1001 Things U DONT wanna hear over a Star Destroyer intercom

[Rendin Verta]

" And the winning lotto numbers are...."  

[Rendin Verta]

Ol' Palpy: Vader? What....what are you doing here?

Vader: There's a storm outside. I'm cold and scared D:

Palp: Well, come sit in my lap then. That's as good Sith lord. There there.

Vader: Can you tell me the story again?

Palp: *sigh* sure, why not. Once there was a big bad sith lord named Darth Vadaaah...and...oh..hello, Jacob.

Engineer: uuuh..I got a call about a broken vending machine?

Palp: Yeah, over there. * looks at intercom*....Everyone, this has been a drill. Please consume your suicide pills to add to the realism. That is all.  

[Sol Walker]

"We're out of Chupaquesos."  

[stellarmagic]

Intercom: "Welcome to the Aperture research and community entertainment center. Upon completion of the assigned tasks there will be cake."  

[Sol Walker]

"Good morning, Dave."  

[Darkened Angel]

Intercom: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. If you'll look out the port-side viewers, you'll see a rapidly approaching planet promising certain doom. To the starboard side are several enemy fighters raining Hell upon us...  

[Rendin Verta]

" What?! We're being chased by chuck norris!? oh...hello, crew"

*panic in the background*  

[Jaden_Ordo]

Vader: Luke... I... am your father...
Luke: Noooooo way! How did you know I like it kinky?!

Ten minutes later

Vader: You like that whip doncha b***h
Luke: You--

((I'm sorry I cant even finish writing this I'm laughing so hard))  

[Sol Walker]

"Attention all hands. Please move quickly and in an orderly fasion to the Starboard side of the Star Destroyer. Do not ask questions, do not panic. This has nothing to do with the Command Staff's efforts to avoid flying into a black hole due to the Incompetance of the Bridge Crew."  

[Darkened Angel]

Intercom: Life Support has encountered an error and needs to be shut down.  

[stellarmagic]

Intercom-Ship's Computer: "The reactor control computer has encountered a critical error and needs to be shut down. Please contact Kuat Drive Yards Tech Support to learn the proper shut down procedure..."

Techie: "Screw that!" *Sound of a computer being unplugged.

Intercom-Ship's Computer: "Danger, reactor containment failure immement."

Techie: "Oops."  

[Darkened Angel]

Intercom: ( blaring ) CANNOT FIND VOLUME CONTROL. PLEASE REINSTALL INTERCOM VOICE SYSTEM.  

[Rendin Verta]

"Hey chuck?"

"Yeah, frank?"

"What does "Self destruct" mean?"

"I dunno...try pressing the button"  

[Darkened Angel]

Officer 1: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking, OMG! WE'RE GONNA DIE!
Officer 2: Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot is drunk. Pay no attention to him. Everything is perfectly fine. ... I'm just kidding. GET TO THE ESCAPE PODS!  

[shotesu]

*BOOM*
Palpaine: what happen?
Darth vader: Someone set us up the bomb.(hooooh.)
Darth Vader: We get signal.(hooooh)
Palpatine: What?
Darth Vader: Main screen turn on.(hooooh)
general GREIVOUS: How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.
Palpatine: What you say?
general GREIVOUS: You are on the way to destruction. Make your time.
general GREIVOUS: HAHAHA.
Darth Vader: Master!(hooooh)
Palpatine: .......
Palpatine: Take off every 'Tie'.
Palpatine: You know what you doing.
Palpatine: for great injustice.
Palpatine: Move 'Tie'.

xd