Clara Brisk [D7 Victor/Mentor]- Accepted

[Chocolate_Blush]

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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Number #1334
Clara Brisk
Age 17
Victor & Mentor
District 7

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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PERSONALITY
Clara is bright and bubbly, but now, scarred for life. She love's most things, but, when it comes to violence, she would back away slowly. She seems like she would never hurt a fly, but, what's said and done, after she killed two to win. Clara will sing at the worse moments in time and can be a bit embarrassing. If she sees something bloodied, she will quickly try to help, even if it was someone trying to hurt her. She just can't stand seeing someone hurt. She’s more mature now, since she's gotten older, but that only means she has to act her age, and not cry in public, which, in her case, is a hard thing to do.

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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FAMILY TREE
Lara Brisk♥Mother♥34♥♀♥Dead
Jay Brisk♥Father♥26♥♂♥Dead
Locky Brisk♥Brother♥♂♥Dead

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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WINNING MOMENT
Clara almost screamed as she watched the rock she threw bounce off the sky, and hit Liam with such force that it went straight through his head. She bit her lip as the body hit the dirt with a silent thump. The rock continued to roll around and fall of the cliff. Clara bit back tears as she stepped back. One left... Clara walked backwards scanning the area; she knew Alessandra was here, somewhere. The moment Clara heard then small sound of approaching feet she spun around and almost bumped into a spear. She screamed in pain as it went through her stomach and collapsed on the ground, panting and crying. Alessandra smiled wickedly but let out a gasp as a rock went straight threw her eyeball, straight through the brain. The loud cannon went off twice, and that was when Clara realised, she had won. The rock had bounced back, like it did when it was in the sky. Clara still has a huge scar on her stomach.

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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FACE CLAIM
Ariana Grande

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[Chocolate_Blush]

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BIOGRAPHY
Clara's parents were young when they had her, about 17. She was pretty sure they met when they were small kids in school. But someone was jealous, someone else wanted to be with her mom, but, mom never allowed it.

Clara used to have a normal childhood, she used to be normal, but that all changed when her parents never came back from shopping. She and her brother didn't know what happened until someone told them. Their parents were murdered. Apparently they crossed the boundary, but, Clara knew her parent's would never do that. They wouldn't right? It must have been that guy who liked mom, who else would hurt them?

Clara then lived her life in fear, with her brother of course. When Clara turned nine her and her friends went out to have a small party but then the party was ambushed and her brother was killed, and Clara got a glimpse of the killer, and it was a man with blonde hair. That was when all the girly screaming and dashing for their lives happened. Apparently her brother was the only one killed that day, but, it wasn't only him, it was Clara's loving soul, because she had put 1 plus 1 together, and that man who killed her brother, had a crush on her mother, That’s when Clara knew, she would be next.

She spent the rest of her district seven life hiding. Staying away from danger. She saw the man twice enter her home with some large metal, but he then walked out not being able to find her. When he was long gone Clara ran for her life. She ran and ran until she was unseen. She just needed some time to think. She looked across from her at the boundary.. How she wished she could... wait... Clara let out a scream when she saw her parent's hanging from a tree, throat’s spilt, bellies ripped open. She turned away from the quickly and started to cry, she cried and cried until she could cry no more.

A few years later she was chosen in the reaping to be a tribute, and somehow became a victor. Clara is now a mentor for district 7.

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[a porg]

Alright, this is a good start. However, there are a few things I'd like you to change.

First, try fluffing out the personality and bio a bit more. Sometimes with personality it helps to think of how others see her and compare it to how she sees herself. The bio could be fluffed out by possibly talking about how her parents met. I also don't understand why the party was ambushed. It's easy to think that little details don't matter, but when creating a character, they matter quite a bit. Try thinking on the little things to expand these.

Secondly, there's a whole bunch of issues with grammar. Apostrophes (') should only be used to show possession of something, not show that there is more than one of something. There are also points where you use the wrong form of a word. English can be a pain with all of the words that sounds so similar but are spelt differently.

Please try to fix these things.  

[Chocolate_Blush]

Violet the Maestro

I've done the best i could with them now, i've edited them in word. I hope it's okay sweatdrop  

[a porg]

Chocolate_Blush

Violet the Maestro

I've done the best i could with them now, i've edited them in word. I hope it's okay sweatdrop

Much better. biggrin

Welcome to District Seven. May the odds be ever in your favor.