The Rebel Army

• Artist: AlKedeshDerech
• Description: Sadly came the day
  Great sorrow we hath
  Our pride falls
  Our love falls
  Out rights fall
  Our freedom,falls
  We became slaves
  and they,out master
  We stood
  We fought
  We rebelled
  For days the rebel army march
  For days the rebel army stood there ground
  In days,crushed
  in days, defeated
  With pride they died
  with honor they fell
  For the world looked at us
  amazed at what we've done
• Date: 06/17/2011
• Tags: rebel army warfare fight

This is a poem i wrote about a year ago, imagining what if the USA became a dictatorship.

Comments

[Reneaphalias]

I think that all it needs is for there to be line breaks and new lines. The line:"Our freedom, falls" I would put a new line right before falls and make it a separate line. The same with " In days , Crushed" and "In days, defeated." And I would suggest using the stronger of the two lines only, and eliminating the second. Instead of using saying "Great sorrow, we hath," use "we have great sorrow." It fits better and would flow smoother. Other than that, pretty good!