• laughter, tears, pain all are my life
    and day by day i continue on
    that piece of steel that hides under my mattress at night
    that hard piece of metal calling to me
    the gentle rush that calmes me
    as i hold this inanimate object in my hand
    no matter how inanimate i seek solace in it's warmth
    the warmth thats only there when the blades
    covered with my blood
    and marks begins to form on my wrist
    shivers run dowm my spin
    when cold meet warm
    when the pain slows to a dull throb
    that makes me feel more alive than i
    ever dreamed, imagined or belived possible
    they call it self-mutilation
    i call it my best friend
    my healer
    addicted is what ive become
    because this piece of steel
    is the only thing that makes me feel
    the numbness creeps away
    allowing my heart to beat like it should
    cutting when all else fails
    it may be wrong to you or to those other than me
    others make ti complicated
    but it really comes down to
    me, my blade, and that invisible throbbig heartbeat
    that i wish was gone
    finally ready to push over the edge
    the steel enters my chest
    the bottle empty in my hand
    from the fist attempted suicide
    but this isnt attempted
    this is me taking my own life.