, until she sees my beautifully decorated room. Her faces falls and her voice takes on a harsh tone, similar to that of a parent whose child just made a mess. "Danniel Mayson, what have you done?" I look up at her, my eyes wide with fear of her anger. "Danniel." she says more softly this time. "Yes, Ms. Lori?" I whipser. "What did you do?" she asks again. "I made my room pretty. Don't you just love it?" I say, turning around and looking at my wall. I had scribbled on the wall with crayons and squirted the paints everywhere. Color was everywhere now. I even accidentally spilled paint on myself; it wasn't bad and it made me feel better.
    "No." she answers after taking in all what I have done. "Why not?" I ask disapointed. "How did you manage this?" she asks. "I sneakeded out and took the paints and crayons from the play room." I mumble. "Why?" "It was so colorless and miserable. I thought this would make it prettier and it did." I smile sweetly. "Danny, I think you have a problem." "I thought that's why I was in here." I add and she ignores me. "Don't get smart with me while I'm trying to help you."
    I laugh menacingly. "Help me? Help me with what?! You don't know how to help me. You don't even know what is wrong with me! How the hell can you help me?" I shout at Lori. I know she doesn't deserve it and I know I hurt her feelings because her eyes well up with tears. "I'm - I'm sorry, Lori." I walk over to her and attempt to give her a hug. She steps away from me and says "Please, not right now. I'm scared." "I'm not dangerous. I'm... I'm Danniel Mayson. I'm just me." I fall to my knees and end up in tears. "Please, I'm not dangerous, I'm not." I sob. "Danniel, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I want you to trust me. Will you?" Lori asks. "No, I can't." I tell her.
    "Come with me Danny." Lori's voice is hard and cold; it's scary. I follow her out of the room and into another. It was so colorless, no color what so ever. Lori walks out and leaves me alone in this room. I'm alone with my thoughts now and that scares me.
    'You killed Alex' a voice in my head says. "No I didn't." I answer with my voice. 'Yes, do you not know that everything points to you?' "You lie! Shut up!" 'Not until you admit you killed Alexander White.' "I didn't kill anyone! Ever." 'Feh. You know you did. After all, you're DNA was found all over the place, on the weapon, on the corpse, on the back gate, on the window and so many more places.' "You think I don't know that? I do. I didn't kill him. Alex is my best friend." 'Was he really?' "Yes. He and I were the best of friends since we were five and were closer than brothers." 'Do you honestly believe that?' "Yes." 'You know you didn't like him because he was better than you at school.' "He alaways helped me and I didn't care." 'Uh-huh. But if he were out of the way you would be the smartest of the class...' "Shut up! That's not what happened! I didn't kill him! His family told me I am innocent and I know I am. Just go away!" 'Did they really say that? Do you think they believe you innocent even after all the evidence?' "They do believe me! And that so called evidence is fake. I didn't do anything wrong." 'You killed him!' "No... I didn't." 'What really happened that night?' "Go away and leave me alone. Just leave me alone."

    Just leave me alone...