Stay

• Artist: Sir Candy Cane
• Description: This poem is about insanity. The "you" i created is supposed to be one's mind. I tried to make it almost like a break-up sort of thing, you know? Like going insane may be considered breaking up with your mind, your senses. I know a lot of people like to write about how they feel and things, well, I'm not going insane or anything, but sometimes when I do feel a little off or different, I feel like this, along with the fact i felt like writing...enjoy!
• Date: 10/18/2008
• Tags: stay

if we both got away,
would you stay?
nothing more to say,
but can you come out and play?
to lose you today,
everything to go to disarray,
i'd lock myself away,
i can't come out and play
hate them i may,
but there would be no other way.
i'd see the world as gray,
no more emotions at bay.
throwing myself into this fray,
my opinion cannot be swayed.
unless you stay,
please don't go away.
they'll hurt me today,
don't let them get their way.
if you stay,
i won't go astray,
they won't lock me away,
won't hurt me today.
you have to stay,
you must not go away.
the doctor says i'll hurt me today,
if you go away.
so please just stay,
and don't let me get my way.

Comments

[writervsworld]

yeah it's cool, i thought it was a break up, going crazy cuz of it or something till i read the description, nice, but yea u could've used some different ryhme schmes...just saying, still loved it though

[xXsecret_artistXx]

cool i totally get the whole break-up with the mind concept. love it! xD

[red1496]

yea it actually did sound like a break up lol biggrin

[Jayleena]

Too much rhyming,waaaaaaaaay too much rhyming. And it doesn't flow very well, it seems like you were throwing in words,just because they rhymed. Though i do get that you tried to do it this way because its about "insanity", you can still make an "insane" poem without it sounding redundant or like you just tossed words in.

[Seri Hayasake]

IT IS DEEP.FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT THAT DEEP-MIGHT BE HARD TO UNDERSTAND.THERE IS A LOT OF RHYMING HERE I KIND OF LIKED THE RHYMING BUT AS YOU SAID THAT IT'S LIKE AN INSANE POEM OR SOME ONE GOING INSANE I'D SAY THERE SHOULD BE LESS RHYMING NOT LIKE NOT AT ALL BUT IN YOUR POEM EVERY LINE RHYMES WITH EVERY OTHER LINE I'M NOT SAYING THAT IT IS BAD OR ANYTHING CAUSE I DID LIKE THE POEM BUT THERE SHOULD BE A LITTLE LESS RHYMING LIKE SKIPPING A LINE OR DOING IT AFTER A STANZA OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.