Welcome to Gaia! ::

the single life has begun once again... -.-

yup. I know...didn't last long did it? well...their is a reason. It is a long story...so make yourselves at home.

okay. so it had been a week since we had hooked up. I had begun to feel that things wernt right inside me...I pushed them down and ignored them...blowing them off as being scared of a relationship and once I got adjusted I would be fine.

So another week went by....it was the weekend we were going to Ohayocon in Columbus. We went and after about an hour of him going to panels with me and such I began to become severely annoyed by him. everything be said and did started to REALLY irritate me. So finally I could ignore it no longer and blew up at him. He walked off and I started crying..because I realized that maybe I didn't like him after all. That my heart closed when we separated the first time and I had changed and now I just didn't feel the same. I realized I wasn't attracted to him at all..physically or personality wise.

So I went and told my sister and her boyfriend[who happens to be his best friend] and they told me they understood and that it would be best to break it off after con.

so when we got back from con I broke it off. he seemed to understand that it was too late for us now...and after apologizing and tearing up and feeling horrible I walked away. I feel so horrible. but I needed to do it. It just wasn't ment to be. I know that now. I just hadn't realized how much my taste in guys had changed in these 2 years of my life.

I know you guys probably think Im mean and a user. I promise I never ment to lead him on...I said yes to the relationship to test it out...some thing I never should have done. At least he can move on now and let me go.

I know I made the right choice. even though it hurts me to lose a friend.

agreed, now Im just feeling lonely, pissed off at myself for not realizing that I didn't like him BEFORE I said yes.
and wishing I hadn't.
and feeling like something is seriously wrong with me for not liking a perfectly nice guy.
and realizing a guy isn't there to tell me Im beautiful anymore[a selfish reason for wanting him to stay around...so I wasn't going to stay with him just to hear a guy say I was attractive.I know that's wrong but I still miss hearing it.]


so...basically Im a ball of anger,shame and sadness. :/

*hugs*

it still kind of is disappointing...I was hoping my feelings would turn out different....:/ but..what are you gonna do? *sigh*

yeah...I decided after my blow up I couldnt lie to myself any longer. no matter how much it hurt him to hear me break it off...it's better than living a lie...:/

yeah it could have. true. and of course! *sits in single lonely corner of thread*