What is the love i worked so hard to attain?
is it really this farce looking back at me with black eyes threatening to drown me yet again?
is true love something that begets heartbreaking pain every which way I look,
an abusive mother whom tells me she loves me through broken bones, bruises and words that cut me down
a neglectful father who tells me he loves me by abandoning me and leaving me defenseless?
siblings who love me by ridiculing me, abandoning me, refusing to show me support, showing me every part of myself is absolutely worthless?
or is it the love i thought i desired beyond my family?
the love of friends that i cannot keep no matter how hard i try?
the love of romantic partners who hurt me repeatedly?
a type of hurt that makes me want to succumb to the dark inside of me and never swim for any light again?
is that love which i sought for true love?
is that what i fought so fervently for?
and if its not... then what is?
what do i do?
i am exhausted of hoping. i wish to stop struggling and fighting. i thought i finally reached the end of my struggle
and yet i did not.
is this an imitiation? i dont believe it is.
but i cant bring myself to believe love is this pain as well
i cant bring myself to believe love is this gravity of tarlike blackness that sinks me deep below.
but if it isnt... i cant fight to find it anymore.
im tired. and i think now more than ever
i just want to sink into black.
- Title: Love
- Artist: Rei Ameino
- Description: Just something I thought about today
- Date: 02/02/2021
- Tags: love
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