• prologue:


    A doubt in the mind is like a shadow, you may try to forget its there but it never really goes away. Not until the darkness finally takes over then its gained full control. So why don't we follow through with that little ounce of doubt? Because we hope like hell it will go away but always feel disappointed when it doesn't.

    "I just don't feel the same anymore" I heard his voice, but it was like it was happening thousands of miles away, in a different place to a different person. Everything felt so unreal. Yet it all made sense in a way. Like we were both finally free of something we didn't know had trapped us. Almost like a caged bird being set free for the first time.

    I slowly let my eyes look into his. "Did I do something wrong?" I felt the sting of the pain in my heart. As everything I knew slowly fell into place. The hidden messages, the lost connection, we were pulling apart and I didn't even notice till now. The little things that mattered that had slowly went away. The things that made us fall madly in love had went away and left us both empty handed with the desire to try to relight the flame that was once in our hearts.

    I could see how much this was hurting him, almost as much as he was hurting me. If anyone ever says the pain only goes one way through a break up they are wrong. Way wrong. Because it hurts both of the people involved.

    "Lily I'm so sorry, I tried to ignore it. I thought maybe it was just a thought that would go away." I grabbed his hand knowing this would be the last time id get the chance to. The last time I would ever feel the warmth of his hand in mine again.

    I smiled the best smile I possibly could. "I understand, really I do." Its not like I was lying, I did understand, the only problem was my heart refused to believe it.

    I saw the relief in his eyes. "I'm so glad, you have no idea how much I wish I didn't have to do this." I knew what I had to do next, but I wanted to put it off as long as I could, because the final moments will always play in my mind, I wanted to make it memorable in a good way.

    "Derek, we had fun right? I mean together we were happy for a time weren't we?" He smiled the smile that I loved, but instead of the happiness I usually felt, I felt nothing but pain.

    "Hell yeah" his smile slowly went away. "Would it be okay if I hugged you?" All I could do was nod my head as he wrapped his arms around me engulfing me in his warmth. This I would miss the most, but all too soon he pulled away and smiled sadly at me.

    "Its time isn't it?" He nodded weakly "can we skip the part where we say goodbye and just walk away? Because I don't think I can handle actually saying it." I saw the understanding in his eyes. We both stared at each other, as if through an unspoken language we whispered a silent goodbye.

    We had a moment, I saw hesitation in his eyes and felt it in my heart. There was no way around this. We both knew it. I smiled one last time as I turned and walked away. The tears that I had held back now ran down my face freely. I walked away from the life that I knew, the love that I had lost, and the future that will never happen.