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Ruia - 1st born
Kinamasi - 2nd born

Pregnancy. What an odd sort of delight it was!

Jini realised now that she must have been pregnant before they had set out for the desert. Only in the very early stages of course, maybe a couple of weeks or so, but pregnant nevertheless. This had only heightened her anxiety and guilt of what had happened that day, because she was not only putting Tope and herself at risk, but her unborn children, too! She placated herself with the fact that she didn’t know, not even when she’d returned to the lands. She had still been sleek and petite. How could she have known? But, her mind dared to venture, would you have stopped your revenge even if you had? Jini wasn’t sure and it bothered her more than she cared to let on.

Tope had probably – no, definitely – caught onto her mood swings. But they had been hidden beneath the mood swings brought on by her guilt and the pain of what she had done. And that day still haunted her. She could remember the piercing words of that old lioness facing her death, dying willingly to protect her child. They had not landed the finishing blow, not seen life’s light leave her eyes, but they had driven her to it. There had been no going back for her. They had, ultimately, ended her life.

But that was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? To see vengeance for the death of her own mother at their claws. Now they would feel a little of what she had felt as she had grown up. And yet she couldn’t get that golden boy’s face out of her mind, the sadness, the confusion. She had seen herself in his little face and all the memories of her mother had come rushing back.

Kiburi. Sweet and kind. Kiburi, the mother she wished she could have known better.

And now she was Jini’pomoka. The murderer.

That old firekin was right. Kiburi would be disappointed with her.

“They created a monster.” She whispered and Jini whispered it often, for it was what she believed. But she saw, now, that there was no relief in finding vengeance, no help in wallowing in anger and revenge. But she’d realised it too late and now she had to live with what she had done.

The days had passed by and Jini had done her best to keep going, smiling dryly at how her name suddenly seemed to suit her. Jini’pomoka. Spirit be broken. Her spirit was broken, or it felt like it was. How long would it take to heal? Would it ever heal? Did it deserve to heal?

She lived life simply, in the land of the Kusini’mwezi, serving under the rulers and doing her bit to maintain her upkeep. She would hunt, mostly alone, but occasionally with the other lionesses, trying to keep going when all her heart wanted to do was give up. She spoke barely a word to anyone, apart from her dear mate Tope, and the strange lion named Altair who had made her realise only more, what a terrible thing she had done. But no one seemed to understand how she felt. She didn’t even understand how she felt.

And in her dreams. The golden cub. Sad. Alone.

Time passed and finally it became apparent that she was holding within her a deep secret. Not a terrible secret, this time, but a good one. One that would perhaps be enough to drag her from her depression and back to her normal self. She was pregnant and inside her were cubs, created from the pure, undying love between Tope and she. And she loved him. He was her one constant, the one person she could rely on when there was no one else. He was her everything and she knew that she could never bear to leave him.

But, even when her belly had swollen past its ‘natural’ lines, it wasn’t until her condition was pointed out to her that she stopped and looked at herself.

She was not big by any means, in fact from a distance you could hardly even tell. There was a rounding of her belly, certainly, but it wasn’t rendering her incapable of moving and wasn’t so large and heavy that it hurt her weakened limbs or caused her any grief. Yes, she’d taken to lying on her side, but until now she hadn’t realised in her mind what her body had. She was pregnant! She was going to be a mother and Tope a father!

And for the first time in a long time, Jini’pomoka felt a little of her spirit return and she smiled genuinely for the first time since that day on the sands.

After that she was more careful to eat properly, to get enough rest and not to overwork herself into despair. She’d stressed enough and worried that it might affect her little ones. No, she couldn’t keep burrowing herself in grief and sadness, not when she had these little lives to think about now. So, for a time she was happier, and instead of the constant misery, there were highs and lows; times when she would feel wonderful and times when the whole horrible thing would come flooding back to steal away her joy. Nevertheless, she was happier and she felt that she could see the light at the end of the tunnel – a little glittering of hope that maybe she’d get through this okay.

If only she could forget that little golden face.

Now, Jini’pomoka was preparing to give birth and her joy was quickly chased away by fear and panic. She hadn’t wanted Tope there. She didn’t know why. All she knew was that she needed to do this alone, away from everyone else. Now, however, she was beginning to regret that decision. She didn’t know what to do. She could only do what instincts told her and right now they were telling her to push with all her might. So she did, but for a long time nothing happened. Panting with panic and exhaustion she tried to figure out how long this had been going on for. Was this normal? Or was it far too long? Was there something wrong with her children? Was this some kind of justice for what she had done?

And almost the moment she thought it, she felt a shift and to her was born a son. She turned to wash the mess from his fur, purring with delight at his sudden high-pitched keening. He was scared and he was hungry. She used her nose to guide him to her side, nuzzling him, encouraging him with a rumbling deep in her throat. Oh how she loved him! In this poor light it was hard to tell his true colours and markings, but she could tell he was pale. Just like his mother. Just like his grandmother.

She was too tired to speak, but her joy was in her rumbling purr and she shifted more comfortably on her side to let him feed.

So, was he the only one?

No, he wasn’t.

The contractions came again but she had been expecting it. Her mother had had six children and she had not been in the best of health so Jini had a feeling there would be more than one. What she didn’t know yet was that there would only be two. A good, sound number for her and Tope to raise.

The second came easier than the first, coming into being with a few more pushes. Jini lifted her head and began to groom the newest child, a girl. In the poor light her body was dark and Jini favoured that she’d take after Tope’s beautiful dark colouring.

When the girl was clean and crying for food, Jini settled her gently next to her brother and took a moment to look at them. Name discussions had been long and done with much enthusiasm. She had a handful she liked and she had a feeling Tope did too. However, now that the cubs were here she had a feeling the names would come easier. But first thing first, they needed to feed and settle. After they’d both had a rest, she’d go and fetch Tope and bring him to see the cubs. She had a feeling the new father was somewhere close by, in any case. She had meant to fetch her mate and invite him in, but her legs were shaky at the best of times and even more so now. So, instead she turned her head towards the entrance of the den and gave a long, low chuffing sound.

“Tope. Come see your children.”

A boy and a girl. One peach, one chocolate brown. Her heart was fit to burst and she knew nothing could ruin this perfect moment.

Tope was well aware of his mates change. He was concerned mostly, watching her slip into this state of sorrow and guilt-dragging herself along in life. He had not felt this touch of guilt or this feeling of regret at all-he was proud of what they had done. It was that darn yellow cub that started all this. If that little child had not been with his mother-all this could have been avoided. He had known that as soon as Jini saw that little squirt-she'd change. And she did. He had no feelings towards that little creature-a spawn of something that was worthless and cruel. They all were... those firekin.

He had no regret. If Jini had not been there-he may have even take care of that little child. Though it was probably dead now-so what was the point of worrying about it. They were most likely nothing but dried flesh and parched bone now. Nothing worth the time thinking about it. He simply pushed the thoughts from his head-he had his blood shed-he had his moment of fury and hate. Now-he was different.

Instead of taking a turn towards what Jini had-Tope was in better spirits and less iritable. He was in fact-more like his father now. Cheerful. He had caught onto Jini's sadness and had pressed anything he could at her-to make her happy. He brought her food and flowers and little treasures he thought she'd like. Yet-it seemed like everything he could muster-would not press the image of that mother and son from her-sending him into confusion. He had even gotten angry with her once-shouting.

We did what we had always planned on! Since we were kids. We did it! I am not regretful and I will never regret it! But soon after this outburst-he regretted saying such things and snuggled into his darling Jini-wishing her well.

Then the news. Childeren. Tope could barely comprehend it. Him-a dad. He was beside himself with so many things. Was he ready? He was wasn't he? Or was he delusional? He simply took the days by stride-caring for his mate-feeding her and preening over her. He watched her belly round-holding his childeren. Would he have a son? A daugther? How many? He beamed. This meant that-perhaps when the childeren were old enough-he could go visit his family! Oh the prospects of it.

The day came when Jini took refuge and Tope had thrown himself into hysterics. How had his father done this-waiting thing? Umo had done it almost twice! He writhed and squirmed. Oh how horrible. He sat in waiting-his pink eyes wide and staring-what if she wasn't okay? He almost got up and barged into the whole thing-just to sooth his worry-but did not. Then-her sweet voice. "Tope come see your children!

He sprang from his spot outiside-his paws light at work to bring him to his destination. He entered nervously-spotting Jini prone ahead of him. He was nervous and barely breathing. He peered over Jini-at his brood. Two. Two childeren. He didn't know the genders but he could see thier colors. Almost, one of each parent. He smiled-looking to Jini with his usual silly smile. "Jini!" He looked to the cubs. "A-are they okay? Are they girls or boys?"

The newborn wasn't interested in much but feeding first-- her muzzle pressed so tight to her mother she almost couldn't breath. After she finished, she aware aware the other wriggly thing by her had gone. She only heard muffled noises; and saw nothing, but something didn't like the other wiggly gone, and the female pawed around desperately a moment. Finding a leg, however, piqued curiosity and she mouth it. Was it food too? She wasn't hungry, but it was something. Feeling movement from the Big Wall, she stiffened, and then relaxed, mewling happily.

She wasn't tired-- but she was nosy, even if her biggest wonder was if she could eat it or not.

Something was....chewing at him? He wished he could see what it was, and as he moved - disturbed from his rest - to try and get a feel for who was there, his father interrupted.

He felt someone lift his head and he gave a small mewl, unsure, uncertain. Then, he cuddled closer to the other moving thing - his sister - and peeped cautiously. He sought comfort in the other small body and tried to tuck his head under her chin.

She smiled as she watched Tope, looking flustered but very handsome as he watched his children. She could see him thinking about it and knew he had a name in mind. And then, there it was. Kinamasi. A perfect name indeed for such a pretty child. She gave her daughter a fond lick and nodded. "Beautiful, Tope, it truly suits her. Kinamasi it is."

She looked at the pale boy, who wriggled as Tope touched his paw to his little back. "If he was a girl, I would have named him after my mother. He looks so much like her. However, since he is a little boy, I'll give him a different name. What do you think of Ruia? It means dream. My mother believed in dreams, she followed them all her life."

"All those hopes and dreams. They've come to life in these little two. After all we've been through we deserve our little bit of happiness." She purred and nuzzled against his cheek, seeking the warmth of his fur.

"Kinamasi and Ruia..." She whispered softly. "They'll be a fine pair of cubs. Strong and full of heart, just like their parents, right Tope, my love?" And then she yawned and the fatigue caught up with her.

"I'm tired, love, do you mind watching over the little ones a while? Just until I feel myself again." And she rested her head down upon the earth, trusting that all would be fine and well.

Yes, today was a good day.