谢谢大家。 3nodding
Ok, so anyway, I'm going to set this place up. There will be a table of contents, first one, of course, is always the chapters.
1-Chapters
2-News
3-Reviews
4-Other good fan fictions you should read.
5-Rule(s)
Chapters
Quote:
Chapter One
Kidnapped
Kidnapped
I had been staring out into the blue sky of my bedroom window. The sun had been shining very brightly, and the sound of birds had twittered in the air. ‘Hmm....another bad omen’ I had thought. The sun disgusted me as it does now. Although my skin had been slightly tanned, I hated the warmth and sunlight I still do. That didn't matter much that day though. A few days before then, I had just come of age, and became a woman, and my parents had finally found someone whom I could be married off to. Unfortunately, I had to stand outside all day at the party.
In the Italian Bronze Age, no one took women legitimately. We had been treated like slaves for men. The only thing what we had been good for was being married off and connecting two great families together. Mother and Father, who were of the first class, had already decided whom to give me to. As Mother always said, “It is for the good of the family, and the good of the Volturi name.” Of course, I was unhappy. But, despite that, I tried to hide my dislike and did my best to make everyone around me happy. I didn’t want anyone to hate me, even though I was a woman, I wanted to be more useful than that.
I lived in the palace, where Mother, Father, and I had spent our whole lives. The palace had been passed down, from generation to generation, in our family. It was in the middle of a small town of peasants and farmers. The small town was the only human settlement in the Tuscan Mountains. Our palace was a grand white castle that you can spot from a few acres away to even out of the town. In fact, I think was the only building in this whole town. Most of the peasants and farmers in that day and age had unified under a new culture known as Apennine. It’s recognized by its pastoral and agricultural settlements. All I ever saw was sheep and their shepherds out in the fields.
There was a great feast at the party. Both families, mine and my unknown fiancée’s, were there that day to celebrate the upcoming marriage. The palace had been decorated with white mountain lilies and other exotic flowers. Even the pillars were stripped of their usual décor, and had been decorated with white flowers. The party guests had walked through the big iron gates then crowded the little stone walkway of the palace. I’ve never seen so many people at the gates.
I was looking down on the guests, from my balcony, for I was still changing into an evening gown to wear. My sullen eyes had stared down on the people with much indifference. A fat, corpulent man was gulping down all the wine at the winery table. There were women in the crowd, gossiping with one another in their nasal, brittle voices. ‘Hmph,’ I had thought’ tramps’.
My wandering eyes had stopped to stare at a man standing by the iron gates. This man wore a long black cloak, and was, as if carefully, standing only in the shadow made by the palace walls. His skin looked pale white, and had great contrast between his garments. But that wasn’t what attracted my attention to him. He had the same exact face as my brother.
My body had frozen in shock.
Was it him? No, it couldn’t be. He went missing fifteen years ago. But as I continued to stare down at the man, he just looked so much like my brother.
I had to see him.
As quickly as I could, I slipped into a silky purple dress, and tied up my long, wavy, black hair into a bun. A few strands were still hanging out from the bun, but that didn’t matter right then. I had hurtled out of my room and ran down the hall. Surprised servants had looked at me with their shocked expressions. The servants pressed up against the walls to let me through. One slave dropped a vase, and the sound of its shattered pieces echoed through the hallway. One of my maids shouted, “Milady!” But I ignored them. On the stairs, I skipped every step so I could get down faster. On the last one though, I tripped and fell flat on my face, onto the marble floor. My hands pushed my torso up from the floor, “Ugh…”
My hair was ruined, but what did I care. Swiftly, I got up again. When I reached the main entrance, I shoved the large wooden doors open and they had hit the white pillars with a loud bang. The crowd assembled outside broke into silence, and stared at me with surprised expressions. Ignoring them, I had lifted up my long flowing dress with my hands as I skittered down the white steps of the palace. Then I ran towards the gates.
He had to be there, he just had to be.
People scurried out of my way as I hurtled into the crowd. I passed the orchards, passed the terrace. As I finally reached the big iron gates, my feet came to an abrupt stop. There was no one there. My eyes darted around, left and right, trying to find the mysterious man who looked so much like my brother. I breathed in uneven breaths.
No…
Staring at the big white walls that surrounded the palace, I whispered in a voice full of despair, “Aro…”
My head sank down in shame and embarrassment. It was just my imagination. I was so stupid. That wasn’t like me. How could I have rushed out like an angry bull, and come out there thinking that my brother was here? I was making everyone unhappy because of me. Sighing in defeat, I returned to the palace.
Apologizing to the now sullen crowd, I had introduced myself to them. They had lightened up and greeted me with kind smiles. Even though I deserved no kindness, I returned their smiles with a sad one of my own. People greeted me here and there, glad that they got to meet the future lady of the house. There were tables of fruits and meat inside the palace walls. But I only grabbed a goblet of wine. My appetite was lost. Sipping a little here and there, I mingled with the party guests, and greeted some relatives I’ve never met before. My façade was wearing down; I was too depressed that day. Usually, I would love parties. But this one signified my arranged marriage. After I’d finished my drink, I set the goblet down onto one of the tables, and went to sit in one of the benches in the orchards.
Mother came up to me that evening and said, “Didyme, my dear daughter. You should be more happy. You are going to be married. Stop spouting your clever words, to entertain everyone else. You yourself must be happy. You are finally a woman, Didyme. Your nature was much better than your foul brother’s. Come, come and meet your future husband.”
My missing brother, Aro, had run away a few years ago. He’s thirteen years older than I. Indeed, he was a demon. He had an evil nature. His greediness had always gotten him into trouble. Aro wasn't greedy for money however... it was for power. He was never content. But, I loved my brother still. I hadn’t seen him for fifteen years. At the time, my best presumption was that he was dead. Oh, I had missed him so much.
After everyone had went home, Mother, Father, and all the servants had gone to sleep. I lay awake in bed, thinking about my whole life: childhood, adolescence, and my new adulthood. I did not like it. I did not want to be married and given away. I didn’t even like my fiancée. He was an ugly man with a stubborn face. Why did I have to be married now? Couldn’t Mother and Father wait a few years, at least, for me to become… closer to this man? Though the thought disgusted me, at least it would make Mother and Father seem less ignorant to me. Filled with frustration, I got out of bed and decided to go out and take a walk in the orchards.
It’s quite quiet that night. The only sounds were the sounds of my footsteps upon the marble walkway of the orchards. I had looked up at the starry night sky. There were many stars out that night. When I had reached the middle of the orchards, there were some fireflies floating just above the fountain. Water had trickled down the stone fountain, making a quiet splash into the small pool. Sitting down on the edge of the fountain, I lifted my head and looked up as I gazed into the stars.
A few moments later, someone grabbed my shoulder. I screamed and, in a blurred motion, a white hand went up to cover my mouth. I looked up at the man with panicked eyes, and then I gasped in disbelief at who it was. He had black hair and had father’s face, except for his eyes. Mother’s eyes were covered in shadows because of the darkness. He was smiling at me and whispered, “Hello Didyme.” Then he let his hand off my mouth.
My lips twisted into a happy and surprised smile. It wasn’t my imagination. He was there! My brother was there at the party after all. He’s not dead I had thought! Aro had come back!
“Aro! My brother, what are you doing here?! You nearly scared me half to death.” I continued to stare at him. It looked as if Aro had risen from the dead. The last time I saw him, he didn’t seem this fair and beautiful. And, where he touched my shoulder, was still cold as ice. Something had changed.
“All in good time, dear sister.” Then he grabbed my left hand and held it in his for a long moment. His eyes closed, and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. This was strange, he never usually did this.
“My brother, why are you holding my palm?” I tried to pull it away, but Aro held on to it very tightly. He was so… strong.
After a few moments, he finally opened his eyes, and smiled, “Nothing of course, Didyme.” He held onto my hand, and smiled.
My mind was filled questions. Where was he in those past few years? Why did he run away? Why did he look so different? What happened to him?
And, as if he read my mind, he chuckled and said, “I was starting up a… group of my own, and I ran away to fulfill my dreams, Didyme. Forgive me if this made you unhappy.” He laughed softly, “I know I look very… strange to you. But, I didn’t rise from the grave.” He chuckled darkly and then continued, “Trust me dear sister, all your other questions will be answered in good time.”
Aro gently tugged my arm and pulled me out of the orchards. We were heading toward the front gate in less than a second. How did he become so fast?
“Aro, where are you taking me?”
“To my home.” He smiled back reassuringly at me.
“Shall we not tell Mother and Father?”
That stopped him short. He paused for a moment, and then said, “I don’t think they’ll be that useful. They are very old…..” Then he started walking again. When we reached the gate, I was about to tell him that the gates would be locked but, as I looked closer, I saw that the locks had broken.
Aro and I marched out into the streets. I stared up at him in disbelief and asked, “Did you break the locks on the gates?” But he didn’t answer.
In two seconds, he had pulled me up and put me on his shoulders. My arms were dangling on his back, and he started running. My eyes widened at his speed. Everything we passed by was so blurry.
“How long do I have stay until you take me home?”
Again, he smiled at me. “I’m not taking you home, dear sister.”
My face became a cold mask, “…What do you mean I’m not going home?”
“You are living with me from now on.”
He didn’t seem to be lying, and he seemed very confident about it. My hands balled up into fists and I yelled at him, “What?! NO! Have you lost your mind, Aro? I don’t even know where ‘home’ is to you. You take me back to Mother and Father!” I tried to shove him, and make him put me down, but that only gave me bruises. “Aro, put me down now!”
Aro glanced back at me but didn’t break him pace. “I’m sorry but you have no other choice.” He looked back at me, with his eyes only a few inches away from mine.
Then I gasped. His eyes… they were bright crimson red, the color of blood.
I whispered quietly, “My brother, what are you?” Aro stopped running and stopped in the middle of the street. There was a small hole in the ground; I cringed away from it. I'm scared of the dark. And I thought the hole probably went a long way down too. He pulled me down from his shoulder and held me in mid-air above the hole. I looked at him in panic.
“Something that you’ll become very soon.” He smiled one last time, and then sank his teeth into the crease of my elbow. I froze in shock. What was he doing?! Had he become a cannibal?! It took only a second for a pain to creep into my arm. Then I was on fire. A high pitched scream escaped out of my lips. My elbow was on fire! It burned, and burned! I screamed at him, “What did you do to me?!! Why am I burning?!!!! Make it stop! Make it stop!!!” Aro ignored my screams.
He dropped me into the small hole. I fell into the dark. I hyperventilated and screamed even more. I hate the dark, and the fire had made it even more frightening. I couldn’t stop screaming. As I had continued to fall, the pain had spread throughout my whole entire arm. Then, my body had landed smack onto the cold, rough stone floor. But it was still dark. My gasps and whimpers had echoed into the dark. Where was I? Aro landed next to me quickly. He picked me up again, and started running through the dark. I had no sense of where I was. All I did was scream.
Chapter Two
Tortured
Tortured
I don’t know how long it was. Hours? Days? Weeks? But time ceased to mean anything to me now. I knew I was going to die. My body was lying on a small bed, and it couldn’t stop shaking from the fire that had blazed through me. My screams wouldn’t stop. I was only aware of a few presences that came in and out of the room. Every time someone came in, I shrieked at them, “Please! Please! I beg you-please kill me!!!” But they would always ignore my pleas.
Aro had put me in a small stone chamber. It seemed like a dungeon… it was cold, and there and was barely any light. This room was just like the dark tunnel where he first brought me. Cold, dark, and frightening. There was also a strange odor in the room, like some sort of salt, or a slightly rusty smell in the air. He had lain me down on a bed. Then he left me there and didn’t come back. I clawed the empty air with my hands, desperate to make him come back to me. This was a nightmare; it had to be just a really horrible dream. Aro wouldn’t do that to me. He’s my brother. This was just a really bad dream. Please, I thought, just let me wake up from this nightmare. But as I continued to lie to myself, I knew it was no use. It was too real.
Just when I thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, the flames had spread into my heart, and through my entire body, in a matter of seconds. I’d never felt that much pain in my entire life. Being married off seemed a much better option now than this.
My mind, however, was unbearably clear, and all I could think about was the fire as it burned through my chest, my legs, and my throat. Screams escaped from my mouth, non-stop. I writhed in pain, lying in darkness.
Mother and Father’s faces were in my mind. Why was I so naïve? If I had just accepted the fact that I would be a woman, a man’s wife, and nothing more, would I still be in this pain? Had the gods punished me for not knowing my place? Tears poured down my face as I continued to think of them. I wanted to go back home, to go back to the comforts of Mother and Father. Nothing could justify going through this pain.
It seemed like forever. The fire didn’t decrease by any degree. Not only that, but the pain never paused either. Strangely, I became stronger as time dragged on. The screams stopped; it never did any good to scream. Soon enough, I could think around the pain. There were faint voices talking, far away, outside the stone chamber.
“Aro, this is ridiculous. Must we leave her to suffer in pain? Why don’t we just devour her? She begs us to kill her, why not grant her wish?”
“Dear Caius, it would be a waste to kill her. I’ve waited for ten years until now, just so I could change her. I guarantee you that Didyme will have great powers like mine.”
The man snarled, “If you insist on letting her live, then make yourself useful and find some food for us all. I’m starved.”
I heard no more.
Later in the day, someone else had walked in. Their quiet footsteps echoed on the walls of the chamber. They didn’t leave like the others. They just walked to my bedside. I didn’t open my eyes to see who it was. Even though I had stopped screaming, I was still in too much pain to open them. Was it Aro? I waited a moment for them to say something. There was no response.
I whispered quietly, “Aro?”
A man answered in a musical voice, “No, I am not your brother.”
I frowned. It wasn’t Aro. It was a stranger. Whoever he was though, he continued to stand there, next to my bedside.
“If… you… are not… Aro… then please kill me.”
The man sighed, as if he knew exactly how much pain I was in, “I’m sorry. I know this is quite painful. But it will be over soon.” Then he said nothing else.
I clenched my teeth. This was such a waste of my time. Will none of my desires be fulfilled? I can’t go home, I’m suffering under this horrible torture, and I’m not even allowed to die. Why did I have to be burned alive in this fire? I whispered as hard and cold as I could, “If you won’t end my suffering, then get out of my sight."
The man hesitated. He still didn’t move. Then I screamed, “GET OUT!”
The sound of his faint footsteps echoed on the walls, as he walked out of the room.
The pain dragged on. I listened to the voices outside the small stone chamber. Some of the voices were going in and out of the walls. I heard them talking.
“Finally,” Caius said, “I don’t know why you insisted on staying here. The wench is in too much pain anyway.”
Aro responded, “There’s always a chance that they might run away.”
Caius scoffed at him, “A weak little thing like her?”
“A person like you shouldn’t be accusing others of being weak, Caius. Did you already forget that fight you almost lost with that monster?” He snickered.
Caius didn’t respond. The conversation stopped there. There was a loud creaking, and then a thud. Then they were both gone.
My breathing was hoarse. I didn’t know why my throat’s so thirsty. I was so parched. Dry as bone, and burning with thirst…
At long last, the fire started to leave. It slowly faded away from my fingers and toes. But it was painfully slow. The fire didn’t leave completely. Instead of staying in my fingertips, it went to my heart.
My heart burned even hotter. How was that possible? My heartbeat was beating too fast. The fire flared up inside my ribs. Would it never end?
Then my heart took off. Its sound had reminded me of lightning. The flames in my heart had absorbed every other fire in my body, and had fueled the most scorching blaze inside my chest. It had been like a thousand poisonous snakes sinking their fangs into this very tiny spot in my ribs. Another high-pitched scream had escaped from my lips. The pain had been enough to paralyze me. My heart had raced against the torturing fire. They were both fighting; they were both losing. The fire was facing defeat, having no more flesh to consume. My heart was also facing defeat, reaching toward its last beat.
The fire constricted and squeezed, concentrating inside that one remaining piece of organ, with one last, unbearable, surge. I couldn’t even describe it. Not even a thousand strikes of lightning could have compared to the amount of pain it was. The surge was then answered by a deep hollow-sounding thud. My heart had stuttered two….three… then four times. Then there was one last, quiet, thud. Then there was no more.
News:
10/3/08-Oh yeah, second chapter's up. mrgreen
10/5/08-I've decided to rewrite the first chapter. Basically it will be the same thing, exept better descriptions and a more indept begginning at the party.
10/3/08-Finaly, someone other than my friend Alice from school, and my editor read it! I'm so excited for more people coming to read it. And also, I gave this to my History teacher, to let his wife read it, and she wrote a big review about it. I'll show it to you here. And also, as you can see, I now have a table of contents. WOOHOO!
Reviews
Quote:
This is the review my history teacher's wife gave me:
THis is a good, compelling beginning of a story. It is exciting, intriguing and dives into a culture that is curious, unusual and interesting.
You have succeeded in writing a story that has many publishible aspects; especially interest, variance and intrigue.
Try to capture the reader a bit more in the beginning. You want the reader to kekep turning the page, keep thinking of what might happen to Didyme, what could happen that could make her happier OR unhappier. Perhaps a fleeting glance of Aro-imagined or not. Perhaps a wish or evil thought that would get her out of her situation? Perhaps even something completely selfish that only she can imagine?
Think of your reader as a girl of Didyme's age. What does she feel? Describe in detail why she's afraid, angry, and opposed to the arranged marriage. Don't be afraid to write those feelings that only Didyme knows...even if her parents and society would dissaprove.
Take your time in describing the details. You have a lot of information here that many readers are unfamiliar with; arranged marriage, dissapointed parents, following in the footsteps of a disappearing brother, a grand celebration that is not similar to everyday parties, an orchard, and finally the evil that enters the story. Tell your readers what you are seeing at the party, what Didyme and others are feeling, what she likes and dislikes, the food, the weather, and the decorations.
In this short summary, you really have a good five or six chapters worth of information that you could describe to your readers and get them to love Didyme, hate her situation, and feel for her, even step into her shoes.
The trust and fear that Didyme has with Aro shines through this story very well. Take your feelings and emotions that you wrote that part of the story with adn apply it to the beginning of the story.
This is good, keep going. Keep revising. Take your reader down the hole with Aro to an exciting adventure.
THis is a good, compelling beginning of a story. It is exciting, intriguing and dives into a culture that is curious, unusual and interesting.
You have succeeded in writing a story that has many publishible aspects; especially interest, variance and intrigue.
Try to capture the reader a bit more in the beginning. You want the reader to kekep turning the page, keep thinking of what might happen to Didyme, what could happen that could make her happier OR unhappier. Perhaps a fleeting glance of Aro-imagined or not. Perhaps a wish or evil thought that would get her out of her situation? Perhaps even something completely selfish that only she can imagine?
Think of your reader as a girl of Didyme's age. What does she feel? Describe in detail why she's afraid, angry, and opposed to the arranged marriage. Don't be afraid to write those feelings that only Didyme knows...even if her parents and society would dissaprove.
Take your time in describing the details. You have a lot of information here that many readers are unfamiliar with; arranged marriage, dissapointed parents, following in the footsteps of a disappearing brother, a grand celebration that is not similar to everyday parties, an orchard, and finally the evil that enters the story. Tell your readers what you are seeing at the party, what Didyme and others are feeling, what she likes and dislikes, the food, the weather, and the decorations.
In this short summary, you really have a good five or six chapters worth of information that you could describe to your readers and get them to love Didyme, hate her situation, and feel for her, even step into her shoes.
The trust and fear that Didyme has with Aro shines through this story very well. Take your feelings and emotions that you wrote that part of the story with adn apply it to the beginning of the story.
This is good, keep going. Keep revising. Take your reader down the hole with Aro to an exciting adventure.
Other fan fiction
Here's a list of unfamous fan fictions like mine that are magnificent, and quite illuminating.
AIM with the Cullens
Rules
Just 1-Please no flaming. lol If you don't like it, fine. I'm just a 15 year old, and this is just fan fiction. Take it easy....
