Dark days part 1

• Artist: xXxMy_Little_AngelxXx
• Description: Hello,hope you like this story,please tell me what i need to fix and tell me how i did(only part 1,i'm almost finish with this story)also,the girl is my character
  
  Shadow,eggman(or however you like to call him)and sonic belong to SEGA
  The girl(you'll find out what her name is later) Belong to me!
• Date: 06/29/2010
• Tags: dark days sonic

Dark Days

The sky's seem to be cover by darkness,and chaos as it slowly covers the planet...

One day at a field of green grass,the blue sky as it's clear from clouds,then a sound of roaring engines blast by.A black shadow appear in the sky,blocking the sun light as a fire red ship,about 121 wide to 242 high with a face marking on it,meaning Doctor Ivo rotbotnik,or Dr.Eggman,was up to no good again.
All of a sudden a blue blur,running faster then sound,breaking the sound barrier as it seem to be bluring speed toward eggman's ship,stopping at a cliff it was no other then sonic,sonic the hedgehog,to save the day once again.

He started blur running again till a flash appear ahead of sonic,stopping him in his tacks as a black and red hedgehog appear in front of him,the black and red hedgehog spoke to sonic in a dark voice"leave the Doctor to me,sonic..." Sonic nod his head at the black and red hedgehog,replying"ok shadow,but don't let us down!"sonic gave him a tumb up then adding"Once ya done let's have a race!"then runs off in a blur.
Shadow looks at eggman's ship with his blood red eyes as he pulls out his chaos emerald yelling"CHAOS CONTROL!!!!!!!!!"disappearing into a bright light,then it fades.

Inside the eggcarrier
As shadow appear,noticing the place was trashed,robots parts everywhere,some burn spots and some cuts,shadow looked around,asking himself"what happen here?"Suddenly something have answer his question,seem like a girl voice yelling arocss the room as if attack moves where called off,the yelling got louder as the person came close,around the cruve a robot's head was throw against the wall as the yelling stop,shadow was ready for anything that came from the turn.
A female hedgehog came from the turn,cover in some dirt,robot oil and burn spots from something that blasted to pieces,besides the mess,she had long,flowing,dark blue hair,she,herself,was a light blue with the same color eyes as shadow,wearing a,little teared up,shirt with long teared up sleaves,and long jean pants.

Comments

[xXxMy_Little_AngelxXx]

Thanks for trying,but for the fact...my wordpad was taken off of my computer(somehow,it just disappear) and i only have notepad =/
but thank you ^^

[Morbid Humour]

With "running faster then sound" the 'then' should be 'than'. ^^ I'm not going to say much else about the rest of the story's grammar, but just on a last note make sure that you are constant with naming your characters, i.e. 'Sonic' is sometimes written as 'sonic'.
But you have a really awesome story here with great potential. A little bit of revising will go a long way. ^^

[Morbid Humour]

I love your concept.
I'm going to be a bit picky here with correcting your spelling and grammar, because I believe that those small errors subtract from the really great story you've got here. Might I suggest writing the story on Microsoft Word or something similar before posting it? It'll just correct some of the little things, like putting spaces after commas and periods and such. With "Doctor Ivo rotbotnik" make sure that Robotnik has a capital R.