Have you ever wondered what living the life you hated was like? Have you ever watched the people around you and said “I want to be like them”? Have you ever broken down in tears thinking of all the things you want and how impossible they are to reach? I doubt you have. You’re not like me. That I am sure of. You’re probably saying to yourself “Psh. I am like you. I have those problems myself.” Well guess what. You don’t.
I bet you don’t go to an all girls private school and have to suffer watching all the clicks around you have fun while you’re left out. How would you feel about one of your best friends being invited to hang out with her other friends and knowing that you’ll never get to have fun like that? I bet you’d be sad or depressed depending on your emotional level. Well guess what. This is what I have to suffer through.
I never was one of the so called “preps”. I was always the outcast, the loner, and I always thought nothing of it. As time progressed, I began thinking more of it. I thought of how many things I was missing. Never say “Life is Good”. Life was fine for me Pre-K through 2nd grade. Never had problems then. It was at 3rd grade when I switched schools that it all changed. All through 3rd grade I was basically friendless. I was picked on and lonely. 4th grade I made few friends but only gained a few more up until 8th. Switching to high school was the day I thought that I would be accepted. I was wrong.
Walking through the doors of my all girls private high school on my first day I saw faces I didn’t know and new chances to make friends. But little did I know that they were opportunities just waiting to slip away. The days went by and I met new people. Few of which now I know well enough to call friends. I frequently talk to my friends other friends and hope to be able to call them “friend” one day. They seem to accept me but deep inside I have a doubt about it. I’ve started doubting one of my best friend’s friendship too. I’m slipping away on my icy depression and trying to hold onto the edge of the cliff of hope as all my doubt weighs me down trying to make me fall into the pit of loneliness.
My days of hell’s high school continues. I learn nothing. I feel nothing. I’ll become nothing. As long as I walk the face of the earth, there will never ever be another me. Never. Don’t doubt my words. When you find another you then I’ll believe there’s another me. I’ve never known what love was but for now I shall live as a recluse hiding under a blanket sown from wasted dreams and sleep under the stars that know no end to what this world was or will ever be.
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