there are so many cracks, so many chips in my thoughts. anything that ever was or is my world is crashing, burning, dying.
I'm shattered, into a million pieces.
every bandage is sliding off, and all I can do is throw it away,
and make the journey to find a new one.
my stare feels empty, but so full.. of what? I don't know.
I can feel the pulse in the back of my eyes, the chronic lump in my throat,
there is no escape. I am in, surrounding, observing, creating and feeling hell.
the pit in my stomach never stops churning.
my thoughts never disappear.
nine o clock, on a friday night..
my back aches, but the heat rising from the tar and gravel below me is comforting.
eyes puffy and stinging. there is no end.
I rock back and forth, consider my options.
weighing the pros and cons as if I'm about to write a persuasive essay. I'm still picking sides.
I don't know where I stand.
I don't know if you could call this standing.
every strength that I've ever had has washed away, with the life that I had.
each drop, eliminating me.
life catches up to you.
a car pulls up to the road that I am spread out across.
my instinct to move has disappeared.
life stops, the world stops. no more breeze, everything around me is frozen.
I sit up, and wonder if this is really what I want. it is.
I may be alot of things, but I am not a very selfish human being.
no matter how badly I crave the only escape,
I can't have it, I wont.
every person I've ever had a conversation with, their life is brought down.
I couldn't do that.
so here I am, day after day after day..
seeking an escape,
an escape from reality, an escape from the nightmares, an escape for this much pain..
and still, I have found nothing.
I am.. nothing.
nothing but fear, pain.
my heart slowly slides down into my stomach.
I am shattered glass,
and the child that trips into it.
I am an open wound,
and the knife that did the opening.
I am the keyboard,
and the text on the screen.
I have become the nightmare.
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