[prp] a quiet despair

[Lethrossen]

Azima shifred and grunted, rolling to his other side. He was in a den, small, very close to his parents den. He couldn't stay there obviously, with the burst of more siblings that he was a little sickened by. So he'd chosen this spot. It was a bit damn and musty but he only needed it to sleep. He slept most of his days away, lately.

He shifted and moved himself up, half dragging himself to the entrance. He sat a moment, leaning against the cold, dirt wall. He did not want to go outside today! His eyes flickered and he squinted as they roamed the sunny scene in front of him.

He did not want to do much of anything, to be honest.

he had to, he had to! He was starving and his mother had refused to bring him meat. She'd said he needed to keep active, to get over what he was feeling right now. She hadn't been unkind about it, of course. Not like his father, whom was actually glad that he'd come back to the Kusini lands in despair. His father was sickened by him and he knew it, and was hurt by it.

He'd learned to ignore that though, learned to ignore a lot. He'd been out a day or two after his horrible run-in with Roho and had even interacted with others! But it had just gotten to be too much, this seemed much safer and much duller and what he thought he needed.

He sighed and dragged himself into the open, shutting his eyes as he did so. It was disgustingly hot out and the sun was too bright, he could already feel a headach coming on.

Ignoring it he started to the short but dreadful walk toward the Kusini watering holes. What was he to do?  

[Kaytla]

This was exactly why he didn't travel.

He was up and moving around in his second day in the Kusini lands, and he was finding it practically impossible to find who he was looking for because this place was simply too big! He wouldn't be surprised if he'd only managed to explore a tiny, tiny little bit of the Kusini lands. He knew he was in the right place, as a helpful stranger had told him so, but surely these lands had to be bigger than the Pridelands, or near enough, to hide such a brightly-coloured lion from him. It wasn't a good thought at the best of times, but he really had to find Azima. Now.

After meeting Wahabu and striking up a friendship, he'd had an epiphany of sorts later that day, after they had parted ways and his new friend carried on looking for his other friend, Kubwa. Roho had used his brain for once and compared the differences between his feelings of friendship for the two lions, and he'd come to a startling revelation. He'd never before paid much mind to how he looked forward to seeing Azima each time as soon as they had become friends. And he'd somehow managed to miss how appealing to the eye he found the other male to be; the colour of his fur, hs mane, even his eyes - all these things were, well... attractive to Roho. He had just been too naive to realise the subtle differences between appeal and appeal.

But he was determined not to be that way any more. What Azima had said to him when they had last been together had opened his eyes to a different kind of relationship, one better than friendship. He had thought it was all one-sided at the time, and so had rightfully felt a little bit shocked and maybe even daunted, but now he was sure it wasn't. He was sure he thought of Azima as more than a friend, and he just couldn't bear to let it go without seeing what could come of these feelings they both had. But by not coming here to try and repair the damage, he wouldn't only lose the chance at something more with Azima, he'd lose their friendship as well, and that thought made it go beyond unbearable.

So that was why he was here now, wandering through unfamiliar territory, on the lookout for any splash of red and black in the distance. But it was tiring work, this ceaseless moving, and so when he caught the scent of water on the wind, he decided to follow it to refresh himself. He'd only moved about ten paces, however, when another scent caught his attention. He would recognise Azima's unique smell anywhere, and he was so relieved, he completely forgot about his drink. He was off in a run, bounding through the grass, following that scent to find the one he sought.

It didn't take long to get Azima in view, and as he slowed down, he felt a pang of guilt. Azima looked... depressed. He knew it was his fault for being so stupid. He couldn't help it, but that didn't make him feel any better. Still, he hoped that today would lift Azima's spirits, or he suspected the both of them would go back to moping around their pride lands. But if he thought about Azima rejecting him, he knew he would end up losing his nerve before he got close and high tail it out of there. He couldn't think negatively or else he'd never manage to say what needed to be said. Forcing a bright smile onto his face - fake because of how he was feeling, but he gets points for trying - he picked up speed again.

When he was close enough, as Azima had done to him, he leapt at the smaller male, pouncing him as he called out, "Azima!" If Azima had managed to say what he had by starting off this way, perhaps it would help Roho, too. At least, that was the big male's logic on the matter. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima was staring down at himself as Roho caught his scent and was making a mad dash this way. He had a small frown on his face, trying to figure out what was wrong with how he looked. Almost as though he could only see a shell of the handsome lion that used to be in it! His tail flicked and he took a deep breath and then started to hold it, thinking as hard as he could. To get as pretty as he was before he'd have to stop being so sad, he knew that... but how to stop that sadness?

There was always moving on but now he just felt awkward about the whole liking other males thing and he wasn't stupid enough to tricking himself to being with a lioness, that was still to disgusting in his mind. Maybe he could--

Azima! Oh his heart hurt! Why was he hearing Roho here of all places? Cruel were the gods who played tricks of sound on those heart broken! He exhaled the breath in a very gasping manner before he continued to hear Roho's voice, speaking of looking for him.

Just as he turned to see if his ears deceived him a golden male landed on him in a tackle! His eyes were wide and his heart hammering as he landed on his back with a slight wheeze of breath. Roho was much heavier than him, but he... he knew he meant no harm.

His bright blue eyes floated over Roho's form, drinking it in. He wanted to rub up against his light cream colored mane! He wanted to take in Roho's scent and... oh this hurt!

"W-why are you here?" He said quietly, mouth slightly open and breath slightly haggard. He couldn't be calm. Roho... could this mean... oh god!  

[Kaytla]

He realised he was much bigger than Azima, and therefore heavier, so he had the common sense about him to relieve his friend of his weight as soon as he had come out of the momentum of the pounce. He lifted himself up, so he was more sitting over Azima, with the red male between his front paws for the moment. "I wanted to see you, of course," he replied, gazing down at Azima. Oh, but it was good to see him again. He'd been so afraid that he never would.

But he guessed... now it was time to tell him. But, damn, it was so hard to do that. What if Azima was so upset that he didn't want it any more? What would he do then? He'd only just discovered this feeling within himself. It would hurt almost as much as losing Azima from his life to have that feeling denied him. But he had to say it... or else he would never know what would become of it.

"I missed you. And you were so upset when you left..." He frowned, and it was obvious from the expression on his face and in his eyes that he'd been upset as well. "I wanted to make you feel better again. And to apologise for being wrong about everything."

And he had been so very wrong. He hadn't recognised what his own feelings meant because of his naivety, and that had caused Azima suffering. He wouldn't forgive himself for that until Azima forgave him first.

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima's eyes widened more and he couldn't help the purr that was rumbling through his chest, regardless if he was still trying to stay mad at Roho or hate him or try and push away the feelings he'd previously admitted to. How could he do that? Roho seeking him out could only mean one thing... the big dummy had realized he had liked azima after all! And how could you stay mad in those circumstances?

Make him feel better again? A frown flickered across his face but he dismissed it. Roho was doing the best he could, Azima knew he couldn't word things the way he, himself would. But good, he apologized and that made Azima feel very warm.

"Ah so.." But he suddenly felt very shy. Did that mean Roho liked him more than a friend now? It must have! Azima grinned and shifted, twisting himself up with his paws wrapping around Azima's neck, giving his nose a big lick. Oh Roho better mean that he shared the same feelings.  

[Kaytla]

Roho's eyes widened nearly comically as Azima wrapped his paws around his neck and even licked his nose. Roho had never shared this kind of intimacy with anyone, or even thought about it (indeed, he probably only recognised it for what it was because of Azima's earlier confession, and because of what he had discovered about himself), and his naivety made him almost innocent about such things.

But now that he'd done what he'd come here to do (it looked to him as though Azima had figured it out pretty quickly, a lot quicker than he had), he didn't really know what to do next, and he flushed under his fur. "Um..." Roho was the kind of lion who took things as they came to him, one step at a time. Thinking ahead wasn't his strong point.

Unsure of himself, but feeling as though he needed to do something, he took cues from the other male and tentatively leaned down to nuzzle lightly against Azima's neck. He had a bit of an irrational fear that he was reading things wrong, just a bit of unwelcome nerves.

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima started to chuckle, feeling exuberant about all of this. "It's about time you big dummy." He teased softly, returning the nuzzle slightly. After a moment though he slipped just a bit away from Roho, sitting and slowly looking around. Ah, no one was around. Which was mostly good. He wasn't embarrassed it was just... half of his family didn't know about he and other boys and well... his father would probably have a fit.

"So you came here.." He glanced sideways at Roho. "I'm surprised you found your way through. That forest can be confusing.." He wasn't sure why he was going on about the forest, probably to postpone figuring out what they were to do next.  

[Kaytla]

The big, dopey male was forced to smile ruefully, because he had to agree that it was time he stopped being so naive so he could figure these things out in time in the future. It would have saved the both of them a lot of moping around feeling sorry for themselves. With a guilty expression, he nodded his head. "I really am sorry. I should have realised sooner."

One ear flicked and he looked around in the direction he had come, vaguely toward the forest. Sure, it had been tricky getting through, but somehow he'd managed. He wasn't quite sure how, but so long as he did and he'd managed to get here to say what needed to be said, that was all that counted. "Um... I guess you can always be surprised by what you can do when you have purpose. Or something like that."

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima blinked and smirked, just nodding slowly. He really didn't have to be that sorry, the red adolescent was just pleased he'd changed his mind in the end and decided he shared the same feelings! Ah but... that would probably mean following Roho back to his homelands.

He certainly didn't want Roho staying here with his crazy relatives and homophobic father! "Er I think... I have to go speak with my parents. About... leaving." He was hesitant because he wasn't sure if Roho would even want him to go, but he would go no matter what! But why wouldn't Roho want him to come to the pridelands? Azima was being foolish, they loved each other so it was a sensible thing to live in the same place!  

[Kaytla]

As Azima mentioned leaving, Roho blinked in surprise. Roho's stupidity was partially back, because while he realised by some grace of the gods that that meant Azima would come to the Pridelands with him, he had somehow managed to not expect that to happen. He had considered that his journey here would be a one-way trip, if Azima really wanted that... but he had more thought to return home while Azima continued living where he was. How he had expected this long-distance love relationship to work out was a mystery, but it was sort of typical of him to think that it would. It seemed the easiest thing for both of them, to live where they were most familiar and comfortable with the surroundings.

"Leave?" he asked, clearly surprised. "I thought you'd want to stay at home... It's ok if you do." There came his sweetness, his kindness, his tone reassuring as though he thought Azima thought staying in the Kusini or asking Roho to make his visit permanent would be a bad thing.

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima stared at him for a moment and suddenly whapped him with a paw. "Of course I don't want to stay here!" He said, looking appaled. And then he grinned, nipping his ear and tugging. "C'mon, have to go when my father isn't around." He didn't explain this at all; would never explain it.

"I... I don't really like it here." He said slowly, glancing back at Roho as he took a few steps forward. "It's nice and everything but I don't feel content." No, he felt more content in the pridelands to be honest.

That and his family would be leaving these parts soon, not that he had knowledge of this.  

[Kaytla]

Roho flinched, more out of surprise than pain, as he was whacked by his new... mate's paw. His eyes widened, and he blinked comically. He had just assumed Azima would want to say his goodbye's, if he was serious about leaving this pride for a new life elsewhere. He knew he would. But then again, he didn't know anything about Azima's family, and so he couldn't really say what Azima should or shouldn't do. He didn't get a chance to comment, anyway, before Azima was tugging on his ear, forcing Roho to laugh quietly. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

As he followed along behind Azima, listening to the other speak, it started to make sense more. He supposed it really wasn't fair to yourself to stay in a place where you weren't happy, even if all your family was there. "Is there anywhere you do feel content?" He hoped Azima said the Pridelands. He hoped very hard for that. But he knew... if Azima named some other place, he would allow himself to be taken away from his pride. He had already tasted what it was like to have Azima out of his life, and he wouldn't go through that again for anything. Besides... he could always visit.

 

[Lethrossen]

He blinked and eyed the big male and rolled his eyes, grinning. "I feel content with you." He said simply, implying they would live where Roho wanted. Which meant the pridelands. Ah but... maybe he should make it more clear? "The pridelands are stunning and since that is your home if you don't want to leave it I will live there with you." His tail flicked and it lightly brushed against Roho's as they walked.

He was bringing them toward his mother's den, hoping his father would be busy with his younger siblings so that he could tell her about Roho and then bid her farewell!  

[Kaytla]

Roho got a big case of the warm fuzzies, listening to Azima speak. He was so happy and relieved that things were good between them again, but he hadn't expected them to be this good so quickly. Truthfully, he hadn't even expected them to become mates, despite what he had come to say. That just... didn't factor into his thoughts. But he pushed down his surprise and took it valiantly in stride, because it was what he wanted... despite his naivety about love and everything that came with it.

"Thank you, Azima." His voice was soft and heartfelt. It did mean a lot to him that Azima was willing to go wherever he wanted to live. He didn't want to leave his family, but had simply assumed he would. It meant a lot that Azima allowed him to stay with them. Of course... Azima probably agreed to it just so he could get away from his own family, but Roho just didn't allow himself to see it that way. Or wasn't aware enough to. One of the two.

 

[Lethrossen]

Azima grinnd, they were almost in front of the den now. "And now time to meet my mother... I hope my father isn't around... if he is then I'm sorry in advanced... and then we can go!" He sure was in a rush... and sort of springing information on Roho.

He glanced back and just beamed at the other though, it was obvious who was 'in control'.