watch it rain

• Artist: Alexa Is Gonna Kill You
• Description: what does the title tell you <.<
• Date: 08/13/2008
• Tags:

watch the rain fall.
watch it poor.
as we sit in this bench under the
old oak tree we planted when we were
young.i give you a hug and a peck on the cheeck
soaking wet from the rain of what we speak.
mabye somday we'll be happy again and the rain well never end.

Comments

[Kibroth]

Nice poem, subtle imagery is nice.

Suggestions: (Likely) spelling errors- line 2, "pour", line 7, "maybe" "someday" and "will".
Additionally, I'd remove the periods and make "young" on line 5 it's own line.
I'd suggest (slightly) rewriting line 7 as-
"Maybe someday we'll be happy again
and the rain we share will never end"

I like what you've done though. Good job.

-K