shards of a forgotten heart

• Artist: JamesXJaywalk
• Description: a poem that took me several nights to write. i think it's pretty deep. tell me what you think.
• Date: 09/26/2008
• Tags: shards forgotten heart

in this world, there is death of the
soul, of the heart. why do we kill, for life, for pain. now we run,

for there is no choice. infinity has you figured out, you thought

you knew, everything. far from it, far from it. now, mirrors in

your mind, will decline, the knowledge of our world. and the

tapestry of your soul will be unfurled. time is not your enemy

when you walk in peace. the truth, i believe, hides in the soil of

our minds. now, you pass on for your ambition, your passion

clouds your sight, our minds are a whole. a tear in our continium,

we find odd, we believe we can be the only ones, the lies

shatter when we find the true whole. blindness can be truth in

love, may the mind be the true demon? now, she leaves us, she

dies in the sky.....it is her time.

when you find your life too cruel to keep, when the devil has you in his reach, cry on the shoulder of jesus. when the supports of your life cave in, replace them with the cross. when your thoughts are bursting through your mind, write your lyrics down in pride. never, ever change your side, when you lost your soul, i cried, you were so beautiful in my eyes, now heed my advice. angel, seek my fine redemption, within it, we find love, of the deepest kind. can your deep thoughts be a sign? a sign we could find most divine. when you think your word is but one, it creates an important thread in the society of us all, so do not doubt your own power. your word cannot be lies when you trust. without a falter, there can be no perfection. now trust.

Comments

[raistlins_daughter]

Wow, that was really nice, it makes a lot of sense to me. Ignore that jerk who's trying to sound all know-it-all, [phoenix]. I write a lot of poetry, if you were to ever add this in a contest/publish, it's really awesome, but a little capitilization and form editing would make it even cooler.

I like what you talk about in the few first lines, I think about these things often, and you word them perfectly, thank you.

12 out of 10.

[a_broken_soul_4_life]

........ Wow.... THat is the most beautiful thing I have ever read..... It's way better then I could eer wright and ever so strong..... It's so good that there's no reating for it...... Absolutly beautiful.

[Annastaysia]

omg i am so totally crying LOVE it 5000/5 crying

[Phoenix OrDinni]

Putting words down and "spilling your heart out" doesn't make you a poet.

[Phoenix OrDinni]

First off.
If depth were a way to judge good poetry, God would be the next Plato or Lord Byron. But he's not, because he doesn't write, and because depth is a personal thing and therefore irrelevant in a true critique.

Your poem's organization is silly and annoying.
Your ideas are cliche.
Your language is simplistic without a point.
Your conventions are..non-existant.
You attempt imagery but barely scratch the surface.
It looks and sounds like a rant with commas.

[a_broken_soul_4_life]

i love this not very many people right like this you rout with your heart and put down what your heart said and if every one could do that then we all would be good wrighters good job. =^.^=

[Vanimiel]

I think this would be even more deep with some capitalization.
Also, everything is 'deep' if it is vague enough.