Robin and Rose Part 1

• Artist: AngelicDemonIsMe
• Description: This is a story i wrote in school and would like to share it with you. More coming soon....
• Date: 11/03/2009
• Tags: adventure rose robin

"Wa.....,"a voice said. "Wa...up,"Wake up!" "What!?" Rose yelled. "The castle is being attacked!" "Oh no!" Rose screamed. "We have got to get Jay and Poppy!" Then, Rose and Robin ran outside and looked for Jay. (There pet mouse.) "There he is!"Robin yelled. "He was hiding under the castle in the little hole there,"Robin said. Then they ran to Poppy's house and together they all ran away. To be continued.....

Comments

[cinnamon roIIs]

Needs more detail, like maybe an intro so we could learn who Rose, Robin, and Jay are..

[3Jumps]

This is not a story. It's a paragraph. A poorly written paragraph referencing characters and situations we, as consumers, have no idea about. Yesterday I saw a fail cloud. This is its fail rain.

[Beroan10]

I think this still needs a lot of work even for a short story.

[tygercat222]

a mouse. . . named Jay.I see