• Is this a story or a poem? I'll never know, because i am a part of it.
    I'm getting really low, because i hate being high.
    I can say it's pretty sad, i know it's sad. i am , sad.
    weep not for, the memories.
    I'm sitting here, in the darkness, it feels like it's hugging me, down in every seam of my brain, it's sending me to sleep.
    i have a story i would like to tell, just to get it out, for it's stuck in my mind, running around and around, like a song. I'm to the end of a small chapter in this small little life of my small little existance as a single dot placed on this earth.
    When i thought my first actaul thought for myself, i was around eleven, shows how easily children are misguided. It hit me when i realized that i wasn't even close to being normal as i'd always thought. There was a girl, and i thought that i just thought she was very VERY pretty, but i missed her every weekend, every moment i couldnn't see her, i'd never felt anything like it.
    it was christmas vacation and i missed her, very dearly. and my first thought was something along the lines of, "what?" Well you know hey, you can't do anything about it, "I'm gay... oh, oh.. okay... Well i can't do anything about that... I'll just work with it." Not only did I admire this girl, but i had a crush on her, a HUGE crush on her. things i'll never know.
    My dreams, have always been so small, nothing of any real importance, all I've always wanted was a girl, one with true depth, or you know, a prom date for grade 9? In my grade 6 mind those were very important.
    Skip grade 7, it was the hardest, comming to terms with myself, and the fact that people would hate me because i liked girls better, was terrifying. I had myself convinced i was bi, maybe because i thought that it sounded better. half normal? Who was i kidding, I always knew.
    I came out in grade 8, as a lesbian. I didn't get much s**t for it, truely i expected so much more, i expected to get beat up, that's why i did crunches and push-ups everyday after school. Life has proved to be not a challenge at all so far yet, and i don't want to become a drug addict.
    That summer, i was low, really low in my self esteem. Because i'm a nerd i was playing runescape, i met this 'girl', lovely8 0. I wasn't comfortable going into the relationship, but yet i continued... for almost 10 months... I got hints along the way that something was wrong, but my intuition knows things. I let myself get into a situation where, another girl, got at me. i was stoned. but i was ashamed. I can't hide these things, and i know when i do wrong, i told my online girlfriend that i had cheated on her. She flipped, i don't blame her. but if i hadn't of done that, i'd never know the truth. EVERYHTING happens fora reason.
    I was so stunned i wasn't even heartbroken, it felt more like my heart fell from it's stem into an eturnal abyss, and was falling...
    Not even a week later, i met a girl, named Hannah. I liked her belt. She practially stalked me down, which is halarious.
    And I don't feel right, when you're gone away.
    She became my prom date, first girl i'd ever held hands with, first person i'd ever held hands with; that meant anything. She played trumpet with my hand.
    And now it's summer and she left, back to neverneverland.. I have nothing against that place, i just miss her alot.
    Pride is next weekend, she asked me to go. She told me that she'd call me today, to make plans.. it's 12 o'clock exactly right now, you could call me pathedic but I can't lie i have been waiting all day.
    I hope i'm not getting depressed but ever since schools been over, almost a month actually, I've been feeling like s**t. Since that day that she left and didn't tell me, and i wrote her a letter.. I'm really the weirdest lesbian i ever met. first day of my life i ran out of the school crying hoping no one would see me, but i couldn't control myself then, I cried the whole bus ride home, and plus an hour under my bed.
    YA I'm cool , i know right.
    I just don't think she cares nearly as much as i do, i don't know why that makes me sad. She's ether getting drunk right now, or already did ; I always fall for bad girls... thanks you know, i can't explain emotions because they're too raw. sorry.

    I can feel it, coming in the air tonight, oh lord.
    I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, oh lord.