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Knowing i don't belong,
believeing i don't fit in.
I fight this uncertain feeling,
Lying to myself.
Letting my self fall into despair,
riping my self apart.
Feeling like nothing your presence,
Like i'm some infereior creature.
I hope your happy,
I'm not coming back.
I won't come back,
Its to painful.
- by Tweeny Bird |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 01/10/2010 |
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- Title: Painful choice
- Artist: Tweeny Bird
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Description:
its a free verse i felt like writing becuase of i how i feel right now. please leave a comment on it. thankies.
;D - Date: 01/10/2010
- Tags: painful choice
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Comments (2 Comments)
- -x- Fridge -x- - 01/15/2010
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3.) Try expanding your writing. Why don't you fit it? Why aren't you coming back? Even when you're writing a simple poem, try to write something that will hook the viewer and make them want to keep reading!
Good luck with your future writing! - Report As Spam
- -x- Fridge -x- - 01/15/2010
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Okay, it's not bad, but it's not great. Right now, I'd give it a 3/5
A couple of pointers you might consider are:
1.) Check your spelling, that gets my attention when I read
2.) Use some figurative language! You have the feelings down, now you need to make them sound "pretty" and make it pleasing to read.
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