I Stand Alone

• Artist: Casca 7
• Description: This is just a poem I wrote for one of the poem competitions before this arena opened up. It didn't win, but oh well. Tell me what you think.
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags:

I stand alone. The bitter break of dawn
Is seeping through the blanket made of ash.
I taste the putrid, ling'ring sulfur on
My tongue as it would leave a spotted rash.
Beneath me lie the conquered and the strong
For not a one would dare survive this day;
A little boy still plays his marching song
As he marches slowly through the gray.
I hear the mothers' whimpers in my ears;
They dare not cry for fear they'll lose their souls.
If only there was nothing left to hear,
But softly does the death bell make its tolls.
I stand alone. The bitter break of dawn
Reminds me that my time has come and gone.

Comments

[Astaire]

You keep your meter and rhyme scheme extremely well, so you are to be commended for that.

However, the imagery is a bit vague (THE blanket of ash... what blanket of ash? Is this Pompeii? Did a volcano erupt? Are the dead being burned for sanitation?) You mention a lot of gray and suffering, but why would both the conquered and the strong not dare survive, while this little boy keeps marching? I'm all for open interpretations, but I think your main problem may be that it's a little too vague.

[Rinlin813]

This is lovely! I really like all the imagery.

[Cissia]

I really like it and it's got lots of great imagery; obviously sad to think about death, but it never becomes overly-morbid. Nice job keeping up the rhyme scheme, too. ^-^

[Latreice]

Like she said I can tell you put alot into it.
I love it!

[Takorokku]

This poem is very well put together. You put a lot of thought into this, I can tell. Good job. ^-^

[w h i s p e r SHOUT]

I love this poem. Good job!