You seemed a little down yesterday – hah, then again, what do I know? – Are you okay? I know you got a telephone call, is everything alright? None of your friends died, right?
You know, when you told me that you were leaving for the war, well, I thought I was going to die inside…. The nights crying, alone and unmoving, the days spend in a gray fog… Honey, come home, for the kids – for me. Little Joseph smiled for the first time today – its to bad you werent there to see it. He laid there in my arms, as tears welled up in my eyes and fell on his soft baby cheeks. I thought of how you would have laughed, and your eyes would have kissed your son on his forehead.
As for me, at night I sleep in one of your shirts just because it smells like you. As I breathe in your scent, I think of how you would kiss me, and then bury your face in my hair, inhaling my scent.
I remember the first time we met – gosh, we must have been teenagers- you want4ed to become an actor, and when our friends introduced us, you knelt and kissed my hand, calling me "My fair Lizzie". I giggled, and everyone else laughed good-heartedly at your debonair ways. I must admit – I was charmed from the start.
Then we met again in college, and even though we had always been friends and kept in contact, this was different. You asked me out to dinner – and we have been together ever since.
Our marriage was picture perfect – something out of a fairytale- do you remember it? We had the ceremony in Wales, in a castle, even though our relatives protested the cost of getting from the United States to the United Kingdoms. I was in a red and cream dress, studded with pearls, and you were in a black tux, looking like my very own prince charming.
Our honeymoon was in Greece, and when we got back home to the US, the news came that I was pregnant. You whooped and picked me up , spinning me in the air, and kissed me.
9 months later, in a hospital, our first daughter was born. We always felt that she was special- she was born just as a tornado came hurtling towards the hospital. Remember how it sounded? Like a freight train, coming out us at full speed – then, suddenly, as our baby daughter took her first breath, the tornado moved away, and the sound disappeared. You let out that beautiful, deep laugh of yours as you held your firstborn, commenting on how she had my eyes. I smiled tiredly, saying that she may have my eyes, but she has your smile.
Then, three years later, our son was born in a little house by a lake. Your mother's house, actually. About a month later, our happiness was shattered.
The… the announcement came early in the morning on TV – there was a draft. The war was too great – we needed to win. A day later, you left. I felt as if the soul was being torn out of me. I spend days locked up in a bedroom in your mothers house crying. Your mother did her best to comfort me, taking care of the kids and saying that youd be back.
Now – oh the phone rings- maybe it is you!
But no… it, it wasnt… wasnt you. It... it was the government. Now your… your dead.. I…
I cant live without you. Thats it. My life is my own, and my own to claim. Your mother will take care of the children, and although they wont ever know the laugh of their father, and wont know my love for them, but theyd be raised well. I no longer have a reason to live… those pills, yes…next to my bed – I've been taking them to sleep… ever since you… you left I havent… havent been able to sleep. There. 10 of them should do it. I feel them slip down my throat…
My vision grows blurry and my hand shakes, I'll join you soon, wherever you are… but….if, if you arnt there…
…..I love you….
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