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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:03 pm
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x- Spazz Muffin -x Captain
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:07 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:49 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:26 pm
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Better to have helped you and let you win,
I've tried writing novels before, I can never get past the first few paragraphs because I get bored. I used to love writing, though. Now I just don't have the energy/time to make myself start writing again.
I've only read the prologue but it's quite good. Some grammer/spelling mistakes as well as a few fragments that I think would sound better together, but that's okay. I was confused about her name, though. Is her full name Kiri P. Emikit? I don't really understand that part about Kiri being her nickname since it is already her first name, unless people are referred to by their full names in your story.
After she screams, I think it would be nice it you mentioned that she got knocked out or something, so that saying "she slowly woke up" would make more sense.
I also think that you could be more descriptive in "old fashion letters", because when people read that, different pictures are going to appear in their heads. You could add something like "old fashion letters, like the ones that you see on old, run-down stores".
I really like the beginning of your story, and I think that I will subscribe and continue reading. I would love to offer more constructive criticism if you think it helps you, so let me know if you do. And if you actually do, do you want me to comment on that entry?
than never to have touched your skin.
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:32 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:04 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:18 am
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x- Spazz Muffin -x Captain
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:33 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:36 am
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x- Spazz Muffin -x Captain
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Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:29 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:16 pm
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x- Spazz Muffin -x Captain
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:17 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:20 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:22 pm
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