• I believe that feeling is something you learn
    it is not a given
    many of you might disagree with me
    or went on disbelief when i told you this
    I've learned to feel sad, love and hatred

    i don't automatically love someone
    i don't feel a thing when my mother feed me
    i've always said i love her but
    the truth is
    i don't really know

    i come to reject all love
    getting almighty when they said they love me
    then the next day
    i abandon them

    ironically i like people base on my first impression
    i judge them
    base on how they look
    and decide if they are good or bad
    what is their hobbies, their characteristics?
    i decide it all when i first met them

    it was then when i learned more about them
    they were somewhat different from what i see them in
    i distant myself and look at them differently
    they did not met my expectation

    but what does this have to do with hatred?
    is it that due to this
    i trust them easily
    i was betrayed
    and betrayed them

    the boy i met
    i tell him my secret, my life story
    i expect him to keep it
    but the next day
    i told it to everyone
    in front of me
    and they all laugh at me

    it was a nasty feeling
    even though i told him all of those thing
    sarcastically, jokingly
    but all of those thing are sincere

    i began to hate him
    want to rip him in pieces
    wish that he were dead
    maybe not to that extreme
    but i did not want to see him
    and want my revenge

    but the boy is still clueless about what is going on
    he still text me
    but i wonder if all of those were truth
    then i began to distant myself
    i ignore and cut off contact with
    wishing that i never see him again

    what wrong on the story was
    that poor boy did nothing wrong
    the only thing that did is
    that i trusted him
    when i made up his character inside my mind

    till today
    i still hate him
    it just keep on growing
    but i don't want to hurt other
    so i did not block him
    but the boy keep contacting
    which draw me insane
    what is it that he want from me
    please disappeared from my life

    this is an disgusting feeling
    and thing that i do
    but i do not regret this
    regret that i've hurt someone