• 50 Things Deidara is Not Allowed to Do


    1. Must not complain over the fact that Itachi looks more like a girl than him…

    2. …which is not possible.

    3. Must not force Akatsuki to call him ‘EmoHotty’

    4. … or ‘Bangin’Blondie

    5. … or ‘The D-Man’

    6. In fact, Deidara is not allowed to have a nickname, end of.

    7. Must not eat Kisame’s pet goldfish and claim the cat did it.

    8. When taking a cookie from the cookie jar, Deidara cannot use his hand mouths to eat more than one…

    9. … Further more Deidara is not allowed to have cookies.

    10. Must not steal Itachi’s eyeliner…

    11. … and then replace said eyeliner with de-wrinkle cream.

    12. Must not lick Tobi even if he does look like a lollipop.

    13. Nor must Deidara laugh hysterically when Tobi has a heart attack

    14. Must not call himself a Barbie doll just because he can remove both his arms.

    15. Nor must he detach his arms to prove his point…

    16. … and so Kakazu has to re-stitch him again.

    17. Is not allowed to feed Sasori to beavers.

    18. Must not paint his nails pink..

    19. … Or blue

    20. … Or yellow

    21. In fact, Deidara is not allowed to paint his nails any color but black.

    22. Must not doodle on Pein’s work papers simply because he’s bored…

    23. … especially is those papers happen to be Jinchuruuki reports.

    24. Must not drop C3 into bowls of cereal. It does not make him a ‘Serial Bomber.’

    25. Must refrain from setting off fireworks in the bathroom when Konan is in the shower, just to see her run out naked.

    26. Must not use ‘bang’ as a catch fraise…

    27. … Or ‘boom baby’

    28. Furthermore Deidara is not allowed to have a catch fraise at all.

    29. Is not allowed to walk into Akatsuki meetings wearing a thong that reads ‘rock hard’ just to see the many flushed faces of his companions…

    30. … and ‘but it was just to prove my sexuality’ is not a valid excuse for giving Itachi and nosebleed.

    31. He is not allowed to sing “I Believe I Can Fly” whilst on a mission

    32. In fact, Deidara is not allowed to sing period. Whistling is also frowned upon.

    33. Must not sacrifice Hidan to Tsunade’s giant slug, even if he is asked to do so.

    34. Must not prank call one Sasuke Uchiha to ask if his refrigerator is running.

    35. When leaving for a mission, he must not blow up the base’s entrance simply because it takes to long to open.

    36. Must not pull down Sasori’s pants…

    37. … and he must not cackle when he sees Sasori has a wooden p***k.

    38. Must not feed Kisame fish food…

    39. … it gives him gas

    40. Must not call Orochimaru ‘Saviper’

    41. … Or ‘Voldimort,’ it hurts his feelings.

    42. Must not hog the bathroom because he has a zit on his chin.

    43. And so Tobi pees himself from waiting so long.

    44. Must not dismember Sasori’s arms and use them as backscratchers.

    45. Is not allowed to tell Tobi that Hidan likes to eat people…

    46. … especially Uchiha’s.

    47. Must not use Zetsu as a Christmas tree.

    48. Nor is Deidara allowed to cackle when someone puts a gift between Zetsu’s crotch

    49. Must not kick little kids. It is very rude.

    50. Must not refer to himself as ‘God’ just to piss Pein off.

    "Think he'll kill us?" Sasori asked holding the scroll in his hands. He looked it up and down, trying not to laugh.

    Konan's eyes scanned the writing and smiled, "Don't know, don't really care." She said, thinking of the appalled face their companion would have once he saw this list.

    "Should we add something?" Sasori asked coughing into his sleeve.

    Konan shook her head, "Nah." She took the parchment from Sasori and hung the scroll to the front of Deidara's door and stepped back to gaze at their work.

    Just then the door flew open and slammed shut as a very muddeled Deidara huffed into the room. He looked from his partner to Konan who stood innocently biting her lip. He caught Sasori's gaze to the scroll and started to read what was written. Cerulean eyes scanned the parchment and cheeks became very hot. In a huffy, Deidara tore the scroll from the door and snarled.

    "Hey! These were one time things, hmm!"