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 Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:43 am
A person stands on a hill to comprise.
The world reflected in his eyes.
Beggars in the street
Children with not enough to eat
Women unequally equal
Struggling students attempting to finish their life sequel
Fires unwarranted burn
Rich people know not how to discern
Truth from lies; media manipulation.
Corrupted from government communication.
The person standing on the hill is a titan of fire
In his eyes, burns society's secret desires.
"For dramatic social change, price must be paid."
It only takes one voice for a rebellion to be raised.
Who dares to speak as the world gets worse?
We all want change, but who will speak first?
---
Please tell me what you think. Thank you.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 8:52 pm
It's pretty good, but the first line kind of threw me off. I'm not sure what is being being referenced to by "comprise." Comprise means "to include or contain; to consist of; be compsed of; to form or constitute." I don't know if I missed what you were trying to say in the first line, or if it was supposed to be something else.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:32 pm
I liked the idea behind it all. How much people need to change. How little it would take if someone were truly passionate about it. Very well thought out.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:13 pm
Kali Eyad It's pretty good, but the first line kind of threw me off. I'm not sure what is being being referenced to by "comprise." Comprise means "to include or contain; to consist of; be compsed of; to form or constitute." I don't know if I missed what you were trying to say in the first line, or if it was supposed to be something else. I think I was misspelling something. I don't even remember what I was thinking as I wrote it. Then again...I was bored in Sociology of Deviance, so some of the thoughts may not have been truly coherent. I'm happy you liked it, though.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:14 pm
Rutoh-Chan I liked the idea behind it all. How much people need to change. How little it would take if someone were truly passionate about it. Very well thought out. Thank you for liking it. whee
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Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 11:21 pm
Titan_of_Fire59 Kali Eyad It's pretty good, but the first line kind of threw me off. I'm not sure what is being being referenced to by "comprise." Comprise means "to include or contain; to consist of; be compsed of; to form or constitute." I don't know if I missed what you were trying to say in the first line, or if it was supposed to be something else. I think I was misspelling something. I don't even remember what I was thinking as I wrote it. Then again...I was bored in Sociology of Deviance, so some of the thoughts may not have been truly coherent. I'm happy you liked it, though. I did like it. The ideas were great. I just kept getting distracted with figuring out the first line. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 10:48 am
I really like it but the beginning confused me a little. Also I can relate a little to the poem, but I don't think I'm going to say why.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:16 pm
I haven't had a lot of time to be on here...but I think I have to fix the beginning so no one is confused.
The problem is that I have no idea what I was trying to say. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 9:13 pm
I think maybe you could change the hill part possibly that would help to not confuse people because it confused me when the person started to talk or think about the many things.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 9:51 am
I liked it for the most part. dont make a point of using bigger or less common words because i believe you used at least one incorrectly
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 11:25 am
anime roy I liked it for the most part. dont make a point of using bigger or less common words because i believe you used at least one incorrectly Could you be kind and point out where I did that? Thank you.
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