Despaired

• Artist: -chary queen of spades-
• Description: This poem describes the feeling some people (included me) have if everything is going wrong at the moment...
  This is my first submit ever but i want to get rated and commented fairly
  so comments and rates are very welcome~
• Date: 02/23/2012
• Tags: despaired feelings crying

I see through the window
There are only shadows
I can't see something bright
Because I don't miss the light
The sun goes under
And I don't wonder
The time passes away
I dont like my thoughts to say
About my emotions because I have
No trust I feel more like a slave
I try to hide it like everything is fine
At least the others should think it that's why I shine
I cry a lot and try not to show the tears
Wasn't happy since some years
Everything around me is dark
My hope sadly doesnt spark
There is not a way I can choose
To get away from problems, that means i lose
People around me see the cute girl
In real the darkness around me swirl
I wish i could make a real smile again
But i cant i am like the rain

Comments

[Lyon Memora]

It is an ncie poem but an ahrd one to write.
I am proud yo are an good poemer.
yuor viance Dann.
5/5

[-chary queen of spades-]

thank you so much =)
yeah its really tough, so tough that i am not able to do that =(
and oh yeah i am badly at grammar because my engshlish isnt the best one =S

[ShiningNeedleCastle]

This poem is very descriptive about how you really feel, and even though people see you as bright and happy, inside it's different.
The only problem for me is that 'I' isn't capitalized in the last and second-to-last sentence (I'm a grammar Nazi like that. XP) But everything else is beautiful. 5/5!

[-chary queen of spades-]

thank you and ok XD

[holyXcross]

i like your poem,its describe almost of my life but the different thing is....... mine just about the madness not the sadness...... what ever! 5/5!!!!
roll the next poem, Stephen!

[-chary queen of spades-]

thank you =)
and hmm... i wasnt sure how i should do the disription and i was thining on changing it but i cant DX
and yeah i wasnt sure about the end but still thank you
and thank you for the critism i try to do it better next time

[angelinalice]

I really like it. and this is jst from me so don't take this the bad way. Its great and stuff but every time I read it, the last sentence jst seems to come from no where. it doesn't really "work" with the theme of the poem. I don't really have any suggestions right now tho. but good job! 5/5! <3