• a closed door all my life.
    peeking through it.
    faintly hearing everything on the other side.
    so curious as to whats on the other side. but yet so afraid.
    all of my conversations take place, back and forth between this door, this barrier. it filters EVERYTHING i say into a less dense, less meaningful(but still meaningful) form of what i truly mean.
    i throw all of the bad things; the pain, the unpleasant memories, the hurt and sorrow, out to the other side of this door. hoping that in that instant a pit forms for all of what i've thrown to fall down, and never be heard of agian. but those bad things ALWAYS come back knocking. no matter how many times i try to get rid of them.
    and i bring in all the good things; REAL friends, happiness, the good memories and the good feelings, and i cherish all of it and hold onto it for as long as i can. hoping none of it will ever go away. but usually, i guess i just don't have a tight enough grasp. most good things never seem to last as long as you want them to. out of your control, they slip away. unexpectedly. and its the worst feeling in the world when that happens. and when the good things leave, there's just more room for the bad things to come in. they slip through the crack under my door. i don't choose to let them in.
    maybe i need to learn to EMBRACE them. since i can't seem to get rid of them.