Broken

• Artist: Kimiko Owl-Rider
• Description: This is a poem I wrote and I know it's extremely depressing, but then again, most of my writing is.
  Comment if you wish and rate if you like it.
  :)
• Date: 12/19/2010
• Tags: broken

She loved you back then,
she still loves you now,
and she will to the night when the moon scares the owl.

As you walk through your sorrow,
Dwelling in the pain,
Still waist deep in tomorrow,
Soaked by frozen rain.

She used to smile,
but that didn't last,
her mind and her soul,
still buried in the past.

She felt the tears,
of a broken goodbye,
no shoulder to cry on,
no-one else to defy.

Her sneaky tricks,
no longer exist
she's all alone now,
there's no more reason to resist.

She closes her eyes,
letting death rule,
watching the clouded sky,
turn to a lighter blue.

She loved you back then.
she still loves you now,
and she will to the night when the moon scares the owl.

Comments

[Kimiko Owl-Rider]

Thankyou, that was a very nice comment. smile . Don't worry, I will never stop writing, thank you so much for the lovely comment. smile .

[PoeticWindstorm]

Ok. I have to say that, honestly, I wouldn't want you to change this poem for anything-regardless of the the's or but's or and's. It's amazing and should be kept as such. Please keep writing; because, creativity is s much about the simple words and style as it is about the big words and fancy complexities. smile

[ClockworkQuill]

Pretty good. At somepoints, regardless of the formatting it read kind of like prose though.

Try getting rid of as many word as you can, expecially things like "the", "and" and "but". Also, don't be afraid to have phrases split between lines, or a comma or period in the middle of a line.

[Willow Lyric]

Beautiful and quite touching, to be honest. I love it, keep on writing.