• My Name Is Joanne Perrette
    I Live In California with My Mom and My Brother Jason
    I had a little sister but she died in a car accident 2 years ago...
    I Go to Pittsburgh State High School; it’s a pretty good school
    I only have one friend Avee...
    I suffer from depression...
    Avee keeps me from suicide...
    It’s kind of sad right?
    Also I don’t love anymore, its better not to if you’re me...
    My life has its twist and turn
    But I learnt not to look Left..... heart







    Hey Name’s Buddy Stevens
    I Live In California with My Mom and Dad; Yes I’m the only child...
    I Go to Pittsburgh Sate High School; it’s a crap school but I got to go there my dad’s the Principal...
    I’m in love with a girl her name is Joanne, We broke up though.
    Where not even friends anymore i don’t why though...
    My life is pretty damn good
    Just Take life as it comes....Or don’t take it at all... cool








    Chapter 1
    Friends, Family, But I love you the most
    “So Joanne what’s going on with you and Buddy?” Avee asked with all the innocents in the world but I still couldn’t help myself she was so wrong there was nothing going on with me and Buddy and she knew that very well but before I knew it I was yelling at her.
    “Wasn’t it me he didn’t want!?” I snapped back, quickly trying to stop myself before it became an argument.
    “True but the way he still looks at you?” Avee said, I have never gotten into an argument with Avee especially over a boy and one like Buddy but she still constantly brings him up, it doesn’t matter how hard I try to forget him she makes me remember.
    “When the trust you have is broken, would you trust him again?” I explained to her Avee has her own ways though she might see that it was some kind of beginning for me and Buddy but I see it as an ending, The curtains shut and there not coming back open.
    I don’t want to be his little romance comedy show for the school.
    “But you hurt him too remember” Avee whisper from underneath her breath whenever she speaks like that it sends a slight chill down my spine.
    Deep down I do love him but I try not too anymore, his love for me was always there but just a little bit too much for me to care. I truly do love him but I’m not about to beg for him to see that.
    “He wasn’t here and he didn’t seem to care when I told him, then we decided it was over” I replied in a slit whispering voice I could feel the tears starting up in my eyes I tried not to burst out and cry especially in front of Avee
    “And anyway if I knew it would have destroy what we had, I would have done anything to save what we had” I struck a snapping tone at Avee I didn’t mean to but I did. I guess I couldn’t stop myself just as much as I can’t stop myself from bursting out in tears.
    “So tell him that, explain the truth to him” Avee continued on this depressing and extremely annoying subject I wanted to stop listen and go to fairy land but in what she was saying she had a point.
    I would have done anything to save us if I knew it would have broken everything we had, even friendship I would have given everything to take what I did back. But there’s no more innocents I’m completely guilty for ruining what we had and I guess I disserve everything I get and I don’t mind it.
    Even if it means giving Buddy the pleasure of ruining my life for his popularity score to rise, Buddy was always popular but he seemed to get more popular when this new bullying thing of his came into play but he only seems to bully me I guess that’s what any Ex boy friend would do to you after destroying their love for you.
    “Joanne for some reason I don’t think all the love he has for you in gone” Avee said glaring at me it was kind of annoying because I know very well whenever she gives me that look it means go and fix what’s wrong.
    “You don’t know that, anyway we haven’t been together for 8 months I’m pretty sure he’ll be over me by now” I replied but honestly I hope he isn’t I hope he still has feelings for me deep down. If only Buddy could find it in his heart to one day forgive me for what I did to him.
    “Avee, how old where you when you first fell in love with a guy?” Avee looked at me again, more of a smile on her face now.
    “Who said I have ever loved someone yet?”
    “You haven’t?”
    Avee laughed “Look at you, you’re so surprised aren’t you more interested in finding your own love?”
    “I don’t know I don’t know much about love or men” I actually admitted. Avee just look at me for a minute or two then she smiled, “But what about Buddy didn’t you love him?”
    “How do I actually know if it was love?”
    “What do you mean, Joanne?”
    “I mean was it love or was it just that I thought I loved him?”
    “I don’t know, but your moms worried about you she said....”
    “She said?”
    “Never mind it does not matter” Avee said packing up her homework she instantly left the room.
    “I’ll see you at school tomorrow” she said as she walk straight through my bedroom door usually I walk Avee home but tonight I had other things on my mind I’m sure Avee will be alright to walk home on her own tonight well it’s only one time.
    But for some reason just talking about love made me more interested to think of Buddy I was worried about him, I was very worried about Buddy what Avee told me didn’t help me to know if i loved him but my gut tells me I do, you know when you get a funny feeling in your stomach and then you know why you have that feeling it’s because you love someone. Or it’s just nerves, I do get very nervous around Buddy now maybe it’s because I love him but we not together.
    But I don’t want to hurt him again I really don’t, I care for him and I don’t want to hurt him like last time I picked up my mobile and called Avee.
    “Okay, I need your help, it’s about Buddy”
    “You don’t need my help with Buddy, just look into the future”
    “What does that mean?” I was confused at this specific moment and I could help thinking another riddle.
    “Joanne if you don’t look into the future you’ll never know anything” she stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath before starting again.
    “Do you see you and Buddy together in 4 years time?”
    “I don’t know what if I don’t want to know my future?”
    “Joanne, if you don’t think about the future then you digging your own grave”
    Why was Avee always correct even though she speaks in riddles half the time she makes perfect sense when you think about it but at times it can get annoying I hung up and put the phone down.
    “Joanne, come down stairs and help Hayley with her home work!” Mom yelled from the kitchen, I have always helped Hayley but I had more important things on my mind tonight, instead of helping Hayley with homework anyway it’s her homework not mine.
    “No, I have other things to and other things on my mind to thin k about!’ I yelled back I’ve always done the right thing by my mom, So what I didn’t want to help Hayley tonight but I new I was getting into trouble.
    “Don’t be so selfish Joanne and come help her!” mom screamed from down stairs in the deep, sharp, stinging voice only she could produce.
    “I’m not selfish, that’s not true!” I protested loudly tears started to fill my eyes. In this house, there was no greater sin then selfishness.
    “Stop thinking of only you Joanne” Hayley snapped back poking her head into my room her eyes suddenly came alive; it was scary enough to make me tremble. I put loud music on lying on my bed thinking of Buddy, Hayley came and laid next to me staring up at the ceiling.
    I would do anything to have Buddy’s trust back have him strongly love me and the warmth of his arms wrapped around me again. For once in my life I actually sounded like a child, Hayley always thought I was pathetic, but I guess she wouldn’t understand love at her age.
    “You know loving someone is a complete waste of time” Hayley said look into my eyes.
    “What’s wrong with falling in love?” I finally asked her since she is always complaining about me being in love.
    “Love in poisonous for us Joanne” and she would say nothing more about it, No matter how many times I asked, it was like Hayley new something I didn’t, and I didn’t like it, I’m mommy’s natural daughter yet I felt like I was the adopted one.
    Yet she still insisted on keeping me in the dark, even though I’m the oldest to, Hayley is still mommy’s favourite she gets told everything I don’t, and always gets answer’s for her questions I never did I learnt not to ask any.
    “Ok, truth time” Hayley said
    “What?” yes I was confused what was Hayley going on about.
    “Come off it, Joanne. Stop giving us that innocent look, you don’t just lie here in your bedroom listening to music,” She continued lying on my bed looking up at the ceiling.
    “You lie here thinking about one or another boys at our school my guess, Buddy, you think about how you love him and how you miss his wonderful kisses and comforting love within your arms, Don’t you?” Hayley insisted and answer but I didn’t know what to say she was completely right and I didn’t like it, it was as if she has been studying me for the last year or so.
    “Anyway don’t you hate Buddy? Joanne” Hayley asked innocently she actually sounds more like the girl I was happy to call my sister.
    “I don’t know, I think I love”
    “After what he has done, I thought you would hate him, Well we all know what they say about love”
    “What do they say?” I had never known Hayley new a lot about love but the way she spoke it sounded as if she was some kind of therapist and I suddenly didn’t mind speaking about Buddy with her.
    “If it’s love it’s stronger than anything” Hayley said looking at me I could start to see tears down her face I didn’t know why she was crying and I didn’t not think it was such a good idea to ask.
    I don’t think she’ll give me an answer anyway.

    Chapter 2
    I won’t let you go Jason
    I’ve always been strong for you, I trusted you, I looked up to you.
    And all those crazy things you use to say and all the jokes you’d make, Jason I wish you were here. You always say that you will do whatever makes you happy and relax because life is amazing, I’d do anything to have you here, And I won’t ever let you go, I don’t what to let you go, I miss you so much, I can’t sleep at night because every day without you here is a nightmare.
    I always stay wide awake, can’t sleep, can’t close my eyes for even a second because all I see is a nightmare. I never even got to say goodbye. But people always say no matter what happens there’s always a time for a goodbye, I guess you said goodbye when you get that one second and memories play through your mind like a photo album and that one second you say goodbye to us and keep those memories there forever.
    “Are you ok?” Hayley asked.
    “Yeah, I’m fine”
    “Joanne, I know Jason wasn’t my brother by blood and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have to say goodbye, but I did love him like a brother too.”
    “Yes”
    I wanted to cry everyone around me who loved Jason every much are crying or have cried, but I haven’t I don’t know why but I just can’t cry.
    “What’s wrong with me?”
    Hayley stared at me I didn’t know why she was looking at me that way but she was. Then she quickly shook her head.
    “What do you mean?”
    “I’m not normal”
    “Normal well everyone is different, Joanne”
    “I want to cry but I can’t, everyone around me is crying because they lost someone they loved but I haven’t, I can’t”
    “It’s not you can’t, It’s you don’t want to or your scared to cry?”
    “What does that mean?”
    “If you’re going to cry because you lost your brother you will, In time” Hayley said not speaking anymore, and when Hayley stops speaking it means no more questions she doesn’t want to answer them.
    “Your a lot like Avee” I said to her she looked at me raising one eyebrow.
    “Me, like Avee, How?” she sat on floor looking up to the ceiling whenever she looked up to the ceiling it meant she was thinking. What was she thinking about is my question.
    “You have her personality and icy blue eyes just like her” Hayley walk out of my bedroom quickly I was wondering what she was going to do now. I even thought for a moment myself what if Hayley is related to Avee, Avee’s mother doesn’t like Hayley what if that because she does not want Hayley to know anything about her real family because there standing right in front of her. Before her very eyes.

    But enough about Hayley I wanted to know how my brother died I wanted to know everything it made me furious not knowing it, it upset me knowing I wasn’t there to save his life I couldn’t help him. But Hayley was right I could feel myself starting to heat up tears started to fill my eyes and suddenly they fell down my cheek.
    “Joanne” My mom said pulling me into her arms tightly crying in rhythm with me her heart beated fast, as mine did.
    I was so caught up in the moment I couldn’t speak I didn’t want to say anything I just wanted to sit on the floor on a beautiful grasses place crying throughing flowers around the pond. It was Jason favourite place it’s silent, peaceful, and just perfect. A true resting place.
    For some reason I felt guilty for his death, it felt to me right now as if guilt was shooting a bullet through my chest, digging a massive hole that will never be sild because it cannot. heart


    To be Continued.......

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