• Butterflies gnawed at my stomach

    as I lay there staring at the ceiling.

    The whispers floated around the room

    as the girls talked

    through the night, to nervous to sleep

    Tomorrow would mark the first day of Basic Training

    Tomorrow would mark the end of our civilian lives

    Tomorrow would mark a new age for most of us

    Tomorrow we would all stop being us, and start being the soldiers we

    were training to become

    Tomorrow we would meet out Drill Sergeants

    Soon we would loose sight of who we were

    and many would break down by week eight

    There would be tears and sobbing

    and there would be those left behind in the dust

    There would be those who would not be able to graduate on time

    There would be those to injured to continue

    And others would give up

    But there would also be the special ones

    The ones that no matter how many times they were kicked down

    still got up and strove to do their best

    I would like to think I was one of those from the very start

    But that would not be the whole truth

    I watched others excel in everything they did, while I struggled.

    I cried a lot, because for once I was unable to contain it all
    But I never shattered, although I cracked a little numerous times,

    I watched others crack and shatter around me, but I held it in till

    the point of no return

    And then it happened,

    I failed to qualify with my beloved M4

    I would not graduate, I would not move on with everyone else

    I would be the one left in the dust

    I would have to watch them graduate

    I shattered,

    I shattered in front of my First Sergeant

    I shattered in front of the Drill Sergeants that

    I had come to respect so much

    I felt myself spiraling into the darkness

    I could not crawl out of it, I had spent the past seven weeks trying to keep up with everyone

    I cried,

    And Cried

    And Cried

    I could not stop

    It all came out, not just the past seven weeks, but the entire past four years

    That was bottled up inside me

    I had finally allowed it all out,

    And I felt free

    I was finally Free,

    It was only for a moment

    But it was a sweet moment of victory

    And will always cherish that memory