• teddy bear

    I'm sitting here on the edge of my bed
    holding this damned teddy bear, the one I gave to you
    breathing arduously as I press it against my face
    I'm trying to enduce myself into believing this was all a dream
    a horrid nightmare, a loathsome hallucination
    and just when the false facts are finding somewhere to fall
    I see your lifeless corpse layed still on the floor
    an outbreak of tears burst like a water main,
    uncontrollably like the waves of an enraged ocean
    I haven't even got to swallowing the truth yet,
    Its a milestone just on a sole bite,
    a guilt-filled jawbreaker
    All I wanted was for you to understand,
    to feel the torment I felt, have the glove on the other hand
    I'm gripping the teddy hard, its wavering
    my hands are trembling, fingers numbed with anger and regret
    you told me to quit, I was wounding you
    I was trying so hard to stop
    but the bruised dark side of me fought harder
    my ears were deaf from the lies you fed
    I look the teddy square in its plastic pupil
    all I see is you
    my eyes are playing your motion picture
    top at the box-office, sold-out theater
    I bought every ticket
    all I see is the same scene replaying itself
    your excruciating screams, over and over
    and over
    A play list of death
    I wish I had the strength to run away and leave all of it behind
    desert this child's toy, abandon your soulless body
    but I cant bear the memories, its to much for just one mind
    I cannot take the weight of the shadows that will forever haunt me
    I reach into the drawer of the stand nearby our bed
    the bed which will no longer put us to sleep
    the cold hard surface of the pistol shows no signs of pity for me
    its an object, its just there to do the deed
    I close my eyes, take a breath, count to three
    and before I even got to two,
    I pulled the trigger
    with the teddy bear still in my hand.