Everything is just kind of Blah

[Attic Cat]

Hello everyone I've been a guild member for quite a while but I didn't really post much so I'm sure quite of few of you when you notice a new post be all like.... Who is that girl? lol

Anyway, Things have been pretty blah for quite a while I suffer from anxiety and depression and I attempted to go back to school to chase my dreams. Especially now that I'm done having babies and they are all in school now (my kids range from 4 to 9 years old) and I have time to myself again. So I applied to an academic upgrading program at my local college and it was going good at first but due my husband not completing his end of the deal and not getting his side of the paper work done so we could have our kids in a before and after school care program at school... So making sure we had someone to watch the kids every morning before school and after was getting really stressful. With me being at home less then my hubby the home dynamics of my husband being the primary person to clean and look after the kids things there started to fall apart. The house became a huge mess and I feel we should be on an episode of hoarders since we emptied out his storage locker. At least I had an 80%'s in my classes to this sacrifice but it started to take it's toll on me and so in the second unit I was spending less time at school studying and more at home picking up the slack at home that my hubby clearly wasn't doing, in his defense he does work a full time job.

My grades slipped to the point I flunked out of my math class and I had to retake my chemistry test and almost flunked out of that class as well... In the program you have two chances to pass the test and if you fail twice you can no longer continue in that class and removed. I had a serious talk with my hubby about how I was feeling and he agreed to try harder but part way through the third unit nothing was changing and I ended up dropping out of the program. My anxiety was all over the place and I've sunk into a depression that I am having a hard time getting the motivation to do anything at all and I feel a lot of resentment towards my husband. I raised his kids as a single parent for 6 years before we finally moved in together and got married. It leaves me wondering why he couldn't manage being the primary caregiver long enough for me to finish school (which would be 2 - 3 years) so I could go after a job that I would love and help better financially support our family?

I'm just really depressed and I'm not sure what to do and I feel like I'm drowning.  

[Forelourne]

Attic Cat

Well I'm certainly no therapist but at least we can support each other from afar, and let me start by saying GOOD FOR YOU! Sometimes you need to remember the good in life and the accomplishments you have made, not just the bad stuff. You're a mother to multiple kids and have put your education on hold to give them a higher quality of life (cleaning up around the house, making sure someone is watching over them, etc). Not many people can do that for themselves, let alone for multiple spawn running around.

To top that, you've been doing it for, what, 6 years solo? You've gotten really far, and even though grades may be slipping and you have to retake some of them, you've done so much already. Of course if you have to get a job on top of all of that it could be more stressful, and it sounds like right now you need to take a little of that TLC and apply it to yourself- give yourself a break and don't force yourself to start a job on top of everything else unless it's dire (or at least wait until classes end).

Hopefully your husband will help out a little more around the house, but be prepared in case it doesn't happen. Maybe you could make some kind of switch-off system where a couple days a week he takes the kid to a park or something so you can study? I can't really say much more beyond that, but if you want to rant or complain I'd be happy to listen
surprised