• Margaret came home from work early tonight so I pretended to be surprised. I stumbled around the bedroom pretending to push someone out the window and down the fire escape. I messed up my hair in the bathroom mirror and took just one sock off, all while yelling for her to wait just a minute. I finally made my appearance slightly out of breath and with a faux-casual tone.

    Monogamy is for guppies.

    "Hey!" I walked into the kitchen where she had put down her backpack and was now taking food out of the fridge.

    "You didn't make dinner." She continued to take food out of the fridge, searching for something different. There was never anything different.

    "I thought we could go out!" I had been waiting all day for this, the new Chinese place around the block looked fantastic and pretentious. "We could go to that new place and put glass in our salads. Or see a mouse on the floor."

    "Honestly Alice, can we have an evening without drama just this once?" Margaret was annoyed. She had lost her taste for undermining authority. She was starting to become authority and didn't even realize it.

    "Well then I'll make Kraft dinner." I don't know why I was pushing her so far, boredom I guess.

    "Alice, you know I'm lactose intolerant."

    "Right. I knew someone was. Thought maybe it was Jodie or Don..."

    "******** you Alice."

    "Wish I could."

    "Ugh, stop being a child!" Margaret, unsuccessful, was now putting the food back into the fridge.

    "Fine. I'll go buy some tofu and vegetables. We'll have a stir fry." I grabbed my keys to go.

    "Don't tell me you're pulling that vegetarian crap again."

    "I don't eat animals, I told you." I tried to look sincere, but it was just to piss her off.

    "I found bones from chicken wings in here last week." Margaret sighed, "Unless they weren't yours?" She raised one eyebrow, failing at subtlety.

    "Margaret, you know I'm meat intolerant." I gave her an innocent smile. It was fun to watch her struggle like this. Margaret was losing her edge and if we were going to keep playing games she had to keep up.

    "Right." She said, "I knew someone was, I just couldn't remember who."
    I stared at her for another moment. s**t. Now I'm the one with no response. We regarded each other, sizing each other up. I couldn't hold it in much longer, I laughed. She stared at me a little longer then, she laughed too. At this point all I could muster was the classic "Touché."

    "So, Chinese restaurant?" Margaret walked over and snaked her arm around my waist. As we headed out the door she added, "I already have some glass."