Goodnight to you | Page 1 | Poetry | Guild Forums

Honeydukes Lover

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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:48 am

Riding along on the dark side of the road,
Walking to my humble abode.
The light in my head has gone dim.
I haven't an idea of this or that,
Can't see anything but my hat.

I feel like I'll fall,
Just right there lose it all.
The feelings weirder than ever.
I've never felt this way.
I think that I'm starting to sway.

Someone must help me,
Come take it upon thee
To help the girl about to fall.
I think I will anyway.
Goodnight to you, for letting me faint.

Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 6:02 pm

Well, I liked it.

The only thing that got me was how it had a "Formal" approach and then all of a sudden it's "Hey".
Then again, there is a way to view it as the Formality is a beauty and the "Hey" is a balance with reality.
Either way, I liked it.
But I would have liked more detail on what is wrong with her.
Alas, that is because I am Literately greedy.
;D

Emilem

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Honeydukes Lover

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Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 7:15 pm

Emilem

Well, I liked it.

The only thing that got me was how it had a "Formal" approach and then all of a sudden it's "Hey".
Then again, there is a way to view it as the Formality is a beauty and the "Hey" is a balance with reality.
Either way, I liked it.
But I would have liked more detail on what is wrong with her.
Alas, that is because I am Literately greedy.
;D

I kinda made it rhyme, when the rest of it didn't. I saw that this was weird, so I changed it slightly, as you may see.

And as for what's wrong with her....I was thinking either hurt/dizzy, drunk with no ride, or just broke up with someone at their house and now has no ride.

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