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 Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 4:56 pm
Feeling cheerful after her stroll with Mwenzangu, she was still hoping to find the flower he had been searching for if such a thing existed. It was early evening and she was pushing it a bit by going off to see about it before it was dark but she didn't really have anything else to do. Something fun to keep her mind off things when she didn't have other things to worry about was quite welcome. She hadn't had a chance to ask Zizi or Shira yet, but that was OK. For now it was a personal quest, it was easier that way but probably not better. Still feeling isolated, she certainly was not doing much to help herself out of it.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 5:22 pm
The sun was fading fast, and he had yet to go home. He was sitting out in the middle of nowhere, not even with Loki today. He had grown a little more independent of her with Ally's help, and there were days when he just wanted to think, and be alone. It was likely his own confusion that had him out here alone, and the sight of Ally herself quite suddenly didn't help it. For a moment, all he could do was sit rock still, staring out at her sudden appearance. Then, he cleared his throat, and pushed himself to his feet.
"You, uh, shouldn't you be getting home? It's getting late, you don't want to get lost or anything out.. here." Yeah, that was awkward.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 5:36 pm
Alcmene kept her pale eyes on the grass, looking around for any strange plants, anything she did not recognize. It was a bad time to looking for closed flowers, day-flowers would be closing again and the night-flowers, if they existed, would not be open yet. She was no expert when the flowers were obvious, when they were blossomed. She was, really, only making more work for herself. She didn't notice when Fafnir came into plain sight, not even looking up until he cleared his throat. Even without words, the voice was familiar. She might normally have jumped in surprise but she only tensed slightly before straightening up and looking over at him.
It was awkward, but he was certainly more bold than some. Even Zangu, and he was a higher class than Fafnir was. When he commented on getting lost, she looked around them.
"I- it's not that far from home," she pointed out, her voice quiet and her eyes reluctant to look back at him again, "And I know my way around." She didn't know what she thought of Fafnir anymore, he was busy with his job and so was she.. but she had free time, surely he did too. Why wouldn't be come visit? But why would she not go herself..? It all came back to that she didn't know what she thought. It was confusing, oddly painful.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 5:44 pm
The fact was, Fafnir should have manned up a long time ago and gone to see her. He knew what he thought of her, and he knew, deep down, he was scared of losing her. He even knew, most of all, that sometime before she had become queen, something about what he felt for her had changed, but that still left him slightly baffled. There shouldn't be any room for him in her life, he knew that. He wasn't royal, at least not by these pride standards, and he wasn't even a rank that would make him her equal. He was just Fafnir, a cubhood friend, wasn't he?
"You've done worse things than get lost in your own pride," he said, trying to put lightness into it, but his protectiveness was outweighing it. His own pale eyes drifted over her, and then down at his feet. For someone that wasn't an equal, and someone that wasn't even sure he deserved to be around her, he realized he was being really bold. "I'm sorry," he said again, hesitantly, "it's really not my place."
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 5:52 pm
Her eyes finally went back to him when he spoke. No one spoke to her like that anymore, no one really said the truth- of course, very few knew about the incredibly stupid things she'd done in the past. The last time someone was so blunt and so honest, it was her father telling her she didn't really have a say in what he was going to do and how soon she was going to be what she was.
"No, it's OK," she said, her voice increasing in volume, but the change was passing. She brushed a paw over the grass, not entirely sure what to say, going with an awkward attempt at conversation, "What are you doing out here?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 5:57 pm
He offered a weak smile at her reassurance, but he didn't know if he should really keep talking that way. She was.. the queen, after all. How on earth could he expect to talk to a queen that way? Sure, maybe it was okay when they were younger and the ranks weren't that important, but now that she was queen he needed to respect her at least. He had known this day was coming, he just hadn't expected it would come so soon.
"Me? I, uh, well," he started, tripping over his words as he tried to find a good explanation. He decided to sit then, curling his tail around his hind legs as he did so, and letting his eyes stare down at his toes. "I was just out here thinking, to be honest," he admitted, "I've got a lot of time to do that." Then, too late he realized he had admitted to having a lot of free time, spent doing nothing - and especially not visiting her. He winced, but simply tried to keep the conversation going. "And you?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:15 pm
It was lucky, she decided, she had not walked any closer. It was easier to hide small reactions to the things he said, she couldn't help but feel disappointed to know he had free time but never had come around to see her. She had been training herself to project self-confidence, to not look as hopeless as she felt as she became more and more lonely. It was complicated trying to understand how she could interact regularly with others and feel that way so Ally never thought to explain it to anybody. Especially now.
"O-oh," she muttered, brushing her paw through the grass again, "I was just going for a walk, not much to do tonight."
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:26 pm
As awkward as the conversation was, and as much as he would have liked to continue ignoring their problems, Fafnir couldn't let Ally go on thinking that he had just.. deserted her for no reason. He had deserted her, probably when she needed him the most, and he would admit that. He'd also admit that he hated himself for it. But he needed to say something, anything, because no matter how normal she was trying to act at the moment, this just wasn't his happy, carefree Ally.
"I'm sorry," he blurted, faster and louder than he intended. He paused, frowning at the grass, annoyed with his own rushed words. "I mean, I'm sorry for not.. being around, and not coming to help you. It's just.." He frowned and trailed off, shutting his eyes with a sigh. How did he say this to her? "It's just that you're the Queen, Ally, and there's not really any room for someone of my rank in your life." Saying it out loud sure did sound pretty pathetic, he had to admit.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:43 pm
If Ally was expecting anything, it certainly wasn't that- but as he said it, it suddenly made sense. Why he wasn't coming to see her anymore. There had always been a class gap between them, responsibility differences, she would have liked to think time did not make so much difference but somehow it had. It sounded almost like he was afraid of her, the way he spoke, avoided looking at her (though, to be fair, she was doing the same). And what he said, it was.. frustrating, confusing and upsetting.
"I-" she paused, not feeling very encouraged by all of this, "I- I should go." It was the easy way out, yes, but she didn't know what else to do, what she could say. She could generally deal with pride members being somewhat awkward around her, she was not so close to most of them. It was harder with Fafnir.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:54 pm
That was it, this was it, wasn't it? He felt fear ripping through him as she said she should go, his bright eyes widening a bit as he look up at her. He had always told himself he'd have to eventually do this, but when it came down to it, letting her go was so much harder than he had ever expected. He hadn't been prepared to do it tonight, that was for sure, but when had he ever been? He would have kept putting it off if she hadn't barged in on his 'thinking time'. Even then, was he really letting her go? What right did he have to think of her that way? She was just a friend, his best friend, in the whole world.
"No, Ally, don't-" he blurted out again, before he could even stop himself, going against everything he knew he should do. He pushed himself to his feet swiftly, like he might go after her if she actually tried to leave, but instantly looked abashed for it. "I'm.. sorry.." was all he could manage, after sending her all these mixed signals. Go, stay, go, stay. Couldn't she see this was hard for him?
"Don't you have enough trouble, with everything that's happened, without piling on rumors about a middle-class suitor?" Her father had become a slave for the lioness he loved, now that his daughter was old enough to take the throne, and Faf wasn't an idiot. He knew there would be pressure for her to find a mate. They had been friends for so long, yes, but other lions always seemed to get the wrong idea.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:08 pm
Really feeling awkward, it wasn't quite a trick- but there was a part of her that was.. relieved when Fafnir called out to stop her from just walking away. It was still an unconvincing and muddled mess, she couldn't help but take a step back. Now her eyes were directly on him, though. Watching him very carefully, his reaction. He looked as confused as she felt, and it wasn't very comforting. She didn't say anything, only listened and stared at him. At first she misunderstood, then realized the careful use of one word and it made her feel even worse. Rumors. She felt her stomach twist and her eyes fell towards his feet, not sure what exactly she could trust herself to say now. Everything was suddenly a little more clear but that much more painful.
"Is that what you think?" she managed quietly, glancing back up at him but avoiding direct eye contact. Even with the distance between them, she couldn't keep her eyes on his. Near or far, it was impossible to handle.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:17 pm
He had only said it to make things more clear, to show her what him being around could do, the trouble it would cause. He never considered how much more adept Ally was at picking out the meanings behind words, how much she had been trained for his position and the diplomacy behind it. Where as he, on the other hand, wasn't particularly grand at figuring out things like that and could be rather dense on occasion. Right now, in fact, happened to be one of those.
"Is what what I think?" he asked, eyes locked onto his own feet and not looking at her, not realizing that she had begun to unravel his front.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:32 pm
He wasn't helping, he really wasn't. When she dared to look towards his face again, he was not looking at her. It did not do much in the way of comfort, and she stared for several seconds before taking another step back. No, she didn't have to deal with this, didn't have to feel like this, worry about this.. for how alone she had been feeling, she was starting to miss it. Nothing happened when you avoided personal interaction. Zangu happened, and they had only looked for flowers. The idea that things had become so awkward, that they couldn't even pretend to just be friends, that she almost didn't want to.. it was too much all at once, especially unexpectedly.
"I should go," she said again, her voice not so quiet or held back this time. It was what she wanted now, to just run away. She didn't care how it looked, she was willing to take the chance if she could just.. walk away.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:44 pm
He knew she wouldn't answer his question, she wouldn't aid him and give him that little insight. Inwardly, he cursed himself for not being able to see the bigger picture. If he had only been more like his parents, he would have known, or perhaps avoided this situation all together. He supposed that was probably why they had been graced with a rank greater than his own, though.
I should go, the words rang in his head, and he couldn't help but feel like they were the end. The end of something. At least, if she walked away, if he let her go, it would be. It didn't make much sense, given that he didn't even know what that something was. Mental puzzles were certainly not his forte.
"Are you asking me to let you go?" he said, finally, bringing his eyes up to look at her. He probably looked more confident than he felt at the moment. "Or are you simply telling me that you're leaving?" There was a difference. One was Ally's way, one was a queen's way. He needed to know.
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