1001 Things U DONT wanna hear over a Star Destroyer intercom

[Takamura Kobayashi]

You Will Never Be A Man

Houston, we have a problem.

Unless You Are A Gentleman

 

[Derpzilla88]

Attention all personal. We are out of oreos. That is all.  

[Sayla-girl]

LEEEROOOOYYYYY JEEENNNKIIINNNSSS!!!!  

[Derpzilla88]

Attention all personel. Due to some poisioned fish we accidentally served earlier for dinner, our pilots are now sick and dying. Please don't panic. Does anyone know how to fly a Star Destroyer?  

[ElladanKenet]

Piett: Lord Vader, the Emperor's demanding you make contact with him.

Vader: Move the ship out of the asteroid field so that we can send a clear transmission.

Piett: That won't be necesairy, my Lord.

Vader: Say what?

Piett: We have no need for transmission anymore. No more static either.

Vader:... Okay, so let me get this straight. You claim to have solved all our transmission problems..... how?

Piett: By using carrier pidgeons.

Vader: Carrier pidgeons?

Piett: Carrier pidgeons, sir.

Vader: Isn't that a little outdated?

Piett: Of course not, sir. We have them equipped with long-range scanners, life support, and a .5 hyperdrive.

*Picks one up, displaying it, then throws it down the hangar chute* *We see it flying out of the hangar, as if it were a TIE fighter*

Piett: He'll take your message to Coruscant.

Vader: Hmm... well done. What about the big stuff?

Piett: Got that covered. *Pushes button*

*Putton activates raising blinds, which reveals an entire fleet of star-destroyer sized Pidgeons. In the background is a giant, white egg, under construction, orbiting a far off planet*

*Rebel fleet arrives and is ambushed by pidgeons*

*As they are pecked to death, their dying screams echo all over the comm units*

*A giant pidgeon carries over and flings an A-Wing into the bridge of the Executor, destroying it*

*The ship crashes into the Egg, exploding*

Vader:..... Shoulda used ImpEx...  

[Derpzilla88]

Intercom: So anyway, this guy comes up to me. I think his name was Crix Madine or something. Anyway, he comes up to me, we get some drinks, and he and I come up with this crazy idea. I give him a ton of Imperial plans, blueprints, and secrets. And he causes havoc for the Empire. We had a good laugh about that. It was even funnier when I gave him what he wanted.
Officer: Interesting story sir. But I have one question sir.
Intercom: What?
Officer: Is that red light supposed to be on?
Intercom: What?!  

[Darkened Angel]

Intercom: Attention, Lt. Smith, your hot pink heart boxers were found on the floor of the bridge.  

[x-kiri-kun-x]

Intercom: Mahna Mahna! do do do do do!  

[Darkened Angel]

Intercom: Attention passengers, this is your Captain speaking, this is my 1st time serving aboard a star destroyer as its commanding officer... I'M SCARED! I WANNA GO BACK TO GROUND DUTY!  

[Derpzilla88]

ABANDON SHIP!!!!!!!!  

[x-kiri-kun-x]

*snoring sounds*  

[Darkened Angel]

Captain: What the Hell do you mean we lost life support?  

[x-kiri-kun-x]

They will never know that I am secretly a Jedi master. Wiat, Oh crap!!! Who left that on!!!  

[elvisnake2]

Death by tray to you all!  

[x-kiri-kun-x]

Disco Fevah!!!!! *disco balls appear in every corridor and music plays*