• I could feel it happening. Slowly, my heart leaves me. No, I am not dying, with technicality. It's deeper, this feeling. Love, live, everything... Nothing touching the expectations previously set. This horrid world, full of it's painfully beautiful visions and the ugly yet wonderful things within it. Why would the world create the moth, to outlive its superior, the butterfly? The beauty fleeting supposed from the purpose to take never for granted the n-everlasting joy of the planet.

    Depression is supposed to fill with you with hate, distaste, distrust for those around you and you yourself. The thing is, that it never truly touches those you care for, the distaste is set for that which you cannot change. This meloncholic day. Death and destruction rain on the world like a volcano, volcanic and sudden. If only, if only.

    I sat here, wollowing in my own self pity, unable to be moved by my surroundings.The screams from my childish mother wail up the stairs, headphones unable to drown out the bass of the ******** up named "step-father". Bullshit relationship with no meaning and no emotion excluding the mutual dislike. All I could think about was self loathing. Write, write, all the fake anguish I feel put onto paper. Yawning, I leaned back proofreading. The song changed to something upbeat, one I do not really feel like listening to, but don't want to change it for the sake of it.

    The yelling had stopped suddenly, who knows where they went too. I had been sitting for a good three or four hours, I need a drink, or a piss or a walk, to move. I braved the stairs, hoping that if anyone was there it was my mother. Although she's insane she only took it out on me if I say something wrong, where my step father would beat the s**t out of me for glancing his way, or at least that's what he tries. Devil speak, his voice, disgustingly coughs through the window. I sneek down the grime crusted stairs around the clutter gathering there and grab a soda from the fridge and sneak out the back.

    The door throws itself open with a loud shutter, half falling out the door I make a mad dash passed my dog, whining for a petting while sitting in the cage by the exit. I glide my hand over the chain link as I pass, coming back stinking and drooly. I throw myself over the privacy fence into the trash ridden back ally. Loud music pushed itself at me from a near garage, trying to infect me with the shittiness of it. Music louder, hood up, run if provoked.

    Quietly, I walk in the shadows of the street, rare and few lights down the dark way. The sound of traffic not far off, the lights of artificial day calling me.

    "Hey, choadler, who you ******** today?" A terrifying voice piped behind me, I knew I should have pissed before bolting.

    His face, a mass of disgusting, a pig, vile. He was just a neighborhood wannabe thug, but he was horrifying to behold, alone, in a dark, stinking allyway. Phlem cut into my throat, terrified I turned tail and ran. The light of the mainstreets was haven, but I had to outrun him. Wasn't normally to hard, he was large, a mass of muscle and fat. I was out in the street before I had realised, he still followed me, but it was easier to hide. Running still I had managed to open the gap threefold. Glancing behind me, I saw him slow, screaming bloody murder at me.

    Stopping into a quick walk, I rounded the corner, going into the first business I passed. It was like stepping into an alterative world, the colors changed from dank grim covered thing outside, to rich royal, how bad had it, I, smelled suddenly apparent, to a gentle Jasmine scent that sifted around the room.

    -

    The bell chimed. I glanced up from what I had been reading, another one of those dull teen books that seem to be the only fantasy avaliable that didn't destroy the innocence surrounding the genre. A breathless boy stood in the door way, his shoulders slackened and he stared around in amazement of the place. The building was rather old for the city, and most people found it strange when they entered the first time. It never gets old.

    The boy's eye focused on me. His questioning look made me want to go on a speal about the origin of the building, boring him, possibly scaring him off the place. I settled on something less lax.

    "Good afternoon, sir." ...No, that didn't sound right. He stiffened as I said sir, guess I was correct about that. He turned and stared out the window, a fuming dullard stood in front of the building looking this way and that. Maybe it hadn't been what I said. He pulled down his hood, exposing his strangely long hair. He put his finger to his lips and snuck behind the farthest back of the high bookshelves.

    The bundle of meat, as if on cue, opened the door. He spotted me, and said in a disgusting voice as bad as his look, "Didja see a little queer come in here?"

    I stared at him, a bit to long, I think... Maybe. I started blubbering then "I don't know what you're talking of, sir, I haven't even seen a cat hair today."

    Meat gave me a weird look, I think I may have ******** it up for that one dude. I glanced in his direction, still hidden behind the bookshelf, a look of pure "Are you stupid?!" on his face.

    "Uh, yeah..." Meat had been to astonished at my weirdness to give my glace a second thought. He gave the place a sweep with his eyes, and left. Must not have really had the motivation.

    That One Dude peeked out like a mouse. Seeing the coast was realitively clear he relaxed and looked over at me. A slight look of annoyance and relief mixed on his face, "You're lucky that guy was stupid, he could have beat the s**t out of me, then you for lying if he had bored to look."

    I glanced up at him and back at my reading, trying to keep from looking weirder than I was, mentally punching myself for being so... Weird. "I know, it didn't sound right, did it?" I tried to control my breathing as it started to become uneven, minor panic attack was setting in from the scene I had just witnessed, all the other things I could have said coming into my head.

    He looked at me with the same weird look Meat had given me, but it passed, and he shrugged. "You okay?" Concern crossed his face. I nodded and mumbled something like "Panic 'tack, 's all."

    He glanced out again, checking to see if the coast was clear, I guess, and crossed over to where I was sitting. He gave me a brisk clap on the back, "You saved my a** in any case, so, thanks."

    I looked at him, an interesting guy, college age, he seemed to be, some unknown band hoodie with another unknown band T peeking out from under. He had a weird colour of hair, like one too many dyings or something. A lip peircing that I hadn't noticed before gleamed. He started fidgiting. I stared to long again. Trying to make up for it I asked, "Why did he call you queer?"

    A look of horror crossed TOG's face. Oh, god. What is wrong with me. Social cues, social cues, learn them, damn it.